New Beginning: The Same Refrain
by FirstYear
Summary: Snape took his Mark at 17 yrs.at 22 he had gone mad and wanted to turn back. A story of a young Severus between 17 to the end of the war...a little AU in that he lives. Expanded from one shot "Riding the tail of a Dragon" Rated M
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: not mine.

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This story came from one shot "Riding the Tail of a Dragon."

I dislike a story that needs an explanation as to its existence, however, here is mine.

Severus's mother was a witch; however, she lived as a Muggle, with her Muggle husband, in a Muggle neighbourhood. As this story begins, Severus has lived longer as a Muggle than as a Wizard. I would think it to be a natural leap to think that he interacted with, and formed relationships with those people near him. I also think it quite likely and highly probable that a young teenager would try to "fit in" with others his own age.

I also wanted to say at the beginning, that being in the character of Professor Snape, when here he starts as a seventeen year old is asking quite a bit. Give me a break.

One last thing. Severus was an abused child, and one way an abused child copes, is to forget the trauma. This may lay forgotten for years, or it may rise to the surface as healing begins.

Thanks for your indulgence.

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**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

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Severus had once ridden on an old wooden roller coaster down near Spinners End. Hopping on the train with some other neighbourhood boys, he had taken the thirty-minute ride to the park. Every seaside park had a coaster back then, back when he was a child. They, the coasters, seemed old. Even ten long years ago, they had seemed old.

Muggle boys used the Roller Coater near Spinners End as some sort of right of passage. This was their journey into manhood. They would slick back their hair, roll up the sleeves on their tees, and stride right up to the queue. Plunking down their money, they would happily buy their perceived chance to die.

The screaming and shuddering cart, hurling around the far loop they said, made you look death in the eye . As the sea rushed to meet them and the track seemed to disappear, they knew it to be true. Then the slow cranking and lurching to the top started again, each creak of the gears chanting earth bound, earth bound. At the very peak, at the summit, the plunge began again. The small flimsy cart dropping so swiftly each boy knew he would die, or in the trying, would see death's smile.

Severus remembered this the night Lily died. He walked through the rubble of what had been hers and saw the broken spines of the coaster the year the storm had tried to wash it away. The storm hit at high tide, pushing great swells over the foundation, twisting the structure and finding its weakness and brought it crashing down in a graceful ballet.

Severus had missed the sight of the broken monster as it lay on the beach. He was away at school when the great beast fell. He had missed the thirty-minute train ride to see the destruction. Now he walked his way over the broken spines of her house and thought that this must have been how it looked. He had not missed much. Broken wooden beams and twisted metal, and small unidentifiable scarps of human existence littered on the ground.

His mind would not let him see that this was her house, the one she shared with Potter. She raised her son in this house. This could not be where she slept, or ate, or where she had loved. His mind screamed that this wreckage must be of something else.

He had also ridden the roller coaster but had found no fear in it. His rights of passage he took elsewhere, wearing a black robe and half silver mask. They led him to a grassy meadow, while the evenings mist still showed. They forced him to his knees, stripped off his shirt and flogged him. This was in lieu of plunking his money down, his ticket had burned into his flesh, for him to use over and over again. His was not a mere one-time right to ride.

He had not felt the sudden drop of the Roller Coaster in such a long time that he had forgotten its feel. The sudden feeling of insides riding up, of breath not filling lungs, the sound of a seashell held to long to his ear, the smell of her hair as she leaned into his shoulder.

"Severus," he heard a voice call his thoughts back, "Now. Hurry the Aurors come."

Nodding at the ground, he spat. Then turned and grinned at Malfoy as they apparated out.

"We need to be quick," Lucius said. He hurried up to the Manor taking off his Death Eater robes as he went. "He can't be gone. Not like that, not by some cock sucking Mudblood witch."

"Perhaps it is a ruse," Severus spoke in an even cold voice. "Perhaps that is what he wants them to believe."

"I would know of such a plan," Lucius spat at him. "He confides in me."

Opening the door, Lucius threw his robes at an elf and strode into a sitting room with Severus following.

"Did he confide in you his plans for the Potters?" Severus's hand wrapped around his wand he held hidden in the folds of his robes as he prepared for Lucius's answer.

"No, that is just it." Lucius began to pace in front of his fireplace as an elf set out whiskeys. "Something is not right."

Severus relaxed his grip on his wand and pushed it back into his sleeve.

"It seems that other than losing the battle, nothing has changed." Severus had answered slowly as he poured out the whiskey and knocked his back at once.

"The baby lived. Her bastard child lived," Lucius raged.

"I do believe they were married Lucius," Severus smirked and poured his second glass suddenly cold at the knowledge that her son lived.

"He was born in the seventh month." Lucius paced as he thought. "He must be destroyed."

"As was the Longbottom child," Severus said quickly, wanting to throw the glass he held. "Was he not born in the seventh month as well?"

"The boy was not at home. His parents, it seems, have put him in hiding. I told Bella to question them."

"When is she to question them?" He asked, and wondered why he should care.

"It is being done as we speak," Lucius said then turned to look at Severus as he paused. "Why the sudden interest my friend?"

"I am trying to piece together what has happened to my Lord. Without him our dreams are dead."

"Not dead, just postponed," Lucius smirked. "Get rid of those robes. My elf can hide them here in the Manor."

"I will take them with me." Severus watched Lucius carefully. "In case the Lord calls I may have need of them."

"He will not call you fool." Lucius almost yelled at him. "I tell you, he is gone."

"Lucius?" Narcissa's voice came from the hallway. "May I join you?"

"Of course," Lucius said as he shot Severus a warning look. "We have a guest."

"Severus," she spoke to Severus but did not take her eyes off her husband. "I am so glad you could join us."

"Narcissa, we are famished," Lucius said easily as he tossed his robes into a dirty heap on the floor. "Run along to the kitchens and have something prepared for me."

"Yes Lucius." She crossed the room quickly and flung her arms around his neck. "I was worried onto death for you."

"My dear," Lucius said stiffly. Then pulled her back roughly and scowled at her. "We have a guest. This is most inappropriate."

"I am sorry," she reddened as she spoke, quickly looking at Severus. "I was worried for both of you."

Severus watched as she fled the room. This was so unlike the Narcissa he thought he knew. She had openly thrown her arms around her husband in a show of public emotion. No pure blood witch would do this thing. He wondered what had happened to his Narcissa, his first friend in this strange world he had joined.

"Is she still ill Lucius?" he asked cautiously, remembering the fatigue he had seen in her.

"She lost the child." Lucius was still looking at the door she had run through. "It eats at her like a cancer."

"She has Draco." Severus raised an eyebrow, surprised that Narcissa had conceived another child so soon.

"She envisions filling the bedrooms," Lucius said flatly.

"I will send a calming potion for her." Severus saw a lack of emotion in Lucius. His witch was the only thing that always brought life to his eyes. Now Severus only saw lifeless grey.

"This was the fourth she flushed away," Lucius spat. "Three before Draco, now this."

"Perhaps she needs merely to rest. I have some potions that are said to help a witch's stamina, an aid to nutrition. I will send them for a few months time. If you exercise caution until then she may have enough strength to try again."

"Stay out of this friend," Lucius warned. "You do not know all that has gone on in this house, or what she does in the secrets of her bedchamber or with whom."

The shattering of china brought both wizards' wands to the ready. Narcissa stood in the door, white and frail, a tea service at her feet. She stared at Lucius, she head shaking, her eyes spilling tears down her cheeks.

"You bastard," she hissed. "They were yours. You know I have been with no other. It is you that can not say the same."

Lucius was across the room to her in four strides. The back of his hand crashed against her cheek sending her to the floor. Severus, without thinking, pulled his wand and Lucius lay sprawled on the floor as well.

Hurrying over to Narcissa, Severus gently helped her up and led her to the sofa. He kept his wand ready in case Lucius struck at his back.

Severus went down on one knee in front of the witch and softly pressed his finger to her cheek. She winced and pulled away as he pointed his wand to heal the fracture, her tears wetting his hand as he held her chin. Turning just his upper body he saw Lucius stand and search for his wand.

"Let it go Lucius, we have lost enough this evening," Severus said in a low warning voice.

"How dare you do this in my own home?" Lucius seethed, but quit his search for the wand. He knew he had gone too far in angering the younger and stronger wizard.

"You broke her cheek," Severus said flatly, as he stood in front of Narcissa, crossing his arms and sneering at Lucius. "Perhaps now I see why she can not carry to term."

"This is none of your business Severus."

"You have made it so," Severus said evenly. "I stood too long and watched my own mother beaten, I will not watch you do this to her."

Lucius looked at Narcissa and then walked over to the whiskey. When he could stand her gaze no more he turned form her with a grimace and poured his drink.

"Lucius," Severus called his only friends name. "You need to put this right and end this now. If you hit her again I will take a wizard's oath that it will be your last time."

Lucius looked to Severus, then down and into Narcissa's eyes. He looked back to his whiskey, disgusted by the sight of Severus attending to her.

"Cissy," Severus said, using his pet name for her. He turned back to the witch and kneeling down to her, laid his forehead against hers. "I have to know if he has any justification in what he says."

"No, Severus," she pleaded. "Trust me, he has none. You know me better than this."

"You will take a truth potion?" he asked quietly enough that Lucius did not hear.

She nodded quickly and looked into his eyes. He could feel her relief and hope pour out as he stood up and turned to Lucius.

"I will take my leave now," He said with a glance at Narcissa. "I have some brewing to do. Lucius I will send but three drops of a truth potion in the morning. By noon, you will trust you wife again. I suggest that you remember my oath."

Severus returned to Spinners End. He brewed the Veritaserum for Narcissa halving the strength and holding up the completed vial, he wondered to himself. He believed the witch. He knew her so well, better than any other in this world or the other. She would never open her legs for another. Yet at the same time he believed her, he prepared her for lies. Sending off three drops in a vial small enough for an owl, he returned to the sitting room to drink.

Now, almost a full three months later he sat, drank, and remembered what he had lost that night. He fell asleep in his chair that became a cart, which steal chains dragged up hill. He heard the chat earth bound, earth bound.

His dreams were disjointed and unplaced in time. There was nothing to fear but the horror he felt, and the voice telling him "no harm," as the cart climbed higher. He heard the chant of no harm, no harm, no harm, as the gears grew larger and pulled harder all the while making him want to look over his shoulder, but he knew he could not. Then his dream turned and crackled green, bathed in light. Two babies lie alone in a grassy misty field , walking over the horizon two witches turned to each other, held hands and walked away as the babies screamed. The Dark Lord walks by and smiles at him as white mist turns and a third child floats by in a river of red. He heard a voice say this is the fourth she has flushed away.

Severus sat up and tried to stand gasping for air. He fell on his knees and vomited out whiskey and hope. For the first time in his memory, he felt tears on his cheeks that did not fall together with his father's fists. Wrapping his arms around his waist, he rocked him self back to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Rated M

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**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 2**

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Severus's apprenticeship had been over for six months before he even thought to take his exams. At his age, he knew no one considered him a serious scholar. A twenty- two-year-old Potions Master was not a thing to tolerate in this society based on social norms, at twenty- one they would have laughed.

The Ministry clerk that accepted his application had scoffed when he asked for the paper work. Raising her perfectly tweezed eyebrow, she had tapped the top of the form with a perfectly manicured nail and shown him the perfectly horrendous fee. Severus had pawned his mother's perfectly fine wedding ring to come up with money.

Severus let in the owl that he knew must be carrying his exam scores, now a full year since his apprenticeship ended. This was the only owl to make a delivery in the years since he had holed up in the forsaken place of Spinners End. The stench alone made it intolerable to be outside, forcing him to either stay inside or walk aimlessly though the friendless streets for Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley.

Severus had worked hard in the small-enclosed yard behind the house. Once used to hold refuge it now held pots of herbs and plants that all struggled toward the single shaft of light that shown down for two hours at noon. The surrounding track houses and walls, blocking out the rest of the sun in only defused and dirty light.

He sent the owl off and threw his scores unopened on the mantel. He did not rejoice his scores, or even care what they were. He did not feel this a victory to celebrate. He scowled and wondered why he tried, a Master in front of his name meant nothing, if the name meant the same.

He saw Lily behind his eyelids at night, and in the reflections of light during the day she would visit him. Her echoing laughter announcing her arrival as she spied around corners, and behind the furniture. Green eyes would peer in his kitchen window to hide too quickly for him to see. He would spin around searching the window frame only to find her gone. He could smell lavender at times, and think it was her, and a breeze from an open window became her hand and caressed his face.

Her son still lived and it ate at him like Narcissa's empty womb. The knowledge left a space in him that would not fill with time. The child should have been his, he should have laid with her and had her as a wife.

Lucius and Narcissa were the only reason he had that made him leave Spinners End. He even came to see them less and less, preferring the silence of his house and the quiet of his personal ghosts.

"Well my dear," he said, looking down at Narcissa , two months after repairing her broken cheek. "These are the last four weeks of potion."

"Then I can conceive?" She looked at the vial with a grimace.

"I do not know." He crossed his arms and looked at her sternly. "When these vials are gone you will then see a healer. Find out before you conceive if you should do this, and do not risk another disappointment."

"So tell me Severus," she said, as she patted the cushion next to her on the sofa. "What have you been up to?"

"Not much." He took up the seat across the coffee table from her. "I have my licence behind me now. I guess it is time to find work."

"Where will you start? The thought of working would scare me." She laughed at the look on his face. "Now Severus, you know how I am."

"The thought of doing anything new has always scared you my dear. I have thought of trying to open my own shop."

"I would hardly think that Spinners End would be affluent enough to properly support a business," Narcissa said with her typical snobbery.

"I have simple tastes Narcissa." He chided her and leaned back in a chair that cost more than the furniture in his entire house.

"Then don't work Severus. After all, if you are busy all day who will visit me?"

"You do have a husband. You can always talk to him."

"You have changed Severus." Narcissa looked hard at him. "These past months you have changed some how."

"Perhaps it is you that have changed, my dear," he said to her somewhat coldly.

"No, Severus. You are harder. I have not heard you laugh for months," she pouted at him and wrinkled her brow. "What has happened to you? Has a lover sent you packing?"

"Nothing as dramatic as that." He tried to smile but he could not with Lily's memories calling him home.

"I am afraid Narcissa that I find it time to leave." He started to rise. "I am meeting a friend tonight."

"Ah, I knew it! When do I meet her? Is she pretty? What of her family?"

"Not tonight my dear," he said as he turned to walk to the door. "Tell Lucius I was here."

"Saturday night, dinner," she called after him. "Do remember, and wear something new."

He did not answer her so she could assume he had not heard. Returning to Spinners End Severus reached for his whiskey before taking off his robes. Narcissa wanted to meet his lover. He could not breathe for the want of a lover. He grinned as he picked up the bottle thinking that all problems should be so easily solved.

He tipped the bottle to his mouth and took his first swallow without a glass. He always used a glass because his father had not and he would not be his father. He had lived too long with the drunken man, and seen too much to ever be like him.

He saw his father's shaking hand reaching for the bottle. It was his father's hand that tipped it up, and his father's throat that drained it down. He would not be his father he thought as his shaking hand poured a glass of amber fluid. His father drank only to get drunk. Severus held the liquid to the sun and watched the swirl of colour enjoying the rich colour and heady ambiance that it conjured up.

He was better than his father. He would not become that man, he would use a glass and enjoyed the flavour.

Severus took his glass and bottle to his old bedroom. Empty of furniture, he only had the closets and boxes to sort out before he could set up his lab. He sat on the floor and opened a box full of a boy's foolish dreams. Taking a swallow of his drink, he peered inside the box. He picked up the first scrape of paper and wondered where was the pride he had felt when he first wrote this essay. Flicking his wand, he reduced it to flame and watched the flame turn to ash. It was time to put away the foolish things.

By the time he reached the bottom of the box the pile of ash had grown. He opened an envelope, almost hidden, tucked under a flap on the bottom to the box. Pulling it out carefully, as carefully as he could with half a bottle of whiskey running in his veins, he opened it and found his letter to Hogwarts. He thought back to day he had received this letter. Stuffing the letter in his pocket, he reached for the next box.

The sky was almost pink when he at last stood up, crossed into the hallway and made it unsteadily to his bed. He lay on his back and stared at the ceiling, picking one hairline plaster crack and following it to its completion. Sitting up on the side of the bed after an hour, he knew that sleep had eluded him once again. He did not know if it was the sleep he sought, or the ability to stop thinking.

He showered, and dressed for another day. Opening up the fridge, he saw one hardening piece of bread in a twisted plastic bag, a jar of pickles and half a jug of milk. He turned on the stove and tossed the bread directly on the burner, reaching it with a fork he flipped it and declared it toast. Crushing the now crisp hard bread in a bowl, he covered it with milk and had a meal of it. He thought of milk toast, with warm milk and cinnamon, and suddenly felt ill.

Throwing the still full bowl into the sink, he thought of dinner at Malfoy's and looked up at the calendar that hung on the back of the door.

Shite, he thought, I guess it is pickles and milk tomorrow. Dinner was still two days off.

He was startled at the knock on his door, quickly going into the sitting room, pulling back the piece of lace that covered the glass of the door and looked at a young Muggle woman peering at him.

"Yes?" he said opening the door to peer down on her, thinking to scare her away.

"It is. It is Severus, Severus Snape." She beamed up at him. "I am Hannah, remember? From across the road? That one," she turned and pointed across the road and up four doors.

"No, I do not." He meant to say remember you.

"I am Jack's sister. Jack Haywood's little sister." She smiled as if that should do it. He did not see the disappointment on her face, or the frown she had quickly covered.

"Jack?" He said seeing a roller coaster's spine on the ground. "Yes, I think I do. I mean to say I remember your brother, Jack."

"Jack is up in Liverpool, he works the docks," she offered. "We lost Mum last year and this is the first chance I have had to clean out the old house. Don't know why I bother. No one wants to live down here no more. I will never be able to sell the place with no work anywhere close."

Severus only stood and looked at her. He had nothing to say, and had never talked just to talk. He was at a loss with this slip of a woman on his top step.

"I saw your lot cleaned up a bit and thought maybe someone was here. Then I saw an owl fly round back and I remember you used to train them didn't you? Sort of like some raise pigeons I imagine. So I figured it must be you." She said all in a rush then raised an eyebrow waiting for a response.

"When did you see the owl?" He stuck his head out of the door and peered around the corner.

"Just now, just before I came," she said following his eyes, as she looked for the bird as well. "I have some old bookcases headed for the bin. If you want them come over and collect them. I will be here for about two hours. I remember you always loved your books. I will put some tea on. I am afraid all Mum had is tins of soup but I don't want to waste them. How about tea and soup for lunch Severus?" She finally rolled her tongue up to the curb and stopped.

He stood straight and folded his arms. His mouth opened to say no, but his mind saw the pickles and the broken bowl in the sink.

"I think that may be enjoyable Hannah." He smirked thinking to eat today. "Let me check on my owl and I shall join you."

"Fine. Just knock and come in. I may not hear you if I am out back. Just give me a yell." She started down the steps and then stopped and waved. "You know, you are the only one still here from when we grew up. Every one else has moved on. "

"Yes," he said, "So it would seem."

Severus walked through the sitting room and kitchen and into the yard wondering if she talked so much all the time. The large white snowy owl pecked on his hand and looked around for a treat as he untied the missive from its leg.

"Get over it owl," he sneered at the creature, "if I had treats I would have eaten them for breakfast."

He shooed the bird off as he looked at the parchment and saw the Hogwarts seal. He sat down on one of the kitchen chairs heavily, resting his elbows on the table and cupping his hands together, he held his face as sudden guilt and anger washed over him in waves, leaving him flushed and nauseated.

He jumped up and ran to the sink to splash cold water on his face, grabbed a flannel and rubbed the droplets of water off then looked back to the kitchen table. Wanting to open the parchment, to know if it smelled of Hogwarts , to know if a piece of folded and slightly tattered parchment could keep the scent of the place it had been and not only smell of bird shite and feathers. He left to see Hannah deciding to open it later.


	3. Chapter 3

**Rated M**

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**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 3**

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Hannah had poured the hot soup into beakers apologizing that the bowls and flatware were already packed and gone. Severus held the cup in both his hands,letting the warmth of the porcelain seep through them. He leaned his face over the steaming concoction to inhale the moist vapours, wondering all the time why he did. This sort of soup from a tin was a food of his childhood. Watery and thin, smelling of spices he could never quite place, not now and not then.

"So, do you think you can use the book cases or was I right that they go to the bin?" Hannah finally said, wrapping up a long-winded commentary on the old neighbourhood.

"I can use the tall one in the sitting room." He agreed to take it more to see her smile than his need or desire to possess it.

"Great, I have one more upstairs you can see." She looked over the top of her beaker. "You look the same only different than you did when I saw you last."

"Oh?" he smirked at her. "I think we all do. We are no longer the children that ran around these streets."

"Yeah, but you never were. Right?" She screwed up her face in puzzlement. "I mean you always seemed old, and me, I never fit in."

"I used to see you." He looked at her suddenly remembering. "You sat on the stoop reading in the summer. Even in the dark, you would sit holding your book under the lamp post."

"How odd that you should remember that," she said turning red. "I remember you always carried a book you wrote in. I thought it terribly impolite, at the time, to write in the margins of a book. What do you do now?"

"I am looking for a job I guess." He looked up at her like a normal youth that needed to share good news. "I finished school early, and just passed my exams."

"Really?" She smiled widely at him. "What was your major?"

"I dear Madame, am the youngest Master Chemist in these beautiful islands." He stood and swept his arm back in a mock bow and flourish.

She laughed and applauded him and made him feel like a normal twenty-two-year old that was just beginning. He sat back down slightly flushed and reached for his beaker, feeling Spinners End coming closer.

"What do you do?" He suddenly felt lighter than he had in months, and thought a brief interlude into the Muggle world may clear his head, and help him to forget.

"Me?" She looked down for a moment then quickly up. "We never had money for school and such. Da said I was not grand enough."

"You did not attend University?" he asked, not fathoming how she must feel about this.

"I work over at the foundry, in the office," she said. "I have my own place and all."

"I see," he said nodding as he looked at her, not seeing at all. He looked at her chipped nails, the run in her stockings, her worn trainers and wondered at what she said.

"How did you do it?" She pulled her brow together. "I mean, knowing your father, how did you ever manage to go to a boarding school?"

He had never considered it. He had never thought of what his education had cost. How had his mother saved the money form the household budget? Had she sold of items that would disappear from the house on occasion? He did not know the answer. He was cold again and could not breathe, his voyage to the Muggle world that brief and tenuous that a simple word had unravelled him.

"The other bookcase, you said was upstairs?" He needed to stand, to leave and have done with this.

"Yep, come on I will show you." She headed back into the sitting room and up the stairs. This house, like every other on the street was the same. Severus already knew the way.

He walked up the stairs behind her, suddenly aware of her small waist and flared hips, the way her skirt brushed the backs of her legs, the way her bare arm reached for the banister and the curve of her neck as she lowered her head to watch her steps.

"In here," she said over her shoulder as she turned into what would be his lab, only in this house, it was her room.

"There." She stood aside in the too small space created by packing crates and boxes destined for the bin and pointed to a small four shelved bookcase.

He started over to the bookcase but soon found he had to step sideways and nearly press against her to pass. He stopped in front of her and smelling her hair looked down to see liquid brown in her eyes. He leaned down, lifted her chin, and without thinking put his lips easily on hers.

Pulling his head back only enough to part their mouths, he began to say something but no words would come. He felt her lean her head forward and finish the kiss. She fully parted her lips, allowing his tongue to enter, to tell him she welcomed him.

"I am sorry," he whispered, "I had not intended to do that."

"I know." She turned and ran down the stairs.

"Hannah." He followed her down and then hurried to stand behind her. "I have never been so forward. If you knew me you would understand how unlike me this is."

"I know, it just surprised me is all," she said looking out the window.

"It will not happen again," he said stiffly.

"No," she said turning around so quickly she blushed. "I didn't say I didn't like it, just that I was surprised, is all."

"Oh," he said not knowing enough in the Wizard or Muggle world to answer this, to know the proper response.

"I have embarrassed you now." She tried to smile but was getting lost in the attempt. She avoided his eyes by ducking down her head.

"No, not at all," he said looking around as if to find something to say. "I really should be going."

"I will be back later tonight if you would like to pick up the bookcases at the same time." She said walking to the table to begin cleaning it up, not looking at him, still feeling the heat of her blush and the coolness of his lips.

He nodded his agreement and walked back to his own kitchen that held no tinned soup in beakers to offer to friends, and wondered why he had kissed her. Shaking his head, he sat down and opened the second letter delivered to this house in eleven years with a Hogwarts seal.

He stared at the false congratulatory letter. Albus Dumbledore heralded him as one of Hogwarts successful alumni. He felt like he could not breathe, he rushed to his old room and began cleaning again to forget the obscenity of the missive.

He knew the Headmaster's hand had poised with the quill, how he had struggled with the words, he had to write. How he had wanted instead to write of Dark Marks and Tom's Revels and all the things in between. The words still unwritten hung heavy in the air and were still waiting to fall onto parchment.

He did not know why Hannah's presence across the road should be on his mind all day. With every trip he made down to the bin, he would stop to look out the window, waiting to see a light flick on to announce her arrival back to Spinners End.

It was late by the standards of Spinners End when he heard the too loud racing of a car engine and then the rumbling as it stopped. He looked out the window and saw Hannah getting out of the car and walking hurriedly around to the curb. The driver, a sandy haired man with rolled up sleeves and heavy boots, ran after her, he grabbed her arm and pulled her back. Severus could not hear what they said but knew this was a lover's quarrel. He thought to stay out of it but watched and waited until he saw her head snap back from the slap.

He grabbed his wand, slipping it in his pocket and started across the road. Her date, as it was, had already jumped back in the car and was racing off, his car belching out foul smelling air.

"Hannah?" he said her name as a question and stepped behind her, taking her house key from her shaking hand.

Opening the door for her and feeling for the light switch, he was startled to feel her hand on his.

"Leave the light off, I must look a sight," she said tearfully. "Let me just run upstairs and clean up before you turn it on."

He heard her steps on the stairs before he turned and looked at the nearly dark room. He crossed over to the mantle, and with a quick look to the stairs cast a soft Lumos. He looked at the line of Muggle pictures. They were all of her, and who must be Jack. She was there at all her different ages. All of them held her in the same pose. She sat with her hands folded in her lap looking straight at the camera and smiled.

He picked up a picture that must have been taken at the about the same time he had gone to Hogwarts. She wore a white dress and veil and in her folded hands, he saw the cross that she kissed and the silver beaded chain wrapped around her wrist. He felt a chasm large enough to swallow him completely open under his feet.

"My Confirmation picture," she said coming up behind him looking at his wand light oddly.

"That is a strange looking torch," she said.

He turned and walked to the light switch uttering a quiet Nox and cursing himself for his carelessness.

"Yes," he said returning and placing the picture back on the mantel before looking at her. He ran the pad of his thumb over her lip now showing in the light, frowning at the damage he saw.

"I can fix this," he said on impulse taking her hand and leading her into the kitchen.

"Sit." He pointed to a packing box by the door. "Now just lean your head back and close you eyes"

He waited until she shut her eyes, and then pulling out his wand, he said a soft incantation and healed her. She gasped at the feeling of the static electricity that tingled on her mouth and lifted her fingers to her lip.

"Its fine now," he chuckled at her surprise. "Open your eyes."

"How did you do that?" She looked at him with her eyes growing large.

"Magic," he said watching her face as he smirked. "Magic."

He threw his head back and laughed at the absurdity of the situation. A twenty-two-year old Death Eater had just healed the lip of a young, and maybe not so innocent, confirmation girl in the picture.

"Am I funny to you?" She stood to leave the kitchen sudden bitterness in her voice.

"Hannah no." He grabbed her hand. "Please, sit."

She sat back on the crate and watched him as he found his own box and pulled it over to sit opposite her.

"Who was that, in the car?" he asked, leaning forward not knowing why he cared.

"My boyfriend, or was my boyfriend I guess." She looked away from Severus.

"You should stay away from him," he said flatly watching her hands.

"I know." She turned back to him. "I keep trying, but then he comes around and tells me how sorry he is and…."

"Do you remember my mother?" Severus said quickly. "She kept forgiving him. For years she forgave him for beating her, she even forgave him for beating me."

"We are a pair, only maybe it's all of us kids from Spinners End." She shook her head. "We could start a club. Call it the Spinner End kids. We could trade memories and compare scars. We could sit around on dark nights and tell each other our horror stories and see who flinches first."

"Hannah," he said shaking his head having already been down the path she had found.

"Jack isn't down working the docks you know." She looked up at him suddenly. "They locked him up. He got in a fight and he stuck some bloke in a bar."

"People are seldom what you want them to be, or what you think they are," he said as a warning to himself, as much as to her.

"I can't get this place out of me Severus." Tears started to fall on her cheeks. "I try but it drags on me. I can smell it on my clothes when I leave here. I sometimes think its stink is in me."

He stood up, pulled her to her feet, lowered his mouth, and captured hers. He pulled her as close as he could as his arms wrapped around her, feeling her warmth and softness.

"I know Hannah," he whispered in her ear, "I know. I feel it also."

"Severus?" She raised her lips to his. "Please Severus, stay the night with me."

"Are you sure?" he asked stopping his ministrations and holding her at arms length.

"Severus, I've never done anything like this before." She reddened and turned her face away. "I mean, not so fast, with someone I don't know too good anymore, some one who doesn't even remember me."

"Why? Why now? Why with me?"

"I need to know," she said as she brought a finger to her lower lip that he had just healed, and put her head on his chest. "I need to feel that I am worth something, that not all men only want to hurt me. Gods Severus, I don't know. I just need someone to care. I need to get this place out of me, and I want you to remember me again."

His lips crushed into hers again, his tongue probed her mouth tasting and nipping at her lips. He suddenly wanted her more than anything he had ever wanted. He closed his eyes in the kiss, and found no memory of the green, but only saw the liquid brown of her eyes.

"I don't smell it on you," He breathed heavily as he lifted her up and walked to the stairs. "I don't smell Spinners End on you."

He carried her up and laid her on her childhood bed. He took off her clothes, slowly as he kissed and felt her body. He revelled in the fact that she wanted him, and she groaned into him, and said his name. She asked him to hurry and pushed up her hips. She was not disgusted to want him.

He had only taken whores before. He paid well when he did, knowing that not all whores welcomed his sort, and he always paid them more than they asked. He never thought to bring them pleasure. He found he wanted to bring pleasure now, if for just a while, he wanted her to feel, and he wanted those feelings to be for him.

Hannah looked into his eyes and smiled, and did not see his mark as anything more than a Muggle tattoo, an accepted form of body art on Spinners End. She ran her arms over his scars and accepted them as Muggle beatings from a father not unlike her own. He kissed away her tears and gave her peace and comfort, she gave him an acceptance he had never known and a coming together he had never felt.

He waited until her wetness coated his hand, and then leaning down to her ear, he licked its outer shell.

"Hannah," he whispered, "I need you too, you have no idea how I need you."

"Severus, please," she begged him to hurry her release.

"Shhhh." He kissed her deeply and positioned himself over her. "Look at me, I want to remember this part.""Remember what?" She turned her eyes to his and looked as he pushed into her hard and firm.

"Oh my gods, Severus, my god," she gasped with her eyes locked to his.

"I want to remember that." He chuckled watching her face. "Just that, I need to take it with me."


	4. Chapter 4

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 4**

* * *

Severus looked up at the castle and tried to see it again though the eyes of the child he had been when he first came here. Failing miserably he pulled his travelling cape tightly around himself and began trudging up the hill against the cold mountain wind and moist ocean air.

He tried to remember her liquid brown eyes and his name on her lips. He wanted to remember her and hold on to her world, and what was left of his, in this world that pushed him out and then allowed him to slip back in. Her eyes did not belong here. He had left her at Spinners End with his old life, with her belonging at the seaside park with her friends heading for the coaster.

He felt the same transformation he always felt as he transitioned from one world to the next. His change was utterly complete. Try as he might to hold on to her, his memories became muddled and dark as he approached the castle.

Lily was here, it was her eyes he saw and her smile that was on the back of his eyelids. She was more than what he had lost, more than a wife and the mother she had been. She was this world, she was his youth, she was the connecting thread between this and Spinners End, and she should have been his salvation by surviving this war, his only testament to kindness.

He walked into the gates and stood still looking up at the turrets watching as owls circled the peaks. He smirked knowing that First Years would be getting their letters soon. He reached in his pocket, comforted by the fact that he still had his letter, his invitation to join, his first ticket of passage given freely, and with no strings attached.

He walked up the path and to the main doors as the time slipped away leaving him once again a first year student feeling important and welcomed. He madly wanted to be that first year again and closing his eyes he pulled open the doors and let the smells and sounds of the echoing hallways greet him and for just a moment to allow him to be what he needed.

He hesitated, and almost turned back to return to Spinners End and to the life he was born into. He could forget all this, pretend it a dream, and not see the wreckage and the havoc he had helped create. He could close his mind, ignore the metal and splintered wood, and shut out the sound of the twisted screams that he heard as the monster had climbed higher.

Again, he closed his eyes to take a breath and calm his nerves and saw the Dard Mark float over the twisted body of a dragon.

Opening his eyes with a sudden gasp, he walked to the stairs between the gargoyles, which looked down at him. They lifted their heads, allowed him entry and carried him up silently, without metal gears and chains to warn him of how high he climbed. He entered the Headmaster's office to find him standing at the window, hands clasped behind his back, not looking at the boy now man who walked in, not wanting this confrontation anymore than he.

"Mr Snape," Albus said letting the name and title hang in the air.

"Headmaster," Snape returned with a nod knowing that he was not Severus here.

"To what do I owe the honour of your presence?" Headmaster Dumbledore asked sternly.

"I have questions," Snape sneered, at once unable to put forth the true reason.

"You think to find your answers here? Perhaps you are in the wrong place if it is answers to your actions that you seek."

Severus reached in his pocket, brought out his First Year letter, and threw it on the Headmaster's desk.

"I want to know why that was sent," he said to the Headmaster at a sudden loss of words.

"You know all magical children receive such a letter." The Headmaster frowned at him.

"No." Severus leaned over, smoothed out the letter, and pointed to the salutation. "Here, see what it says."

"I fail to see a problem." The Headmaster was looking at the same anger he had seen in the Seventh Year Mr. Snape and something else he had yet to identify.

"It is addressed to her, to Eileen Prince for her son." He looked up with the eyes of a child. "Why was it not sent to me?"

"Your mother was married in the Muggle World. Her new name was not recorded in this one, nor was her son's." The Headmaster looked at him evenly.

"How much was it? How much did it cost, to come here I mean." Severus ran his hand through his hair. "What did she have to give up for this?"

"Her life," was Dumbledore's simple answer. "You know your father never forgave her for this."

"Her life?" Severus echoed the words.

"Yes, she gave up her life for you." Dumbledore walked over to his desk and sat down. "Hers was not as quick a death as some who die for their child. Hers was a much slower death, and to some a much sadder one."

Lily's name hung in the air unspoken, thick and heavy as if her heart were still beating. Severus bit the inside of his cheek to still his rage or his tears, he could no longer tell the difference. He could not recognize what he felt. He knew he was spinning out of control. He heard the sound of gears cranking up a small cart and spun around to find where the sound came from.

"You knew, you knew what he would do yet you sent this anyway." Severus turned back to the desk and pointed at the old letter with his hand shaking.

"I am sure you did not make this long journey just to discuss an old letter and your mother's needless death." Dumbledore leaned back and looked at him coldly.

"You sent this." Severus shoved his shaking hands in his pockets and searched for the second letter. Not finding it, he appeared to panic.

"You are referring to the letter sent out upon completion of you requirements of Potion Master?" Dumbledore asked coldly.

"Yes, I thought I had it with me." He looked up and realized what he must look like the Headmaster.

"I wanted to know how it was paid for. I never questioned how it was paid."

"Perhaps when you see Tom again you can pose the same question to him. It is rather late to be inquiring about how that past debt was paid."

"Why would he do that?" Severus began pacing. "Why would he pay for my training?"

"He already held your life, was not your soul worth so much more?" Dumbledore watched him closely.

"I asked him for nothing," Severus spat.

"Did you not?" Dumbledore stood and glared at him. "Did you not ask him to spare a life?"

"I am not here to discuss that," Severus said angrily.

"Tell me then, answer but one question." Dumbledore stood in front of him to stop his pacing. "Why are you here?"

"I told you, the letters," he said.

"No Mr Snape, here, to this world." Dumbledore peered over his glasses. "You had a choice, the same choice all those raised in the other world have. Tell me why you are here."

"You sent a letter." Severus walked over, picked up his First Year letter, and thrust it to the old man.

"Did you once in your seven years here ask to go back?" Dumbledore demanded an answer. "In seven years did you once save your mother a beating and return to your father's world?"

"You sent the letter," Severus said, "I was a child."

"Was it a child that took the mark?" Dumbledore thundered. "Answer me boy, tell me why you or all the others like you stay?"

"Like me?" Severus glowered, "You mean half blood?"

"Why did you stay, why do you stay still?" Dumbledore stepped closer.

"This is my home, this is…" Severus looked at him.

"This is your home Mr Snape?" Dumbledore cocked his head. "How is this home?"

"My friends are here." Severus defended his choice of words.

"Narcissa Malfoy?" Dumbledore shook his head. "For one friend you stay? For one person you make your life here?"

"I have other friends," Severus raged at him. "My classmates, the other…"

"Enough!" Dumbledore silenced him. "They are dead, gone to your cause."

"It was not my cause." He raked his trembling hand through his unkempt hair. "They were my friends."

"They were never your friends." Dumbledore's voice had returned to normal. "They were only there to take advantage."

Severus started for the door as Dumbledore waved his arm and warded the door closed against Severus.

Severus turned toward him in a rage. His hand clenched wanting to reach for his wand.

"Answer my question," Dumbledore said slowly, in his now controlled rage. "Why are you here?"

"I am a wizard," Severus seethed. "I belong here."

"You are what you are here or there, but you chose to stay here." Dumbledore turned back to the desk.

"I belong here," Severus said wanting to believe it.

"You belonged at Spinners End, yet you came," the Headmaster replied

"Tell me old man, why don't you tell me." Severus had his hand on his wand ready to fight.

"Power." was all Albus said.

"I never asked for power," Severus laughed. "Not once did I ask for it."

"No, you took it. We offered you a home, and you sought out power instead." Dumbledore made a steeple with his fingers and put them under his chin.

"Magic is power Mr Snape. You will never go back to the other world as it would mean giving up that power, and that you are not willing to do," he said thoughtfully. "You sought out even more, in too much of a hurry to gain it honestly, you went to Tom for it."

"Lily wanted power, you knew her before you came here," Dumbledore dropped her name as if it meant nothing. "She found a home here, and gained her magic honestly, and used it wisely."

"You have no business bringing her into this," he stormed. "She would never want power."

"Of course she did Mr Snape," Dumbledore chuckled. "What did you think this was all about? Magic? Tricks for children?"

"No, I never thought it just for children," Severus sat down; he found his legs shook to hard to hold him.

"Dark Arts are the most powerful Mr Snape," Dumbledore said in a voice so quiet that Severus had to look up to his face in hopes of hearing him. "This was the type of power that you sought."

"You thought Tom would give you the knowledge to gain that power but he would not. He would not give you what you sought until he owned you." Dumbledore leaned back in his chair. "Tell me Mr Snape, how does it feel to be owned?"

"He does not own me!" Severus stood and glared at the old man. "He is dead, and just as well."

"We both know that is not true. Many died that night, more then you know, but we both know Tom did not." The Headmaster stood. It was his turn to pace.

"Tell me about Lily and James." He stood as he had stood before; hands clasped behind his back as he looked out the window, and saw the sweeping lawns.

"He said he would not harm her," Severus lowered his head at his own admission.

"The one that gave you no power, then promised not to harm your class mates?" Dumbledore turned back to look at the younger wizard with disgust.

"No, only her. He broke his promise." Severus was confused.

"Do you know she was killed saving her son?" Dumbledore said. "Did you not ask for his life?"

"No, he belonged to Potter," Severus spat the name. "I thought Potter would take him and leave."

"Yet, if you had saved the child, the mother would still be here." Headmaster Dumbledore turned back to the window.

"I was not there." He walked toward Dumbledore, and then stopped half way. "I was not there."

"To see her die?" The headmaster shot back. "You were not needed for her final demise, he found the information he needed else where. You only helped set the murder in motion."

Severus sucked in his breath not believing the Headmaster would say this, that he should be accused aloud.

"He did need me. He said I was important to him that is why he wanted me near," Severus shouted. "I didn't know what he planned. I didn't understand."

"Why did you ask me how your schooling was paid?" Dumbledore turned to face him. "Does your admission that he had need of you show your lie? You stand there and say you did not know how your bills were paid. When you left here until he supposedly died, how did you survive? Who paid your way?"

"Why did he not go after the other seventh month child?" Dumbledore spat out without waiting for Severus to respond. "Had it anything to do with you?"

"No, I don't understand what you are talking about." Severus ran his fingers through his hair again, glancing at the door, needing to shed this conversation.

"No? Did you not keep her name in front of him?" Dumbledore pushed. "But let us move on to other more personal things. Let us talk of the Prewett boys, Gideon and Fabian. Where were you when they happened to be out late one night?"

"Happened to be out, you make it sound like a late night stroll, visiting someone down the road." Severus shook his head while he talked. "No, it was not like that. They came looking for us."

"Do you remember why?" Dumbledore stood leaning on his desk with both arms, leaning toward Severus as in challenge. "Do you not remember who else was on the land? What else he planed to do?"

"Many were there, I don't remember them all." He looked up and swallowed hard.

"Yet you remember Sirius?" Dumbledore said quite a low. "When you saw him there, how did you feel?"

"I have no memory of it." He waved off his hand, and then suddenly saw the field. "Sirius was not there."

"You do have the memory of you and Lucius do you not?" Dumbledore leaned back in his chair again. "That first night you took your oath and a young girl from your very own Slytherin house?"

Severus felt the balloon in his chest all ready expanding, threaten to explode.

"How did it feel when you finally snapped her neck?" Dumbledore said.

"Let us recap our conversation so far." The older wizard said calmly as Severus's mind spun out of control. "You joined a cause that we do not even know if you believe in, for the power you could gain. In return, you gave him you soul. Your have raped and you have killed. One poor girl I have identified, although there is no proof. You have aided in the killing of the Prewett brothers and no doubt, others, although you will claim, it is in self-defence. You orchestrated the death of James Potter and his son in hopes of Lily returning to you. Have I missed anything?"

Hearing only silence he watched as Severus tried to pour himself a glass of water. He saw the young wizards hand shake so badly he could not and slammed the glass back on the table. Dumbledore reached into his desk drawer pulled out a bottle of fire whiskey and pushed it across the desk.

"Now it would seem you have brought your father to me." Dumbledore said as he un-warded the door. "If you want to leave, go. Go and be your father with his whiskey and whores, throwing his life away with hers"

"She is not a whore." Severus stood up confused as to who Albus was talking about, or to, and stared toward the door. "Her name in Hannah, she is from Spinners End and she is not a whore."

"Severus." The headmasters calling him by his given name was more chilling than that had gone before. "Why did you come?"

"Because," he said not turning around. "I feel I am dying, Headmaster. I thought death would be quicker than this."

"Do you want it to stop?" Dumbledore said softly. "Is that why you came?"

"No, I don't deserve that." Severus said for the first time honest. "I wanted someone to know, I wanted you to know I am dead."

Severus walked down the circular staircase slowly at first, and then broke into a run. He ran outside the main gates and spun around returning to this home at Spinners End.

"Albus?" Minerva stepped out of his inner office. "What are you going to do?"

"Minerva, I quite forgot you were still in there." Dumbledore chuckled at the pile of parchments she carried.

"You ca' not leave it like that," she said scowling at him. "That child is hurting."

"Minerva, he is no longer a child." Albus turned on her with a cold stern voice. "Look what he has become."

"I know Albus. I did see what he has become." She reached over and patted his arm. "It breaks my heart."

"I knew his mother. She was I believe a Third Year, when I started teaching here," Minerva said as she stepped to the window to watch Severus run across the grounds. "I see her in him at times. A sad little thing she was."

"You have always been partial to the boy," Albus sighed. "What of the man Minerva, the full grown and cruel Wizard he has become, are you partial to him as well?"

"Is that what you see Albus?" Minerva shook her head. "I have not seen a full grown Wizard in him as of yet, only the boy he has always been. Right now he is a sad and broken boy. We asked too much of them you know, us and Tom both. It is a wonder that more did not go with him."

"Ask Molly if he is worthy of your forgiveness," Albus threw this out as if in challenge. "Ask if she still misses her brothers."

"I will, and then you will talk to him again," Minerva said and frowned at him, and then turning started from the room.

"Suffer the childless mother and beware the motherless child." He muttered and shook his head.

"I heard that Albus." She called back over the shoulder. "I heard you old man. Now fix this."

* * *

I have been reworking this since the original posting. I hope some of the original errors are now corrected, and that it reads smoother.... drop a review and let me know.


	5. Chapter 5

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 5**

* * *

Severus apparated from Hogwarts, back into his yard at Spinners End. He pulled off his robes in the few short steps it took him to reach the back door, pulling the door open and throwing his robes on the back of a kitchen chair as he almost ran to the front window of the sitting room. Pulling the curtain back, he saw two cars in front of the house across the way. Double-checking that his wand was well hidden he hurried across the road to see her.

As he was sprinted up the pavement, he watched Hannah struggle down her steps with a too heavy box. Stepping up he took it from her, raising his eyebrow at her expression of surprise.

"Severus, I was not expecting you back." She looked up at him flushing. "You left before I woke."

"Is this a bad time?" He looked behind her to ascertain who was with her.

"No, stay," she said and smiled. "Some ladies from the relief kitchen came by. The have a family that needs odds and end, and since I only have odds and ends it seems to save me the bother of hauling most of this junk away."

"I want to see you tonight," he said with a sharp edge to his voice. "Not like last night, I just need to see you, to talk to you."

"What is wrong Severus, you look a fright." She walked over to the larger of the two cars and opened the boot.

He placed the box in the car then turned, grabbing her arms, pulling her to him.

"Hannah, I can not tell you everything, I just need you tonight." He sighed knowing how this mustsound. "Not like that Hannah, I do not want you just for that, I need just to have someone near."

"Severus?" She brought her hand to his eyes and used the pad on her thumb to wipe off a tear that still lingered. "Severus? Yes, as soon as I am done here I can come over."

He nodded and stepped back, his heart was racing in fear that she would change her mind, his chest sore from his attempts to breath evenly.

"All I have is pickles," he blurted out then turned red. With everything, he could have said this is what fell out. "And tea, I think I have tea, and milk."

"From the smell of you last night I think you can add whiskey to that list." She paused, hesitated slightly then looked him directly in the eyes. "No whiskey tonight, okay?"

"No, no whiskey tonight." He turned on his heel, and went home burning with her reprimand. . He stood over the kitchen sink and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. His head felt like he would explode soon. He needed her now. He needed to touch someone and not be alone.

She watched him hurry away from her and remembered the last time he had ran from her. That one night had defined her life, and he had forgotten it, and her. She had always had the adolescent hope that he would return. The hope that one day his long legged gait would find its way across the road and up to her door.

She had held onto that hope when she first noticed a flicker of light in his upstairs window. She had held onto that hope when she had found her courage to walk across the road and knock on his door, and had lost that hope when he looked down at her and did not remember her. He did not remember as he came to her bed. He did not remember her even as he begged her now to come to him.

Hannah started back into her mother's house, full of memories, determined to be the one to leave this time. She made her plans to leave Spinners End and him this time. She would do the last thing that he asked, and then she would go.

Severus paced from the kitchen to the sitting room and back to the kitchen again. He angrily pushed the door open with a crash and went outside, looking around, searching for something he could not find, and did not know what it was. A noise filled his ears, like a giant seashell held too long at his ear, it crashed around him in waves, with a sound so loud he could feel it.

He felt as if heavy chains bound him to the earth, and he could not make it back inside. He slid down to the ground and covered his ears wanting the noise to end.

When Hannah knocked on the door and he did not answer, she let herself in. Her hand automatically reached for the switch only to hear the soft click as nothing happened. She thought his electricity cut off, common in Spinners End, and hearing a sound she walked toward it. Then, she saw him through the open kitchen door.

Severus had fallen to his knees and wrapped his arms around his head, leaning himself forward as if in supplication. She found him trembling, with great shudders coming over him. Running, she went to him and went down on her knees in front of him, pulling up his head to look at him.

"My God Severus, what is it?" Her voice echoed her fear. "Severus, look at me, you are scaring me. Please?"

He looked up and reached for her, pulling her into him, holding her so tightly she found it hard to breathe.

"I don't know," he choked, "I don't know what I feel. I want this to stop."

"Severus?" She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close. "You can tell me, I will listen."

"I can not." He fought to control himself. "I can not tell you. You would not understand."

"Well." She sat on the ground with him. "I will sit right here until you tell me, then I will tell you if I understand or not. If I don't understand you can explain it."

"No." He struggled to stand, until he could sneer down at her. "Get up, you look like a fool."

She hastily got up on her feet to run into the house to get away from the sudden anger she had seen flash behind his eyes. As she tried to pass him, he reached out and grabbed her wrist. leering down at her, and raking his eyes over her body.

"I will show you what your kind is good for." He pushed her up to the outside wall of the house, and pressing his lips to hers, he wedged one leg between hers and pushed into her, pinning her to the wall.

"Feel me witch," he chuckled into her ear. "Is this what you want? Is this why you are here? I can make you scream, I can make you call out my name."

He crushed her lips once more and kissed her eyes. He tasted her tears and finally heard her sobs and froze. He pulled back looking at her in horror, stepped back and shook his head.

"My Merlin, Hannah," he whispered when he saw her ripped blouse, and exposed bra. "Hannah, my Gods Hannah. I didn't know what I…"

He pulled out his wand without thinking and flicked it at her, softly casting the spell to repair her clothing and then turned away.

"You should not trust me further," he said stiffly. "Leave me. Leave me before I hurt you."

"What did you just do?" She looked down at her clothing and up to him, at the same time she edged toward the door.

"I wanted to rape you," he sneered turning furiously at her. "Are you that much of a fool? Are you that accustomed to this kind of treatment that you have grown to enjoy it? Can you only feel pain? Is that why you choose the men you do?"

"Perhaps." She moved closer to the open door. "Perhaps that is the truth of it. It's all I've known."

She turned to leave as he ran to her, and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind.

"Please, just stay," he whispered into her hair. "I need to make it though this night. I will not hurt you."

"Severus, you scare me." She pulled away from him. "Is there someone I can call for you?"

"No." He shook his head.

"Family?" she asked. "A friend?"

"No one." He turned and walked away.

"Severus, that thing you did to my clothes, and my lip yesterday." She hesitated seeing how quickly he turned to her.

"Forget about that," he snapped, angry once again.

"This has something to do with your owl," she stated flatly. "I don't know how, but I think it does."

"Hannah don't. There are things I can not say," he said looking around for something he could not find.

"The owls, my lip and clothes, and what ever is wrong with you," she paused. "These things all fit together?"

"Yes, let it go." He walked up and stood close to her, afraid to reach out for fear of hurting her. He wanted to take her so badly he was the one that hurt.

"See that door through there?" She lifted her arm and pointed to the kitchen and the door beyond. "Well Mr Snape, I am going to walk out of that door and leave you here if you don't come to the quick."

"I can't do this." He put his right hand in his pocket and felt comforted with the feel of his wand.

"Severus, stop." She crossed to him and bravely rested her hand on his arm. "What ever it is, this is killing you."

He threw his head back and laughed at her and then grabbing her arms, he shook her.

"Let me tell you a fairy tale, a bedtime story to scare the children. It's a story about a poor young maiden and a Wizard who kills her," he ginned. "Or, should I just show you how a Wizard fucks a maiden and snaps her neck?"

He pushed her away, keeping his eyes locked on hers.

"You are no maiden. Will that change the ending?" He madly laughed again. "It must, I know because this will have no happy ending."

"You see Hannah; there are things in this world you can not imagine. I know strange and wonderful things that would delight and amaze you." He drew out his wand and created a shower of multi colour sparks to fall from the sky. Turned toward the house and commanded a loud "Lumos," lighting every candle in the house.

"You see my dear; there are also things that would freeze your young blood." He turned her stunned face to his by placing two fingers under her chin. "I have power. The Headmaster has told me that I stole it, I think he means for me to give it back. Perhaps he means to steal it."

He leaned down to take her mouth with his and taste her, but tasted only salt and Spinners End. Severus held her gently, stroked her back, and asked her to stay. He laid his head into her neck, held her as tenderly as he knew how, and pleaded for her not to run.

That night until the sun came up they sat on the sitting room floor as he talked and raved. When he had finally slipped to sleep, she carefully shifted his head from her lap to the floor. Quietly she found a quill and a piece parchment in the drawer as he said she would. She looked at it strangely; she had never used a quill. The finished note looked splattered and old. Folding it too roughly, she had creased and torn it.

She saw a ball of sting in the drawer next to the parchment and walking in to the yard she clicked her tongue and watched as the owl woke and flew to her.

"Okay bird." She grinned to see the bird come to her. "I don't know how to do this so if I get this too tight just flap or something."

Once she had the missive tied on the owl's leg, she stood back and smiled.

"Okay, off with you," she said flapping her own arms as if to show the owl what she wanted.

The owl looked at her, and tilted its head to the side.

"Okay bird, now listen. I don't know how to do this, just go get someone." She put her hands on her hips as the bird looked at her and only hooted.

"I am sorry I don't understand you either," she bit her lip. "The only person he mentioned, not really his name but his title, is a Headmaster. Can you take this to a Headmaster, only I don't know where?"

The owl rewarded Hannah with a soft hoot. It lowered its head, spread its great wings and flew off to the north. She watched it until it was out of sight remembering how she had watched these birds in her childhood. Things began falling into place.

She remembered his father running over a bike, and the next day presenting it to the neighbour in near perfect condition. She remembered the flowers that would bloom over night, only in the yard at the corner. Most of all, she still remembered the day at the seaside, that he did not. He had joked and said she would be warm enough, when she complained she had forgotten her jumper. She had not felt the wind, no matter how fast the cart fell, and no matter how dark it grew.

Returning to sit on the floor by Severus, she reached over and covered him with a blanket she had taken from his bed. She knew she could not help him. She hoped the man he kept talking about could.

Severus did not wake when Albus walked into his kitchen. Hannah had heard a noise and looked to see a man with a long white beard, dressed in long flowing dress, pressing a finger to his lips. She looked back at Severus as she stood up and walked to join him.

"Are you his headmaster?" she asked in a whisper. Seeing his nod she crooked her finger at him and led him back outside, shutting the door behind him

"I didn't know what to do." She looked him up and down. "I take it you are a Wizard, like what he was saying?"

"Ah, so I see he has told you about his life." Albus nodded at her.

"Yes and no. I don't think he meant to, and he is talking all jumbled and not together." She worried her lip.

"Lister Mr…" She paused and looked him over. "What do I call you?"

"You may call me Headmaster, or Albus," he replied sternly.

"We grew up together, me and Severus. I knew he was home for a while now. Two days ago, I got the nerve up to come over here. He seemed right fine at first."

Albus saw the colour come up her cheeks and knew this was the one Severus had mentioned.

"Then today he went out, he wasn't gone too long." She looked up at him close to tears. "When he came back something had happened. He was happy at first but kind of … Listen Headmaster, I don't know how to put this."

"He was needy?" Albus offered knowing how Severus had left, and how he must have returned.

"Yes," She smiled and coloured even more. "When he came back he was needy. Then he changed and tried to hurt me, and then he would cry and turn nice again. Something is wrong with him. He really needs help. He told me he has done horrid things. I can't say I believe it all, but he does. You need to help him."

"He has not asked for help." Albus crossed his arms. "I take it you sent the owl?"

"You Bastard," she seethed. "He lays in there like a wreck and you expect him to ask you? He is laying in there because he never asked for anything. I don't think he knows how. I knew him when we were kids, and no matter how bad things got he never asked for anything."

"You know nothing of this," Albus frowned at this cheeky Muggle.

"Men," she spat. "Is that why you people never helped his mother? He said you could have taken her away."

"She chose this life." Albus looked at her firmly.

"Chose? She chose to the beaten? She chose?" Hannah walked up and pointed to his chest, and thumped her finger on him as she spoke. "Listen here Mister-Head-of-I-Don't-Give-a-Bloody-Hell-Who-You-Are. No woman asks to be beaten. They let men get away with it because for some reason they think it will buy them love. I am an expert at this."

"You great over stuffed baboon." She then flung her hand and pointed to the house. "Do you think he is laying there feeling any different? Do you not think his mother taught him well?"

"I am not saying he should not pay for what he has done. He said there was a woman, a young girl really, and he…" She looked up at Albus tearfully. "He said what he did and he ran out here and vomited. I guess he must have really done it."

"He has done many things that may never be forgiven," Albus told her seriously. Then reached in his robes and pulled out his wand.

"This is where you take my memories?" she asked stepping back from him. "He told me about this part. He said that if I was still here he would do it to me in the morning."

Albus hesitated as he studied the woman in front of him. He wondered how much she truly knew.

"You are no better than he is." She reached up to slap him only to have her hand caught in a vice like grip.

"He means that much to you?" Albus looked at her sternly as he held her wrist.

"I don't know, I guess. Yes, maybe he does," she managed to admit. "Listen Headmaster, I am leaving here. I am going to live with my Da, just outside Dublin. I leave tonight. I would never tell anyone, and you could tell him where I am later. I don't even think he cares."Albus lowered his wand looking intently at the small Muggle woman who would defy him and argue for Severus. He had known Severus since he was a First Year and knew no one who would fight for him. Narcissa would wait and wipe the blood away, but never would she fight for him.

"Leave now," he said slowly, "before he wakes. I will make sure he gets what he needs."

"Promise?" She narrowed her eyes at him. "You will not hurt him?"

"No child, no more than he has hurt himself." Albus finally smiled at her, seeing her innocence to their world. "You must leave."

"I have no choice." She put her hands to her hair as if to tidy herself. "You will tell him to find me, when he is better I mean?"

"Yes, when he is better," Albus nodded in agreement.

Hannah slipped back through the house. Kneeling down she kissed Severus forehead, and with one backward look at Albus, she left.


	6. Chapter 6

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 6**

* * *

Albus Dumbledore sat in Severus's sitting room at Spinners End. He watched as the younger wizard slept on the floor, covered with only his travelling cloak, his arm bent under his head for a pillow.

Severus looked like the young man he was in his sleep. Dark lank hair covered a face that still held the vestige of youthful softness. Upon waking, the hard lines around his mouth would become pronounced. The chiseled features of the future man would be much more defined. Severus's stance would be stiff, with a practiced arrogance, his fists would often clench as he fought back his anger.

Albus shook his head, leaned back and waited for the youth to wake. His thoughts went to Minerva and her mission, as he popped a lemon drop into his mouth, and settled back find some comfort in the straight backed chair. He wished he had made Minerva carry a charmed mirror, he would have enjoyed listening to Minerva talk Molly into forgiving the lad.

"Minerva." Molly Weasley stood with a baby on her hips. "You come here and ask me of all people to forgive him?"

"I know this is hard." Minerva crossed her arms. "If we could just talk, perhaps you could just see your way to forgive the boy, not his actions, but the boy. At least give me the courtesy of explaining."

"We can have a cup of tea." Molly headed to the kitchen. "One cup."

"Molly, you know he went to school with the others, Remus and James?" Minerva started.

"Yes, and that traitor Sirius and poor Peter as well." Molly sniffed and rubbed her nose on her sleeve. "Was that entire seventh year filled with darkness or was it just something they picked up later?"

"Molly, I don't believe, I can not believe what they say about Sirius." Minerva moved a toy from one of the chairs and then sat to watch Molly. "Peter was always a little standoffish, always wanting more. He was the one that would stand in the back and listen, but never offering to help, but not Sirius. The loss of Peter is felt greatly, but we have also lost Sirius to this."

"What of that Snape boy? Him as well?" Molly huffed. "He should have stayed where he was."

"His mother was a dear witch." Minerva leaned back into the chair. "She would have already left Hogwarts by the time you came. She fell in love and married a Muggle. I guess he was a good enough man at the time."

"I remember hearing the stories." Molly nodded as she sipped her tea. "Men don't change Minerva. He was the same as he always was and his son is no different."

"Then she was just a foolish witch that thought his jealousy meant that he loved her more." Minerva looked hard at Molly. "He soon resented her power. She could not work in the Muggle world, what did she know? When times got hard, when he lost his job when the mill closed, she had no Muggle skills."

Molly stood up and laid the baby in a cot she had set up in the corner of the kitchen. She then turned to fix more tea.

"It is an old story, Minerva," Molly shook her head. "But that does not excuse him. I'm surprise you would think it could."

"When her baby came he was beside himself," Minerva went on looking at the clock. "No money, no job. Eileen could use magic to clean and cook, but it did not benefit him in other ways. He took to blaming her."

"I have heard the stories Minerva, what does this have to do with Gideon and Fabian?" She looked at Minerva sharply.

"He beat her if she complained. When that did not solve his problems he beat her for not complaining." Minerva made sure Molly was looking at her before she added the next. "The first time he beat Severus the child was not yet six months old."

"He beat a baby?" Molly gasped.

"Not with his fists or belts, that came later." Minerva calmly sipped her tea. "All he had to do, to a six month old was to drop him, or throw him into the wall. By the time Severus was two, I do not think he knew how to cry anymore. He was beaten every time he did."

Minerva let the words hang in the air as she took her wand up and warmed her tea.

"Little Ronald is so cute Molly." Minerva smiled and nodded her head to the cot. "How old is he now? Six months old, is he not?"

"Minerva!" Molly gasped and shook her finger at the older witch. "That's not fair, don't even compare the two."

"No, but it was not fair when Severus's mother took him back home every time we patched him up. She started to take him to the Muggle doctors then." Minerva ran the back of her hand against her eyes. "Molly, if you had only seen him when he came to us. Thin he was, and pale onto death."

"On with it Minerva." Molly knew what the older witch was doing.

"Severus never made real friends. Oh, he had a few classmates he was tried to be close to, but not true long lasting friends. The Marauders, they made up that name themselves, hurled insults at him and laughed at him all the time. Remus was the only one that recognized him as a kindred soul, but if he befriended Severus he would have been exposed."

"James and Sirius would not have betrayed him," Molly said stiffly.

"Of course they would. They were but children. A child betrayed would lash out." Minerva saw Molly's resolve begin to waiver. "You have six of your own, do you not see this in brothers as well."

"Perhaps, perhaps they may have said something," Molly looked down at her lap.

"Severus was the loneliest First Year I have seen. Only Narcissa Black showed him any kindness." Minerva smiled remembering the two. "I think he was like a little brother that kept her company. And Molly, how he adored her."

"Narcissa? I would not think her capable." Molly was surprised at this bit of information.

"I know," Minerva chuckled. "But she loved him, really Molly. Even after her graduation, and her marriage to Lucius, still she would visit him. For seven years, his only good friend was a woman that married a Death Eater. The only one he loved like family, that did not beat him, or ridicule him, had gone over to Tom."

Minerva leaned back and folded her arms firmly across her chest. She had set the stage, and Molly's face told her she had bought a ticket to the rest of the ride.

"I also know that as a typical teen he was trying to impress a girl friend. I would have been surprised if he did not fall to the other side," Minerva said honestly. "I did nothing to stop it. None of the staff did. We did not believe how truly evil Tom was at the time."

"Albus knew," Molly said.

"Albus has hundreds to watch over." Minerva tried to defend the Headmaster. "The war was growing out of control."

"Your time is passing," Molly, said knowing what was coming. "Finish your tea."

"Severus took the mark, and found out exactly what it cost." Minerva looked at Molly sadly. "Molly, Narcissa and Lucius became his home. He was just seventeen when he took the mark and eighteen when Voldemort called him. He was just a child. Molly, he is so still. He never had the chance to grow up."

"It was not a child that struck down my brothers." Molly lifted her chin defiantly.

"So now we come to this." Minerva looked to the cot in the corner where the baby was fussing.

"He was in a field, with 14 others. Voldemort had called them together. Albus never did discover the reason. Then all hell broke loss." She paused to give Molly a moment. "Gideon and Fabian, along with others landed right in the centre of things. They must have had the wrong co-ordinates not to appear around the edges, it all went so horribly bad."

"No one knows who duelled with whom, or which spell hit the mark. It was bedlam, fourteen Death Eaters, and twelve from the Order, with the Dark Lord trying to get away." Minerva leaned over and grasped Molly hand. "Molly, Severus was but 19 and not the youngest. I do not think he could have done this thing."

"He could have." Molly stiffened.

"He could have, but Molly think." Minerva again paused. "Nineteen and never having fought with a full grown wizard. How could he have done it? How could he have done more the throw up a shield to protect himself?"

"No Molly." Minerva leaned back. "He was there, I have no doubt about it. But he did not throw the curse that fell your bothers."

She paused only a moment. "He has killed Molly, I know that. It eats at him. He is losing his soul, as well as his mind." Minerva now pleaded. "Albus will only intercede if you give him permission. "

"Me?" Molly got up from the table and picked up the baby. "Why should I care what happens to him?"

"Molly, if you could see him." Minerva wiped her tears away. "He wears his guilt Molly, it hangs on him. He came to see Albus."

"Albus?' Molly looked up. "What ever for?"

"For redemption. He came for redemption, or perhaps salvation." Minerva said evenly.

"He asked for that?" Molly whispered. "From Albus? He is a fool."

"No Molly, he said he was dying and needed to let someone know." Minerva felt her tears again.

"He does not know what to ask for, or who to ask. Molly, please. I ask you to save Eileen's baby."

"May I talk to him?"

"I will ask Albus." Minerva held her breath.

"Then go get the poor boy and bring him home." Molly said with anger in her voice. "He will pay dearly for what he has done. Trust me Minerva, I will see to it he pays."

"You are fine with this?" Minerva asked.

"No, not fine." She hesitated as she looked to the cot. "One day we may have need of him and I would rather have him on our side. But Minerva, one wrong thing from his mouth, one wrong word and I will hex him myself."

Minerva rose and went to the younger witch and pulled her into her arms.

"Thank you Molly." She smiled. "Thank you."

"Minerva! You minx!" Molly pulled away looking at Minerva. "You care for the boy."

"Yes Molly." Minerva stood stiffly and smoothed her robes. "I have always been quite fond of him."

"I imagine watching him for seven years would mean something." Molly said as a mother.

"No, Molly," Minerva said sadly. "I have loved him since the first time I helped patch him up when he was but six months old."

Returning to Hogwarts, Minerva found Albus gone, and saw Hannah's note on his desk. Pulling out her wand, she sent her Patronus with a simple message to Albus.

"Bring the boy home."


	7. Chapter 7

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 7**

* * *

Albus chuckled at Minerva's Patronus as it slithered in between the cracks of the door, then stretched out its paws and looked at him as if to tell him to leave the door open next time. He listened to the short clipped message, spoken in Minerva's stern voice and could only shake his head. He had expected as much from the witch.

Albus had watched for years as she spread her arms and gathered all the misfit children to her. All the children loved Minerva as a teacher and mentor after they were used her stern ways. However, it was the misfits, the children not wanted elsewhere she held to her heart tightly and fiercely protected. These children would lay down their lives for her and in later years pledge them selves to the Order to fight beside her.

She was beside herself when Severus had turned from her. She saw it a failure on her part. Perhaps he believed he meant less too her than the other. He thought she had made a choice, and he was not the one chosen.

She had not known what course to take, had not known how to divide herself in two then he had ran to her demanding she take action where Albus would not.

"Severus, he will not be expelled from this school, the Headmaster agrees." Minerva stood firmly in front of the boy, forced to look up at him due to the height he had gained in the past year.

"He almost killed me." The young boy stormed at her.

"It was a mistake, a grievous mistake," she said. "If Mr Lupin is removed from this school no other will take him. It is only by grace that he has made it this far."

"You would rather have that thing here than me," he spat out angrily.

"Mr Snape, control your self, " she snapped. "He has no future at all if he leaves here now. His life will be very hard as it is . At least we can ensure that he has the necessary skills he will need to survive in this world."

"It is always the same." Severus had glared at her. "No matter how hard I try, no matter how high my grades I will never be good enough. I am always the one left out."

"As it will be until you can see the needs in others." She looked down her nose at him. "When you have calmed down we will discus this reasonably."

The discussion had never come. He had refused to talk to her, and in the process of winning the battle over Remus, she had lost the war with Severus.

Albus sighed deeply looking at Severus still asleep on the floor, as the silvery tabby disappeared under the door. He had received many second chances himself, and guilt over many deaths that he had seen still woke him at night. Even in the daylight he would often get lost in the memory of Ariana's gentle ways and how she was changed by an act of violence. He thought of her, and of how she had accidentally killed their mother as he watched Severus sleep.

Perhaps Minerva was right in reaching out to the boy. Perhaps he should give the young man a second chance, and a time to heal that his little sister never had.

Albus nudged the sleeping form with his foot. He scowled suddenly not knowing if he was dealing with a boy or a man. Severus had the years and height of a full-grown wizard, but perhaps Minerva was right that his mind and soul still carried his childhood too close to the surface. Again, he nudged, and waited.

Severus felt the first nudge and the chains pulling the cart up the track snapped. He was falling down, out of control. The second nudge snapped his eyes open and brought him to his feet, his hand reaching to purchase his wand. As he leapt to his feet and pointed his wand, he saw Albus and put a sneer on his face.

Hannah was gone, in her place stood the fool. Severus nervously licked his lips and looked down to where she should lay.

"Where is she?" Severus stood still and tried to clear his thoughts from his sleep fogged brain.

"She has gone," Albus said carefully.

"What did you tell her?" Severus cast a glance at the window. He tried to see through the curtains and across the way.

"I believe from her missive, delivered by owl, you did all the talking," Albus said evenly.

"I want her back," Severus spat walking backwards to the window with his wand pointed at Albus.

"Why are you here old man?" Severus looked around quickly to see that it was just the two of them.

"I have come on behalf of Minerva." Albus realized he had perhaps made an ill choice of words. "I believe, as apparently does Molly Weasley, that you be given a second chance in our world."

Severus narrowed his eyes at the mention of Molly Weasley.

"You mean that Prewett witch? The one with all those red headed brats?" He looked to the window again.

"Do not disrespect her Mr Snape," Albus growled at him. "It is because of her and Minerva that I make this offer. It is up to you to accept."

"Accept what? Scraps from your table?" Severus backed up again. He felt trapped, and wanted to hex the old man in front of him.

"I will expect you tomorrow morning." Albus shook his head. "That is if you can stay sober long enough to clean up."

"You are in my home now," Severus stormed at him. "You will treat me with respect."

"Fine, than stay here." Headmaster Dumbledore's eyes were cold. "If I do not see you in my office tomorrow morning we are done."

Albus raised his hands over his head and clapped, then disappeared in a shower of light and cold flames.

"Fucking show off," Severus muttered walked over and grabbed a half-full bottle of whiskey.

He swallowed a mouth full and felt his stomach loosen and the tense knots ease. He walked to the window once more to pull back the curtain. She was on the pavement, just opening the door to a taxi.

He ran in bare feet, his shirttails loose and flying up behind him and reached her just as she turned to close the door.

"Hannah," he said reaching into the taxi and grabbing her arm. "Please, were you not going to even say goodbye?"

"Severus, I have to go. My plane leaves in two hours and I still have a drive to the airport." She looked up at him.

He pulled on her arm and she stepped out, allowing him to hold her in a hug.

"Hannah, I don't want you to go," he said sincerely.

"Ah now Severus," she chided him. "I don't think you really need me. The Headmaster said he was going to help you. He promised."

"You spoke to him?" Severus pulled her back from him enough to see her face.

"Yes," she smiled. "I have to go. Perhaps one day we will meet again."

"Perhaps," he said stepping back confused. "Hannah, I don't know what to say to you."

"Severus?" She said reddening. "I did enjoy being with you."

He did not answer but held the door for her until she was once again inside. Then slamming the door he stood back and watched her drive away.

.

.Hannah kept her head facing forward, refusing to give in to the temptation to watch him grow smaller in the rear window. She had only come to clean out her mother's house, and that was all she had done. She had not rekindled any type of hope, or met a childhood memory. She looked at her watch and settled back for the long ride.

That night Severus dreamed that it was Hannah sitting next to him in the cart, pulled up higher and tighter.

The gears groaned and became her moans, her face in ecstasy as he plunged into her and the cart fell down. Lily held one of the babes in her arms, the other still laid on the ground, then turning he saw Narcissa dressed in white, blood covering the front of the gown, and Minerva and Molly turned their backs to him and walked over the horizon.

He sat up gasping for air and jumped out of bed. He ran downstairs and into the back yard not knowing where or why he was running. Once there he stood and looked up. A soft misty rain was falling and he found the cold frosty wetness on his face somehow calming.

"Headmaster," he said aloud, and returned to shower and prepare for the day.

Severus began a slow methodical cleansing of the house in the darkness of the morning. He planned never to return. He did not think of what the Headmaster wanted to talk with him, or of the fact that he had no place else to go. He just knew he could no longer hide in this place, too many memories watched him.

First, he completely emptied his bedroom-lab. He stood in the door holding his wand loosely in his hand, and ridded himself of all trace of his childhood and the memories of the boy hiding in the closet tying to muffle his mothers cries. Walking a few steps down to the other bedroom, which had been his parents, every thing there disappeared as well. He looked at the now bare walls with their chipped and cracking plaster, and did not feel even the slightest remorse or the smallest loss.

In the living room, he left the sofa, one chair and the desk. Stopping at the kitchen door he turned back and rid the house of that as well. Walking through the kitchen, the boxes and crates disappeared leaving only a broken bowl in the sink to remind Spinners End of him.

Severus knew he would never be back, he would end this today. He did not know how this would end, or how he wanted it to end, he just knew it would. He poured water on his herbs, plucking off the dead leaves, and trying to cluster the pots closer to the centre of the garden looking up to find the shaft of light. He finally sat back on his heels pleased that they may live for someone else.

He would find Hannah, he thought. She would still want to see him. He would not hurt her, or scare her again. He wanted to hold her hand, hear her voice, and take her with him.

Severus sighed, knowing he would not even try. It was a dream that he could only have when he was awake and could hold back the memories of his other life. Sitting on his heels and looked at his tiny herb garden, and thought, perhaps this was enough to leave at Spinners End. Then, he stood, and taking his wand, vanished the pots as well.

Holding his breath as the first rays of sun shown over the horizon he stood, and spun off to Hogwarts to see the old man.

He found himself again trudging up the hill and looking up at the turrets. He wanted to run back, and he wanted to run to his old common room. He wanted Narcissa to put a cold wet cloth on his head and tell him every thing would be all right again. He knew it would never be all right again.

He closed his eyes to steady his nerves only to see Lily smile sadly at him and hold a baby in her arms. He started to run. He could not gather his nerve and enter the castle. He turned from the path and headed down to the lake instead, he could hide in the tall grass. He would be hidden.

He sat with his back to the castle, and his knees drawn up to his chest. Wrapping his long arms around his legs, he rested his head on his knees. He so badly wanted to sleep, but she was on his eyelids again.

She started to talk to him, and peek around the stalks of green. He ran his hand through his hair. He wanted to rid himself of her, as much as he wanted to hold her close. He felt he had lost his mind.

"Severus," he heard his name and waved his hand to brush of the ghost of a whisper.

"Severus my lad." He heard. "The Headmaster is waiting."

His head jerked up to see Minerva in her dark green robes standing with her hand on her hips.

"Go away." He turned back to the lake. "I think it is too late."

"It is never too late my boy," she chided resting a hand on his shoulder. "Nor is it too late for me to apologize to a student I once had. A student I did not stand up for."

He turned and looked at her frowning.

"I should have disciplined Mr Lupin severely for breaking the rules," she said honestly. "I should have defended you more."

"Why didn't you?" The little boy needed to know.

"I felt you were the strong one." She looked surprised that he would sound so hurt after all these years. She had expected curiosity, but not this pain.

"I thought that since you knew me longer and better, your trust of me would have been stronger." She said sadly. "I am sorry Severus, for letting you down."

He stood up and nodded at her. Brushed of his robes and then formally bowed, offered her his elbow and hearing Lily's giggle behind him he started up to the castle.

"Headmaster," he said upon entering the office.

"Mr Snape." The Headmaster indicated he should sit with a wave of his hand.

"Master Snape." Severus raised his chin. "I have earned the title. I expect it to be used."

"Forgive me Master Snape, you are quiet correct." Albus again indicated the chair. "A rather heady accomplishment for one so young."

"My age does not override the necessity of proper regard." Severus sat stiffly in the chair indicated.

"Indeed Master Snape it does not." Albus saw Minerva's look, a look that would strike fear in a younger

Wizard. "You have my complete esteem in this matter. I am indeed honoured to call you a former student."

"Master Snape, before we begin I will ask you to take this." Albus handed Severus a vial of potion. "It is a simple mixture that I had made up for this occasion. It is quite harmless I assure you."

Severus took the vial not recognizing the colour, and opening the small rounded vial, passed it quickly under his nose. Raising one eyebrow, he looked at Albus strangely.

"Yes Master Snape, I thought perhaps you would recognize the smell." Albus sat and looked directly at Severus. "You see, I added an extra ward to my door this morning. If you had been again drunk it would not have allowed you to enter."

Severus stood up at once angered, and then feeling Minerva's tug on his arm sat back down.

"The potion is indeed part calming potion. However, not knowing fully if your shaking hands are a result of nerves or too much alcohol I have decided to take no chances." Albus nodded to the vial. "St Mungos has great use of that after administering a sober up potion or in cases such as your own."

"I have no need of this, this…" He searched for words.

"Abomination?" Albus supplied. "Then it will have no effect on you what so ever. Do drink up Master Snape. I have ordered tea delivered shortly. I hear that potion has a particularly bad taste."


	8. Chapter 8

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 8**

* * *

Severus looked at the vial he held in his hand seething with anger. Minerva's hand still rested on his arm and he felt its weight like an anchor holding him down. He looked up at Albus then turned to Minerva.

"This is foolishness." He started to refuse but stopped as he looked at her face.

"Severus," she said softly, "this is your only chance. You must do this."

"Fine," he spat at her and lifted the vial to pour down his throat. A flash of a girl in white taking her confirmation flashed to his mind. Wondering about the meaning of drinking the blood of her Christ, he stared at the now empty vial. Then looking up and locking eyes with his Headmaster he stood and began to pace.

"Ah, so the tea has arrived." Albus waved to a small coffee table across his office. "Minerva, please play mother."

As Albus and Minerva crossed to the tea service, he felt calmness come over him and lifted his hands to see they had stopped shaking. He quickly went to the window and squeezed his eyes shut to make sure he could still see her.

"Severus, are you quite alright?" Minerva had crossed over and was standing behind him concern evident on her face. "You have been standing here for several minutes. Did you not hear me call?"

"No, I did not." He glanced around then grabbed her hand. "Professor, Professor McGonagall, is she here? Is Molly Prewett here? I think it is Molly Weasley now."

"No, I did not think it wise for you to speak to her yet." Minerva frowned at him.

"I need to see her first." He looked at Albus, and then turned back to Minerva. "He said you spoke to her of me. I must see her. She must understand before I can do this."

"Albus?" Minerva looked at Albus not sure of what to do.

"You may floo her, if she agrees, ask her to step though." Albus scowled at Severus. "If you hurt her you will answer to me."

Severus stood with his legs apart and arms crossed as Minerva went down on her knees, put her head in the floo and called to Molly. In a few minutes, she stood and stepped back as Molly stepped into the office still holding a cleaning rag in her hand.

Severus moved at once. In only a few strides, he had her by the arms and pulled her to face him.

Raising his wand to her forehead, he hesitated seeing the sudden fear in her eyes. Albus was on his feet, wand pulled. Only Minerva watched quietly understanding what he intended to do.

"This will not hurt Miss Prewett," he whispered, pulling her soft body into his. "This will not hurt I can promise this."

He held her in one arm, while his other held the wand that he tapped to her forehead. He whispered a short incantation as Molly's mind flew into his. He softly guided her to a grassy field. It was just twilight, the sun not fully set, the sky not yet dark. She smelled salt water in the air, and felt the dampness of the ground. There was a fire in the middle of a circle of men. Severus pointed to where she should watch as her bothers apparated in.

Molly gasped, and stared to fall, when Severus held her and tenderly helped her down to the ground. He kept his arms around her as she watched the battle unfurl. She saw the flashes and heard the curses; she knew watching that is was hopeless. Her brothers had come with unseasoned fighters most had already fled, those that did not lie dead or huddled in fear on the ground.

He wanted to show her how deserted they had been, and how bravely they had fought. She watched and wept as a shield covered them and as she searched for the source, she felt Severus pulling her away. Slapping his hands away, he searched until she saw him. Standing in the middle of the open field Severus had cast the spell, and then turned to leave.

Severus pulled on her roughly and closed his mind to her, feeling her push him away even as they landed back on Albus's floor. Molly was on her feet in a rage. However, she turned her rage to Albus.

"You sent them out with children," she yelled at the Headmaster. "That was their support? Young wizards that did not know how to shield? That was the support you sent?"

"Miss Prewett." Severus stepped between the two. "I did not show you this to place blame, nor did I intend you to see the end. I let you see this only to give you some peace, some knowledge of them. I hope you do not speak of what you have seen."

To Albus's shock, and Minerva's delight the witch stood on her tiptoes, and grabbing hold of Severus's robes pulled him down for a kiss. First one cheek and the other, then she patted his face before letting him go.

"I have sorely misjudged you Mr. Snape." She looked up at him then turned to Albus and glared at him.

"We will talk Molly," Albus said looking Severus. "We will talk."

"Master Snape," Albus said after Molly had left, "you must be pleased with yourself."

"I found the revisiting of that memory disgusting," he said sitting down and putting his head in his hands.

"Gideon had once sat with me in a pub, did you know that?" Severus stood up to pace. "It was crowded, and the only empty chair was at my table, but he stayed and talked an hour. He was a good wizard, I thought he deserved better."

"What of the young Hogwarts girl, what did she deserve?" Albus started.

"Voldemort had brought her. I still do not know who managed to kidnap her from here. Your wards were ridiculously easy to break. I do hope you have corrected that minor problem." He said with a smirk.

"She was already bloody when I got there. Then Nott climbed on her." He closed his eyes to stop the memory but saw Lily shake her head at him in disgust. "I couldn't do it so Voldemort gave me a potion and I had to do it, I raped her. I can hear her screams sometimes. She sounds like the wind coming around the North Tower in January. Do you know that sound?" He looked up innocently until Albus nodded.

"She recognized me, and asked me to help." He felt his stomach sour, and bile raise in his throat. "I was raping her and she said please. Then someone yelled at me to hurry up, that he wanted a turn, and she looked up at me. Right in my eyes, she looked at me. She said please. I put my hands around her neck and kissed her as it broke. Her neck broke in my hands while I was still in her."

Minerva gasped and put her hand around her own neck, looking at Severus with tears in her eyes.

"It wasn't until later I realized I had killed her. I just thought to stop them from raping her again." Severus looked down and was surprised to see a tiny splash of water on his shoe. Reaching down he rubbed it away with his finger, then he looked up at Albus. "I need to go old man." Severus rose unsteadily to his feet. "I think I need to go."

"No, we have begun." Albus nodded to Minerva who stood and left the room. "Do you need more potions?"

Severus closed his eyes.

"Yes, please Headmaster she is still here." He said softer than a whisper. "She will not leave me alone. She looks at me and keeps laughing."

"Who will not leave you?" Albus leaned closer, seeing madness on his face.

"Narcissa, she holds her baby and the other one is there as well." Severus jumped up and looked wildly around. "I need her to go. I need to be left alone."

"Where is Hannah?" Severus demanded. "She did not come as often when Hannah was there."

Albus stood and reached into his pocket and took out a second bottle of calming potion, and placed it to Severus lips.

"Drink this then sit, and we will finish this." Albus said firmly.

"Can we finish later, I am having difficulties." Severus could not explain, he could not think. "I can't do this."

"No, it finishes now," Albus, said pointing again to the chair. "You will not be given a second chance."

"Are these the worse things you have done?" Albus asked his simple question.

"I gave away my soul old man. I did not sell it as you think." Severus looked into Albus eyes to see if he understood. "I gave it away willingly, completely, with no hesitation and have gained nothing in return."

"Do you know that Narcissa has lost four children?" He suddenly changed topics, so Albus thought. "She can not carry to term. Only one, only Draco lives. She managed to have one sickly child. Lucius's finds the fault in her, but I should tell him that the fault is his."

"How is this his fault?" Albus asked perplexed at the suddenness of the discussion going to Narcissa.

"He has no soul," Severus said as if the explanation was simple. "A child needs a soul, and gets one half from each parent. No wonder he doubts the child is his. I took half from a witch who had less than a whole, and then half from the drunk that beat her. Why would I hesitate to give away that soul?"

"A soul can be mended." Albus said quietly knowing that they had to finish what they had come here to do.

"Can I have children without a soul or must I be like Lucius?" Severus said with the look of questioning innocence again on his face. "Will my wife to turn to another?"

"Severus," the head master used his first name. "We need you to find your soul, and attempt to heal it. It will not be easy. I cannot trust you yet, for that, I am sorry. I cannot promise you much in exchange, what I can promise you, is that if you return here, to Hogwarts, and take and oath to me you will always have a home."

Severus sat there not believing he had heard correctly.

"You do not trust me, nor like me," he said blankly. "However you offer me redemption and a home?"

"Redemption is not something to be given, it must be earned," Albus said coldly. "I offer you the opportunity to earn it."

"I am going quite mad you know." Severus locked his eyes on Albus's eyes. "I can't live like this much longer. If it gets worse I fear for anyone around me."

"I believe that is what caused your Muggle friend to contact me in the first place." Albus said looking for a reaction.

"Hannah?" Severus jumped up running his hand through his hair. "Did I hurt her? Tell me I need to know. No, I think I would remember if I did. I have difficulty remembering."

"No Master Snape, you did not," Albus said. "However it is your concern for her and those that will be near to you in the castle that make me think you will cause no harm."

"Do not trust me too far old man," Severus said with a bitter laugh.

"I shall not." Albus pulled out his wand and sent his Patronus to collect Minerva. "We have an oath for you to take."

Severus nodded looking at the floor.

"Are you not curious as to the specifics?" Albus asked with a slight smirk.

"No, just get on with it." Severus sat.

Minerva walked in and raised her eyebrow. Seeing Albus nod she walked over and collected the wands from both wizards. Severus went down on one knee to take Albus's oath.

"You will oath to me a simple oath," Albus said and Minerva touched her wand to Albus's and then to Severus's. Albus fell to his knees next to Severus on the floor and grasped his right hand in both his own.

"Give me a complete Superus Fidelity." Albus demanded.

Severus's head snapped up at the oath. He looked into Albus eyes knowing that if he uttered this oath his will would be forever tied to his. He would be declaring Albus his superior in all things and declaring his loyalty to him forever. He looked up over Albus's shoulder to see Minerva looking down at him, her eyes filling with tears.

Looking at Albus, he then ground out the words that would ever seal his fate with this stern old man and trap him forever in a role he did not want.

* * *

Superus - superior

Fidelity -Loyalty

Superus Fidelity ..Loyalty to ones superior.


	9. Chapter 9

**Rated M **

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 9**

* * *

Severus stood in the middle of his new Hogwarts quarters looking around the sitting room. His noticed that his rooms here were lager than the entirety of Spinners End. His sitting area alone was spacious enough that the previous owner had divided it in half by placing a sofa in the middle of the room facing the floo. Behind the sofa was a desk and bookcases, while the sofa facing the fireplace joined a small coffee table and two matching chairs. He opened the only door visible and found a massive bedroom. A large four-poster bed sat in the middle of one wall, facing two large wardrobes that flanked a door.

Opening the door, he smiled seeing that he had his own tub again. A tub and shower was not an easy thing to come by in the Muggle world, unheard of at Spinners End. The shower was large and lined with smooth stone, unlike the plastic lined closet his father had installed in the old house. Magic was indeed a powerful thing. He almost laughed at Albus's assumption that the poor Muggles would only seek power in this world. He walked over just to flush the toilet, smiling when the pipes did not rumble and vibrate the floor. Maybe it would be good to be back at Hogwarts.

Returning to the bedroom, he sat on the edge of the bed and laid back in exhaustion. He had only been sleeping in two-hour increments. Between the softness of this bed, the quiet and the relief of knowing his talk with Albus was over, and the potion still running in his veins, he fell asleep in moments.

Lily waved at him, smiled, and took Alice by the hand. Then stopping and pointing to a hill in the distance, she left Alice and began walking away. Alice looked back to the babies laying on the field and looked to Narcissa, asleep with them. She turned her back and walked in the other direction.

Severus sat up quickly. The dream had again terrorized him for no reason, leaving him cold and again gasping for air and reaching for a wand, and he did not know why. Unaccustomed to his new surroundings it took him a full minute to get his bearings. He cursed himself and began to pace, a full minute of hesitation could mean his death. He felt closed in, trapped. He needed to get out.

He walked to the fireplace and searched for the floo powder. Finding none, he began opening the drawers in the small desk he had seen earlier, and then tried the cabinets in the bathrooms, he even searched the wardrobes in the bedroom searching in vain.

Cursing he walked into the hallway and warded his door before starting the long climb up to the main floor. As he was cursing at his situation Albus stepped around the corner in front of him.

"Headmaster." Severus gave a clipped greeting.

"Professor." Albus let the title roll of his tongue as if it was meant to sting. "I see you have plans for this evening."

"I need to go out," Severus replied not hearing the title thrown at him, only confused at the word evening.

"I am afraid that for the next week I can not allow that Professor." Albus frowned at him stressing the title. "Hogwarts must prepare of the new term and there is much to do."

"I am a prisoner then?"

"No, I do believe you need to join me for a quiet chat."

"Have we not just done that?" Severus looked at him coldly.

"It has been two days from our talk, Master Snape." Albus clasped his hands behind his back. "I have not seen you in that time. I would have assumed that you used your time wisely."

Severus did not let on that he had been unaware of the passage of time. He put his hand to his chin and feeling the stubble of his unshaven face hastily looked down at this rumpled clothing.

"You will join the rest of the staff in the Great Hall this evening for dinner," Albus said taking in Severus state. "You may use the rest of the time to freshen yourself."

"Rest of the staff?" Severus scowled at him. "What are you taking about Headmaster?"

"Surely you did not expect to walk out of here with your new resolve untested?" Dumbledore looked back at him evenly. "I will send a detailed list of your duties to your chambers. Once you have reviewed them you may sit with Minerva to ask your questions."

"You know I have never taught," Severus said quickly. "I have no experience with this."

"Yet, you are the youngest Master known," Headmaster said. "I would not think it easy for such a young man, with such a past as yours, to obtain employment in the field of potions, you should welcome this."

"I plan to open my own lab." Severus lifted his chin. "I have several new potions that will prove quite lucrative."

" I am relieved to see that Hogwarts will benefit greatly from its new potions Professor," Dumbledore said with a sly smile knowing that the institution of a Potions Master shared in the profit.

"I can't do this." Severus said near panic still trying to keep his feelings in check. "There are still students here that would remember me. Perhaps in a year or two…"

"Professor, I am not aware that I had asked you." Albus raised his voice. "I am in need of a Potions Master and you have pledged me your oath."

"Yes, Headmaster," Severus sneered getting his first taste of the oath.

"You may leave these halls from noon on Saturday to noon on Sunday." The Headmaster said firmly. For the rest of this week you will prepare your lesson plans for the upcoming term and inventory the supplies. You will request a meeting with Minerva to go over the rest of your duties."

"Yes, Headmaster," Severus replied concentrating on controlling himself as he felt anger boiling.

"You have not been seen in the Great Hall for meals." The headmaster turned to go. "From now on you shall be there on time."

Severus suddenly felt ravenous. He turned back to his chamber to ready for the evening meal thinking of pickles. As he began to disrobe, he heard the soft pop of an elf enter his bedchamber.

"I did not call you." He looked at the elf coldly.

"No Sirs Master Snape." The elf looked up at him blissfully.

"I remember you." Severus looked coldly at the elf. "You were assigned to my common room when I was a student here."

"Yes Master Snape," he squealed, jumping up on down.

"Why are you here? I am no longer a student." Severus folded his arms looking down at him.

"I is your's servant." The elf now started hopping from one foot to the other in delight. "My olds Missus Master, she sent me here."

"Explain," Severus scowled.

"You's mother the great Eileen Prince she was." The elf smiled and stopped hopping.

"My mother did not have an elf."

"When she was borns, I was given to her, bonded to her." The elf stood up proudly. "She was mine. Missus Prince, she was then. Her new mean master he said I am not good. So I hide in the cupboard until you come. You were mine when you come. You given to me."

"Yes?" Severus was still waiting.

"After a while, she says come here. Come here and waits for you." The elf was again smiling. "I don'ts wait no more."

"She gave you to the school?" Severus asked still confused.

"No Master Sirs, I belongs to you." She bowed grandly, no longer smiling.

"What is your name elf?" He asked thinking he might enjoy this.

"Millie," She squeaked sadly.

"Well Millie, I do have a small job for you." He looked down at the clothes he had lived in for at least the past four days. "I want these cleaned while I shower. It appears that I am rather short on personal effects at this time and must have these laundered daily."

Severus finished stripping down, tossing his clothes in a heap at the elf's feet. He smirked as Millie threw a claw up to cover her eyes as his boxers slid off. He walked into the bathroom and set the temperature on the water magically for future showers, and stepped into the smooth stone enclosure.

Two days, he kept thinking. He had slept for two days before his dreams had woken him. He felt lethargic and slow, as if Albus's potion was still in his veins. He remembered the taste of the potion and closed his eye concentrating of the ingredients he could identify and could find no fault in it. Finishing his shower, and wrapping himself in a towel and returned to the bedroom to ready for dinner.

He saw his clothes set out on the chair, neatly pressed and spotlessly clean. He sat on the edge of the bed, allowing the towel to slip away. Pulling the blankets up around his shoulders to ward of the sudden coldness he felt, he lay down and pulled the blankets to cover him completely, thinking only to get warm before dressing, only to fell asleep. He was still sleeping when Albus asked for him at in the Great Hall for evening meal.

The Headmaster floo-ed directly into Severus's chamber intent on reprimanding his newest staff member until Millie met him with her finger pursed to her lip.

"He sleeps Headmaster," Millie whispered.

"Your Master must raise and dress for dinner Millie." The headmaster stroked his beard looking down at the elf. "He has not eaten now for the fourth day."

"Yes Headmaster Sirs." Millie flattened her ears and looked up at him sadly. "He does not know Millie Sirs, he does not knows me."

"Strange." The Headmaster tugged on his beard and frowned down at the elf. "Not at all?"

"In his common rooms Sirs," Millie said hopefully.

Albus went into the bedroom and looked down on Severus. He called to the Professor, once again without his title, and then a third, softly calling him by his given name. Severus did not wake, nor make any movement that indicated his slumber was disturbed. Albus frowned and signalled Millie out of the room.

"Millie, do not worry about your Master." Albus smiled down at the claw twisting Millie. "I will send Madam Pomfrey to look in on him."

"Yes Headmaster Sirs." Millie hopped up and down again. "I wait with him."

"Very good," Albus said , as he turned to return to his dinner.

Albus walked into the Great Hall to join Minerva and Poppy for evening meal. Madam Pomfrey had just returned that morning to start putting in the year's supply of potions she would need to get though the term.

"Poppy," Albus sat down at his place and addressed the Medi-Witch. "When you are done with dinner perhaps you could have a look at our new Professor of Potions."

"Who might that be? I was unaware that you had filled the post." She looked at him with sudden interest.

"Master Severus Snape has honoured us with his knowledge." Albus smiled at he short witch.

"Severus? Albus," she stood up in shock. "How could you bring him in here? With all the children no less?"

"Madame Pomfrey, I have told the rest of the staff, as I am now telling you. I have complete faith in our newest Professor and will expect you to respect him in all things."

"You and your oath you mean," Minerva snipped at him.

"Oath?" Poppy echoed.

"Yes, oath Poppy," Minerva scowled at Albus.

"This old man has made Severus give him a …."

"Suffice to say an oath that shows the wizards complete loyalty to me and by extension to Hogwarts." The Headmaster continued to eat his dinner.

"To yourself and the Order is what you mean." Minerva pushed her plate back and stood up. "I have lost my appetite."

"You said I should take a look at him. What seems to be wrong?" Poppy stood up with Minerva.

"Professor Snape came to us two days ago." Albus said lightly. "I happened on him in the hallways earlier today. His appearance gave me every indication he had spent those two days, sleeping in his already dishevelled clothing."

"No doubt he was merely exhausted." Poppy sniffed waving her hand to dismiss the illness.

"Yes, so I thought as well." Albus frowned at the Medi-Witch. "However, just now I was unable to wake him. More disturbing was the fact his house elf says he has no knowledge of her before he came here as a First Year."

"Tell me Headmaster," She frowned. "What state was he in when he arrived?"

"You know what path he has taken, and what horrors he has taken part in." Albus peered over his spectacles. "For a Death Eater to seek forgiveness what state do you think he was in?"

"I would guess the same state we found him in each year when he returned to us as a student." Minerva turned to face Poppy.

"Madam Pomfrey, an adult wizard has returned to us this time, not a child." Albus said sternly.

"As I told you then and I tell you now," Poppy pushed her chair back into the table. "You mind the children and raise the wizard. You ignored his needs then and this is what you reap."

Albus sat and watched Poppy hurry out of the Great Hall on her way to the Dungeons. He took his glasses of and laid them on the table. Bringing his hand up to the bridge of his nose. He remembered Severus as a student. He remembered an unpopular boy always fighting with the others and he remembered a sharp mind and cutting wit. He remembered the underweight bruised boy that wore long sleeves and high collars to hide the scars left from his father's beating.

Albus thought there was nothing he could have done. No Wizarding laws prevented a father from raising a child as he saw fit. Albus had kept his distance and said nothing, hoping it would only harden the boy and teach him how to survive. Perhaps Poppy and Minerva had been right after all. Perhaps is he had intervened things would have been different.

He rose to follow Poppy and see what he could do.


	10. Chapter 10

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 10**

* * *

Poppy had been horrified to see Severus's condition. He was indeed exhausted. He was malnourished, and not just from four days of not eating. She guessed he had not eaten properly for a long time, perhaps in all the years since leaving school.

She could do nothing for his old scars. However, she knew the unseen scars cut the deepest. It would take time, she told Albus, time before the memories would fall in to place. Time before his mind allowed the terrors to revisit him and allow his memories back in without the original pain.

"It is not unusual Headmaster," Poppy explained. "Many children forget their whole childhood. Their small minds cannot accept or sort out the pain so they shut it out completely. Severus is an experienced and powerful wizard in Occlumency, I am sure that this is not merely coincidence."

"Occlumency?" Albus puzzled. "I am sure that his prowess only benefits him."

"He learned to build walls young." Poppy looked down at Severus's school chart she had dug out. "He was already building his walls back when he was a student. We just did not know how well he was hiding."

"That would explain why the Slytherin house seems better at controlling the mind than others," Albus said thoughtfully.

"Do not forget your own past Albus." Poppy flipped the pages of the file. "How long have you blocked out the accident that befell you little sister? You were an adult but you claim you still can not remember exactly what happened."

"Have you given him a potion?" Albus changed the topic quickly, wondering if his sister had done the same thing, only not as effectively as Severus had.

"Yes, he will wake in time for morning meal," Poppy said gathering her things to leave. "His memories will be painful, however if he allows them in he will heal."

"I have need of him, "Albus said. "He is the only link we have for when Tom returns."

"Hope he heals before then Albus," Poppy said already at the door. "If he does not it will not be only Tom's madness that you should fear."

Severus woke in the morning. He did not know how much time had passed. Looking at the clock and seeing the time at 5:16 he was not sure if it was day or night as the dungeons were as dark at noon as they were at midnight. He sat up grabbing his towel from where it had fallen and looked slowly around. His mouth felt fuzzy and rank. Running his hand over his face, he felt the stubble of at least a day's growth.

This is how he searched for time now; he had been counting his days by the times that he shaved, but found it no longer worked. He walked back to the bathroom to shave and brush his teeth again. He thought he had just done this.

"Sirs?" Mille peeked in the room hearing him stir.

"You." Severus stood and frowned down at the creature. "Get me a cup of tea."

"Yes Sirs." Millie popped off and had a pot of tea and toast waiting when he came out of the shower.

"Toast?" Severus scowled at the tray on the coffee table in front of the sofa. "Morning then."

"Yes Master Sirs." Millie looked at him confused.

"What day is it?" Severus ran a hand though his hair as he sat down.

"Friday Sirs," Millie answered in a small voice.

"No wonder I am hungry." He said turning to the elf. "Is this all you could get from the kitchen? Toast?"

"No Sirs. Headmaster said you is to eats in the Great Hall." Millie hung her ears.

"Fine," Severus spat.

Severus ate his toast and drank the tea. He looked over at the clock again and frowned. Jumping up he hurried into this bedchamber and grabbed the empty vials he knew he would find there, uncorking them and smelling to find what they had given him. He had only spent one night with out dreams in months. Hannah was not here, he must have had potions poured down his throat when he was unaware. The Headmaster, the interfering old fool had taken it on himself to do this.

He dressed in the clothes Millie had cleaned for him the previous day and headed out of his chamber to walk the hallways. He stepped out to the familiar stone floors and let his feet lead him on the walk he had taken hundreds of times before. He stood outside his own First Year potions classroom and could not resist opening the door and looking in. It was here he had fallen in love with potions. The room that gave him peace and the only measure of tranquillity he had ever found now mocked him.

He looked around remembering he had sat in the fourth seat, the third tier up. He had a new leather bound journal. It was black, and the corner held his initials. He would run his hand along the smooth leather and smell its musty scent and dream of belonging to this world far away from Spinners End. Lily had sat in the fifth row, second tier up. She turned and smiled at him and giggled. She had a new haircut, and wore new robes. Lily was from up the hill and eleven blocks over from Spinners End, away from its horrors and out of his reach.

Severus shut the door on his memories and hurried down the hall toward the main doors to walk the grounds. He did not walk toward the lake, and avoided Hagrid's hut. The lake belonged to the rich kids with friends, new robes and pure blood. Witches could ride on a pure blood arm, until they either ran back to the castle in tears or enticed a wizard to love them. Lily was no fool, she had grabbed hold of Potter and never let go. She had ridden the rickety cart clear up the hill and became part of this world never to feel the fall. She would never worry again about how close she had been to Spinners End.

Severus walked down to the pitch and around the stands. He enjoyed the silence and looked near the edge of the forest where the raspberries grew wild. Only dried husks and shrivelled leaves were there now, it was too late in the season, too late to taste the sharp sweetness. He looked up at the raising sun and returned to the castle feeling a calmness, and thinking for the first time that he may be able to do this.

He entered the Great Hall and found the table set for four. Only Poppy and Minerva would be joining the Headmaster in his inane conversations. Severus wanted only to eat.

He sat silently and did not bother to greet the others as they came in. When the plates of food arrived, he did not politely wait to take his portions last. He filled his plate and fell into the food with a hunger he had not felt for a long time. He thought of pickles and hard bread, as he ate eggs and toast, and reached for more bacon. When the smell of soup form a tin came to him he threw his fork down, and pushing his chair back hurried from the room.

He made it to his chamber in time to retch his breakfast back into the toilet. Sitting on the hard cold floor, wiping his face with a wet flannel pushed into his hand by Millie, he gasped for air and thought of Hannah and Spinners End. He thought of Narcissa and after cleaning his mouth and smoothing his hair went to the lab to brew.

He opened the cupboards and took out the familiar ingredients, lining them up in the order he added them to his caldron. He logged the potion in a large book kept on the first shelf to the left and immersed himself so completely he forgot the passage of time and the fact that Lily was on the inside of his eye lids again, and peeking over his shoulder.

For the next two weeks, he spent every waking hour in the lab brewing. He joined the others at meal times, taking small portions, and eating silently. Term was to begin in four days.

"Professor Snape?" Minerva stood at the labs door one day as term drew near.

"Yes, Professor McGonagall." Severus was pouring the last of the infirmary's potions in the vials. "I shall be done in just a moment if you would care to wait in my office."

Minerva turned to step back into the office. Severus was one mined when in his element and did not like to be disturbed. She would just wait for him, no matter how long it took.

"Professor," he said walking in the office an hour later and standing stiffly. "I assume Millie delivered my lesson plans."

"Yes, they are satisfactory." She nodded. "I have taken the liberty of depositing one half of the year's salary into you account. I have noticed that you did not seem to see fit to bring any of you personal effects with you."

Severus frowned at her. He had destroyed his belongings in an attempt to rid himself of his past, and in his mind to prepare for his death. He would feel foolish to admit such a thing in front of this witch, so said nothing. He missed his books, but the rest he had not thought of until now.

"The Headmaster has asked me to give you this." She handed him a scrape of parchment with apparation coordinates written down. "You have not been out of this place of almost three weeks. Perhaps you would like to visit a friend before the start of term."

Severus looked down at the scrape of parchment and knew this would take him to Hannah. He saw Hannah as he had told her he wanted to remember her, and almost smiled. When he brought his head up to look at Minerva, he saw she had gone. He did not know how long he had stood there trying to remember Hannah. He thought he would go to Diagon Alley and buy new robes and perhaps some Muggle clothes in case he had need. He looked again at the coordinates and hurried to get ready.

He ordered five sets of robes for class, and two sets of dress robes for the special occasions he knew would come. He picked up some relaxed slacks and two black silk shirts thinking that Narcissa would complain if she saw him dressed for work. He ordered extra shirts, nightclothes, a bathrobe, socks and boxers. He sat through fitting for a new pair of boots and an extra pair of shoes. He watched the clock and finally ordered everything sent to Hogwarts and billed his account for his purchases.

The Muggle store in Kensington would only be open for one more hour. He hurried in time to purchase what he needed with the money he had exchanged at Gringotts earlier that day, and changing in the loo hurried to an apparation point. He frowned as he spun on his heel to the coordinates he had seen.

Severus looked around when he landed behind a low stone wall. Looking to the west, he saw the green fields fall away to the blue grey of the sea. He turned to the north and looked down a sloping road the saw a small village laying open on the curve of the road. He started towards it not seeing any other buildings near. The first structure in the town was the local pub. Thinking he may be able to ask after Hannah, he entered the almost empty public house and stepped up to the bar. That is when he saw her carrying a tray to a table at the back.

He watched her set the plates of food around the table, and the way she smiled. She looked up to the clock on the wall and sighed as she turned to the kitchen. Severus could only stand and watch her. Now that he was here he did not know what to say, or how to approach her. Suddenly at a loss, he was about to turn and leave when a woman in black trousers and a menu in her hands walked up to him.

"We close the kitchen in half hour. Will you be having something light this evening?" She smiled and led him to a table.

"A pint and soup," he smirked. "You do have soup, do you not?"

"Today it's chicken, chicken soup," she smiled. "We also have stew left if you would prefer."

"No, soup is fine," he said, wondering if it came from a tin.

Hannah came out of the kitchen a few minutes later again with the large tray thrown up on her shoulder. She walked over to his table and put the bowl down then looking up to ask if he wanted anything else she froze.

"Miss Haywood," he said, looking into her eyes as if to make sure they were the same.

"Severus," she said at loss for words. "I did not expect to see you again."

"I had hoped we could talk." He felt uncomfortable and could only stare at her. "If you would prefer not, I will…"

"Don't be a horse's arse." She smiled at him. "I said I did not expect to see you, not that I didn't want to."

"Perhaps when you are off work?" Severus did not know if she would prefer he wait or collect her later.

"I only have that one table over there to clear," she said laughing at the relief that came over his face. "That and the table some bloke just sat at for a bowl of soup."

"Is there some place we can go?" He picked up his spoon, and began poking into the bowl.

"I took a room down the street, but I am not allowed callers," she blushed, and looked back to the table in the back. "Really, we can just walk. I have been wondering how you are."

"Ann," a surly voice called to her, "how about some attention over here?"

"That's me, I am not Hannah here." She reached out and placed her hand on his shoulder. "Fifteen minutes."

He watched as she hurried over to the table in the back not liking the way they had spoken to her. Then turning back to his thin soup he ate, determined not to lose his temper in the Muggle world. He would not allow his anger to come to the top and roll over, he would not.

He reached for the drink she had placed in front of him and scowling pushed it away. He would not drink tonight. He could not risk it, not with Hannah so close. He wanted to talk to her, to be with her. He did not plan to touch her; he did not trust himself even if it was only a pint.

"Ready?" Hannah said standing with her jumper over her arm looking down at him, more at ease seeing him push the drink away.

"Yes." He tossed money on the table to cover the bill, stood, taking her elbow and led her to the door.

He made it at least five steps from the door before he felt his arms reach for her and pull her to him. He let the air out of his lungs that he had been holding in since he had seen her with the tray.

"I am sorry Hannah," he said into her hair, "I keep doing this."

He smirked as he stepped away and lowered his arms. Taking up her elbow, they began walking back up the sloping road where he first appeared. Reaching the field, he stepped behind the stone fence and sat on the ground with his back to the wall. He pulled her hand, bringing her down to sit next to him.

"I think this may be more appropriate than sneaking into you room," he smirked.

"You seem better, but changed somehow." She crossed her legs and tucked her skirt down into the diamond of her legs.

"I am at a new position. I am still adjusting to the restraints on my time," he said looking at her. "I needed to see you, to apologize for my behaviour."

"No, you have nothing to apologize for." She knitted her brow together. "Are you still with the other one?"

Severus felt his chest constrict and thought of the Dark Lord, he quickly jumped to his feet and turned to glare at her. How dare she ask, how dare she think he had returned to his cause.

"Severus?" she said looking up innocently. "What is wrong?"

"I think I should take my leave," he tried to swallow his anger.

Hannah got up ignoring her skirt that rose up showing him her thighs and a glimpse of white lace.

"Now what have I said?" she said harshly, feeling tears coming. "I am sorry I called him. I thought he could help."

"Who?" He felt his head spinning, knowing he had said the wrong thing again.

"Your Headmaster. Who did you think I was talking of?" She stood in front of him unsure.

"Hannah," he said, "I misunderstood. I seem to do that a lot lately."

"Let's keep walking." She reached up and grabbed his arm, pulling him back on the road. Walking back, the way they had come she smiled up at him.

"Why did you come here?" Severus asked. "I thought you were working at the foundry. In the office you said."

"Yeah, I said that," she said as she reddened. "I didn't want you to know I served drinks to loud mouth lushes. I guess I wanted you to think I was better than I am. My father is dead. I told that old man that I was leaving to see him. I just felt like starting new and getting away from Spinners End."

"Your work is honest. There is no shame in it." He looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"You a Master in Chemistry," she said looking away. "I quit school at sixteen. We needed the money, and Jack had already left."

"You know the truth Hannah," he said, stopping and turning her to meet his eyes. "I am a Master. However I am a Master in Potions, not Muggle Chemistry."

"It's the same thing," she said, "you still have your Master's, and you still went to school."

"In my world one becomes an apprentice and works toward the degree. Then after passing an exam the degree is granted." He frowned at her. "You understand that I live in a different world."

"Let's not talk about that," she said quickly. "For tonight let's pretend you won't be leaving and that you can stay here."

"No," Severus said seriously. "I want you to understand completely. If you do not I must leave now."

"Then can we just not talk of it tonight?" She pleaded. "Can we just walk?"

"Yes." He took her arm up again. "We can just walk."


	11. Chapter 11

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 11**

* * *

"Yes." He took up her arm again. "We can just walk."

They walked back to the small village not speaking to one another. They stopped occasionally and looked in the shops windows and past the closed doors. When they came to the far end of town Severus, saw an Inn and taking Hannah by the arm led her in to get a room.

Hannah turned her head away as the desk clerk leered at her, reddening, as she knew he had seen her in the pub. By tomorrow, every one would know she had come here with a strange man, a lover. She looked up at Severus as he signed the registry and shook her head.

"Severus," she said as the clerk turned to take his key off a rack of hooks behind the counter. "This is embrassing, I know him. I have to leave, I can't do this."

Severus looked down at her then to the clerk. He saw the smirk on the Innkeepers face as the key dropped into his open hand. He had seen this look many times before when he took his whores up the stairs at the bars of Knockturn Alley, these same leers had followed him then, and they would not now.

He handed Hannah the key and nodded toward the hallway that lead to the rooms. He slipped his wand from his sleeve, looking after her with a smirk.

"Your virture will be kept," he said turning back toward the clerk. "Go on now, the clerk and I have things to talk about."

Hannah understood what he planed to do and hurried off in the direction of the rooms. Her hand was shaking as she turned the key and stepped into the small no frills room. She looked around hoping to find chairs to sit on, but found only the bed.

"Nervous?" Severus was standing leaning in the open doorway smirking at her.

"Severus, I can't do this." She turned from him and wrapping her arms around her waist stood looking out of the window.

"Why? What has changed?" Severus walked and stood so close she could feel the words on her hair.

"Severus, leave it please." She lowered her head and tried to step past him.

"No, Hannah, look at me." He pulled her to him. He reached for her chin as she pulled hard against his hand and bringing up both of hers pushed against him, knocking him back.

"You come here when you want a fuck," she said to him. "How do you think that makes me feel? Is this all you want?"

"Hannah, please. You don't understand. You don't know."

"I know what you want. I know what all your type want." She grabbed her jumper and purse off the bed and started for the door. "Nothing's changed. You are still the same as you were at Spinners End."

He ran and caught her, spun her around and crushed his mouth to hers. He felt her tense in his arms, felt her twist only to feel the pressure of her twisting on his erection. He groaned into her mouth as he pulled her closer. Then as quickly as he had grabbed her, he pushed her away as she continued to struggle against him.

"You are right," he said coldly. "I should have just used a whore. Physical release need not include involvements."

"Is that all I am to you?" she whispered.

"Unlike you I am incapable of thinking every need to runt a moment of future bliss," he sneered at her.

"Once, I …," she started to say, then covering her mouth with her hand ran for the door.

He grabbed her and spun her around, looking at her face and her tears.

"Finish," he said forgetting how to breathe.

"Once I thought someone cared," she almost chocked on her words.

"Then you must have been mistaken," he said coldly. "I see what you pick up and call a boyfriend, and then let him slap you around."

"I was not speaking of him," she reddened and looked away. "Just once, I thought someone cared."

Severus stepped back from her and opened the door. He stood there and watched as she walked out and returned to the lobby to leave. His stomach caught, he found it hard to breathe. He had heard the question in her voice; he knew what she wanted to hear but he could not say the words.

He remembered her as she walked down the hallway, as he saw her leave him, he remembered. She had sat next to him on the rickety cart and clutched his arm in fear. She hid her head on his chest and screamed as the cart reached the top of the loop and flung them upside down. He had taken the ride on the roller coaster as a passage to manhood and talked her into coming along. Her arms wrapped around him and she screamed his name. He remembered her on the train, and the lunch they shared. He remembered the stolen kiss and her smile.

He looked around the cold room and at the made up bed. Then apparating away he let the crack of his thunder fill the room.

Without thinking, he had gone to the Malfoy Manor. He strode up to the house angrily and glared at the elf that was waiting inside the entry door.

"The Master is the sitting room. He hears you come." The elf opened a door off the entry and bowed low stepping aside and Severus walked past him.

"My," Lucius looked up from his reading and set the book down on the end table as Severus walked in. "I was wondering what had become of you."

"I have started a new job." Severus walked over to the liquor cabinet and helped him to a glass of whiskey. "You are looking at Hogwarts newest Potions Professor."

"Albus's lackey?" Lucius sneered, "I am sure you could have done better."

"Not if I want to eat."

"Dressed like a Muggle?"

"I thought I would see what a Muggle whore had to offer," Severus laughed at the look of surprise on Lucius's face.

"Did you find they were easier?" Lucius watched him down his second drink and reach for a third.

"No, cheaper however," Severus said and looked in the again empty glass and saw brown eyes on the bottom. Filling the glass, he crossed to the seating area and sat facing Lucius.

"Tell me Lucius, where is my favourite witch?"

"She is quite fine my friend," Lucius said seriously. "I think she has accepted my apologies, however she still cries on occasion."

"Is it the loss of the child or because she knows she can not trust her husband?" Severus swirled the amber liquid in his glass and held it to the light.

"You are here as my guest Severus," Lucius stood walking to the door. "However, I do find the hour late. I am sorry you have to leave so soon."

"I will see Narcissa before I leave." Severus sipped his drink slowly. "I am sure you understand."

"Then I am afraid you will be sorely disappointed." Lucius said stonily. "She is spending some time at her sisters."

"What have you done to her?" Severus stood and slipped the wand down low enough for the base to rest in his palm.

"I have not touched her," Lucius smirked. "Not even in anger. She is mourning the loss of my bed."

"She has honoured her fidelity oath, you know that," Severus frowned at him. "Yet you treat her as a whore. I don't understand you Lucius."

"I am keeping the ranks together for his return. She questions my decision to do so. You know he is going to return." Lucius stood tall. "When he does she will be obedient to me."

Severus felt uneasy. Without thinking, he lifted his left arm and rubbed it with his right hand.

"You feel him too." Lucius smiled at Severus. "Can you feel his power?"

"Tell Narcissa to send me an owl." Severus started for the door tasting the familiar bile at the back of his throat.

"I will call you to the meetings Severus. I will soon be able to use the Marks." Lucius stood grinning, flinging his long hair over his shoulder with a twist of his head. "You will tell me what the old man plans."

"I will be teaching there, I will not be in his confidence." Severus scowled as he placed his hand on the doorknob.

"Then get there," Lucius spat. "If you want to see your Spinners End whore you will get in his confidence."

Severus did not turn, or make any outward sign that he had heard the threat. He held his breath until he was safely outside before allowing himself to take short gasps. Hannah, Lucius knew of Hannah as he had known of Lily. The threat was the same.

Striding out of the gates and returning to Hogwarts, he had only one place to go. He stood looking up at the tower seeing a flickering light still on in the Headmasters Office and knew his freedom was over. What little life he had left, he would now give away. He entered the castle started the longest walk he had yet to take.

"Headmaster," he said standing in the doorway watching Albus and Minerva going over reports.

"Professor, I did not expect you back until noon tomorrow." Albus looked at him questioning.

"I have need to talk to you alone Sir," Severus said looking a Minerva.

"I was just about to call it an evening," Minerva sighed. "We have already been at his for hours. I don't see how going over it one more time will change anything."

"Goodnight, Minerva. We can finish in the morning." Albus watched her leave before turning to Severus.

"It is late." Albus stated the obvious.

"I have come to bargain." Severus walked over and sat facing Albus.

"I am not aware that you have anything to bargain." Albus sat back, stroking his beard.

"You already have my loyalty old man. I am here to give you what is left of my soul." Severus said with no emotion.

"Your soul? I thought Tom had already taken that?" Albus looked over his spectacles.

"The Dark Lord's mark is being reactivated." Severus let his words hang in the air.

"Do go on." Albus watched the younger wizard carefully.

"I am willing to bring you information, at personal risk in exchange for a boon," Severus said with a blank face and no movement.

"What is this boon," Albus asked calmly.

"You will offer your protection," Severus hesitated. "No, you will give your protection and security to Hannah."

"She is a Muggle," Albus sounded surprised.

"Tell me old man. Is it all Muggles you shun or only the half-bloods?" Severus sneered at him.

"Who has threatened her?"

"Your Oath." Severus remained calm and unmoving.

"You demand an Oath of me?" Albus stood up as his magic crackled around him.

"Yes," Severus said standing to face the most powerful wizard he knew, perhaps the most powerful in this world.

"Why should I do this when I have you oath of loyalty?" Albus frowned.

"Your Oath can keep me close. However, it will also keep me from becoming your spy." Severus said smoothly. "I will need the oath modified to allow me access to the dark side, to allow me to do what I must do, to pretend my allegiance to the Dark Lord. I can get in where you need me to be and bring information back to you."

"You can do this with out an Oath." Albus looked at him uneasily.

"I will need on occasion to play my role well," Severus said with a sneer. "Surely you know what I must do to keep up the pretence. Your oath will not allow me to partake in certain deeds."

"Not two months ago this life almost drove you mad." Albus narrowed his eyes. "What makes you think you can do it this time?"

"I fear I will go mad if I do not." Severus sat down, leaned forward in the chair, letting his head drop down. "I lost every thing once. I will not do so again. Madness may be my only way out. Sometimes, I think I seek it. Sometimes, I welcome it."

"Very well, Severus," the Headmaster said using his first name. "I will call Minerva in to give the Oath. You will have to get word to Miss Haywood. I will Oath my protection to her as long as you are of value."

"Of value?" Severus scowled. "And if I am dead?"

"I would suggest that you take care of your self Professor." Albus leaned back comfortably in his chair, and then flicked his hand sending his Patronus for Minerva.

"She means this much to you?" Albus reached for his bowl of lemon drops.

"She did." Severus looked to the door wanting Minerva to hurry.

"She will need to know what to watch for." Albus opened his desk drawer and removed his wand. "She will need to know when she is in danger and how to contact us."

"You will need to use a messenger other then myself." He looked at the headmaster coldly. "This is part of the oath. You will protect her, and watch over her."

"What have you done to the poor girl now Severus?" Minerva said from the doorway scowling at him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 12**

* * *

"What have you done to the poor girl now Severus?" Minerva said from the doorway.

"I have done nothing to her." He turned trying to look down his nose at her.

"That look will not work with me young man, I taught you that look." Minerva crossed her arms, tilted her head back and gave him 'the stare'.

"You do know Minerva that the First Years have nightmares about you." Severus used her first name as he smirked at her. "They think you take on the appearance of Filch's cat just to wander the halls and seek them out."

"What makes you think I do not?"

"His cat is a male. You Madame, are not so endowed." He looked at her coldly.

"Well, Severus, I am glad to see that you are feeling much better." Minerva's lip twitched. "Now, tell me what you did to the girl."

"Minerva," Albus cut in. "you are here to witness an Oath, not to take notes on our Potion Professors love life."

"If I were to do that." She snipped looking a Severus. "I would not need much parchment."

Severus glared at her but held his tongue. He had learned long ago not to challenge her wit, or her memory.

Albus explained the Oath to her, and she once again had them kneel in front of her as she collected their wands and touched the tips together. She made it made known by her tone that she did not approve of this Oath any more than the first. As the two wizards stood, she hit Severus on the back of the head.

"What was that for?" He looked at her startled.

"For what ever you told her. Now, you left here to do some shopping, saw your witch and came back with information about Tom. All this you did in the span of six hours."

"And? What is your point?" He matched her stance with arms crossed and head tilted back.

"If you are back already you angered her. You made her mad enough to kick you out."

"She did not kick me out," he seethed.

"There you have it." She turned to Albus. "He did it again. He made her so mad she walked out on him."

"I am sure that is not true," Albus said looking at Minerva. "He would not be so concerned about her safety if she had left him."

"He is feeling his guilt, and you are taking advantage of him."

"Perhaps the two of you would prefer to finish this conversation outside of my presence since I am merely the object." Severus turned to the door and left the two to argue.

He walked back to the dungeons, feeling he had regained his footing with Minerva, which he had lost for the past several months, if not years. He knew he had disappointed her, he saw it in her eyes every time she looked at him. He entered his chambers determined to be ready for the start of term. He felt lighter with the knowledge that Albus protected Hannah. He could do this. He could align with Albus and end the madness of the Dark Lord.

He walked and picked up a bottle and decided it was time to build his walls, they would need to be stronger, and higher, and close off more of him then he had before. Looking at the bottle and scowling he set it back down and left it alone.

Minerva waited until morning, and then getting the coordinates verified from Albus once again, she set off to visit Hannah. She found her just as Severus had, waiting tables at the local pub for the breakfast trade. Minerva sat at a table against the wall and ordered only tea and toast. Watching the Muggle, she saw a girl unlike what she had expected.

Severus always took after tall thin witches and long sleek hair. This one had short shoulder length unruly curls that she wore pinned back at the temples in an effort to tame the wisps that would not stay contained. Minerva remembered Lily's graceful walk and the natural glow on her face. Here was a Muggle in trainers wearing too much make up for the tastes of the Wizard World who struggled under the weight of a serving tray.

Hannah brought a tray with Minerva's tea and toast and set it down quickly.

"Will that be all?" She smiled.

"I am sure it will be," Minerva said looking down at the saucer-less cup. "I have needed to speak to you."

"Me?" Hannah looked down to the table. "Have I got the wrong order?"

"No, the order is correct." Minerva narrowed her eyes at the girl. "I need to speak to you about Severus."

The tray slipped out of Hannah's hands and clattered to the floor. As she bent over to pick it up she aware that the rest of the diners had turned to look at her. Trying to remain calm she picked up the tray and dishes. She reddened and stood up under Minerva's scrutiny.

"Sure," she said looking around uncomfortably. "Is he all right? I mean, has anything happened?"

"No, no my dear." Minerva was quick to reply. "He is fine. However, this is a matter of importance."

"I can take a break in about twenty minutes," Hannah shrugged. "Listen, I have to get back to my tables now."

"I will wait." Minerva sat up straight and looked down at the teacup again in distaste.

Hannah continued to look over at the woman sitting alone waiting to talk to her. She looked stern and unpleased to be here. By the time her break time came, Hannah she was shaking. What ever had happened to Severus she knew it would not be good. She chewed the inside of her cheek until it was sore, and finally building up her courage she walked over and sat across form the stern woman dressed in plaid.

Minerva stole glances around the pub then took out her wand and quickly cast a silencing spell.

"So, we can talk freely without being heard." Minerva tucked her wand back up her sleeve.

"What is this about?" Hannah watched the wand disappear into Minerva's robes, and shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"Severus has asked us to pass our protection on to you," Minerva said stiffly. "He insisted on it."

"Why would I need your protection?"

"That you would not understand. If you wear this we will be aware of any danger you are in."

Hannah picked up the thin chain holding a crystal that Minerva had put on the table and had pushed toward her. Hannah placed it back down, and slide it back to Minerva.

"You don't like me very much do you?" Hannah said looking into Minerva's eyes.

"I do not like the danger you have put Severus in," Minerva answered truthfully. "He is concerned that those who wish him ill will use you to hurt him."

"Then tell them that, Severus will not be hurt by my loss," Hannah said standing. "He has made his feeling for me well known."

"My child, I can assure you that you are incorrect." Minerva looked up at her with a wistful smile.

"What did he tell you of me?"

"Nothing, just that we must protect you," Minerva said.

"We grew up together, at Spinners End." Hannah explained. "He doesn't even remember me form then. He is not the same. Not just that he has grown up, but different. He is cold, and hard, but he has no memory of things that I would think he would."

"There is much he does not remember," Minerva said in a softer voice.

"I have to get back to work," Hannah said turning to leave. "I don't know what this is about, but tell him to shove his presents up his arse. Maybe he will remember this the next time he goes sniffing around looking for someone to runt with."

Minerva sat in shock. She was not one to treat rudely, or in such strong language. She smirked seeing why Severus would find a challenge in this Muggle, and thought she might be good for him. He would have to convince this Muggle himself. She smiled as she left to tell Albus of the sharp-tongued Muggle that had fallen to them to protect.

Hannah finished her day by 3:00 pm. She was tired and could not stop thinking about Severus. He had sent this woman to put her under protection. Protection, indeed, she took care of herself. She did not know what it meant to wear this charm, but she was sure whatever it was did not bode well. A wizard, he said he was. No doubt simple magic tricks, or another lie to bed her. She was fuming by the time she was off work and did not notice him as she left by the pub's back door.

"Miss Haywood." His voice cut into her, spinning her around to face him as if it was a physical force.

"What are you doing here?" She looked at him for only a moment then hurried down the alleyway toward the road.

"Miss Haywood." He caught up to her easily, grabbing her and pushing her into the wall.

"Stop," she said twisting to get away. "Stop this or I'll scream."

"It will do you no good," Severus took her arms and pinned them above her head using his body to hold her to the wall. "I have used a silencing spell in ensure we are left alone."

"Why do you do this?" she continued to struggle against him.

"The first night, the first night I told you of what I was, what I had done," he spoke evenly, "I told you of the Dark Lord."

"Let me go, I don't want to hear this." Hannah was finding it difficult to breathe.

"No," he said pushing her harder to the wall. "You must hear me."

Hannah stilled and looked up at him, her eyes glancing to the end of the alleyway. She began chewing the inside of her cheek.

"I will let you go," he said calmly. "Do not run. Hannah, please, just listen to me."

"Why should I?" She spat out angrily. "You come around after months and just want to…"

He silenced her with his kiss. Eating her words, and covering them with his mouth. This time gently, softly, slowing his tongue and not pushing his arousal into her.

"Because," he whispered into her throat as she closed her eyes moaning at his ministrations, "Because I remember you."

His arms slide around her, one hand slid down to the small or her back, than lower, pulling her into him. His other arm kept her upper body against him.

"I remember the first time I kissed you, the first time I held you." Severus felt his hunger growing. "I didn't remember you at first. Now I can't get you out of my mind."

"Severus," was all she said as her arms went around his neck and pulled him down.

"I do care for you Hannah. I can't give you more than that." His hand slipped under her blouse and stroked the skin of her back. "I can't give you promises or a future with me. I can only say I don't want to hurt you, but I can't even promise that, I can only say I will try."

She nodded into his neck as he held her wrapped in his arms and she could not smell Spinners End.

"Hannah," he said pulling away from her and looking around to catch his bearings again. "We need to talk."

She nodded and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Severus, did you get a room?" She asked shyly looking down.

"Yes," Severus said as his heart began to pound wildly. "Will you go there with me?"

"Yes," she said placing her hand on his chest. "I would like that."

He took her there by the back streets, knowing she would not want any one to see her. He lead her through the small lobby and down the hall, thinking about what she was about to offer him. By the time they reached his room and opened the door his erection was straining for freedom. He cast silencing spells and warded the doors, looking at her scowl as he used his wand.

"Hannah, this is just to ensure your privacy." He grinned sitting on the side of the bed to pull off his boots and socks.

"This seems so, I don't know, dirty some how." She looked around the small room blushing.

"No," he said hurrying over to her. "Don't think that. This is the only good thing I have in my life. Don't make me sorry about this."

"Then shut up and fuck me." She tried to smile up at him. "I have waited for you for so long. You know I had a crush on you? When I was thirteen, I thought you were the greatest thing in the world."

"What happened then?" He smirked at her. He looked at her and remembered how she sat under the lamppost with a book, never turning the pages, casting looks at him as she sat on the steps in front of her house.

"You asked me to go the park, and we rode the Roller Coaster," she said smiling. "Do you remember the Roller Coaster?"

"No, I do not," he lied easily and stroked her cheek.

"Oh, I thought you did," she said confused. "That is where you kissed me the first time, under the Roller Coaster."

"I remember only the kiss," he said brushing her lips with his. "You didn't taste of Spinners End then either."

He brought her the two steps back to the bed and began to unbutton her blouse, he eased it over her shoulders, and kneeling down in front of her slipped off her bra. His head fell to her breasts as her hands found his hair, pulling him closer, and pushing into him, bringing him closer.

With one hand behind her and the other undoing his own buttons, he moaned into her softness, wanting to hurry. He stood and shrugged off his shirt and undid his belt and sliding his trousers down with his boxers as he looked down at her.

Going down on his knees again, but keeping his eyes on hers, he pulled off her shoes and tossed them to the side. Things were still moving to slow for him. He lifted his hand and called "Accio Wand," then rid her of the rest of the clothes smiling at her gasp of surprise.

"I love magic," he said softly looking at her body, pulling her hands away as she tried to cover her self.

"Why do you do this?"

"I don't know, you make me feel new to this," she said shyly, "as if it is our first time all over again."

"I want you to feel comfortable, and ready for me," he said.

She sat on the edge of the bed and he, still on his knees spread her legs and moved between them. He reached around her waist and pulled her off the bed down onto to his erection. Her head went back and she gasped at the suddenness of it.

"My God Severus," she said falling forward and clinging to his shoulder.

"Now," he said into her neck, and beginning to chuckle. "I have you where I want you but I can't move."

"Oh?" she said tying not to laugh at their position. She had her legs around his waist, her weight pinning his legs to the floor.

He lifted her up, slipping out of her, as he helped her get up on her feet. Standing in front of her, he pushed her down on the bed and then followed her. He lay on top of her, resting his weight on his arms.

"Severus," she looked at him, and ran her hands up to each side of his face.

He put his right hand under her knee and brought it up, crossing her leg over to the opposite side and pushing it up. He positioned himself behind her uplifted leg and pushed into her, making it impossible for her to push up to meet his thrusts.

"Severus, no," she gasped at the feeling of being completely controlled.

He took her hand, each in one of his, and held them over her head, pinned to the headboard as he pounded into her.

"This time you will not pretend," he said watching her face. "Do you think I don't know what you did last time?"

"Severus," she panted watching his face.

"I know when you are faking an orgasm," he smirked at her. "This time you will feel it."

"Severus, no," she tried to struggle away, then stilled and clenched her internal muscles to bring him to completion.

"Oh, gods woman," he dropped his head as his thrusts came quicker. He clamped his jaw shut and tried to hold off as he felt himself slipping out of control. Still he felt her rhythmic clenching, heard her gasp of pretend pleasure, and heard her call his name, knowing that she was doing this to please him.

He threw his head back and released her hands as his rose up on his knees, grabbing her waist and pulling her into him. With two more deep thrusts he released into her, as he climaxed he looked down at her. He saw her smile of satisfaction.

Releasing her from her position he grabbed his wand and cleaned them both, with a smirk he lowered his head to her breasts and began kissing, and sucking her nipples. Moving lower, he felt her hands in his hair pulling him up, away from his intended course. Quickly putting her hands away and shaking his head, he kept lowering until his mouth was at her clit, his tongue licking her and his mouth sucked at her gently. Releasing her hands he slid two fingers into her and pressed up, finding the spot that would send her over.

"Please, stop Severus. Please," she pleaded, twisting under him.

He lifted his head to look into her eyes that were watching him in panic. He gently shook his head and went back to her core. He continued on, until her heard her gasp and felt her push up into his face, wanting more, her hands in his hair no longer pushing him away, but holding him in place. He moved a third finger in her, as his other arm went under her arse and found the puckered hole, pushing inside and holding her still.

He felt her explode under him, he slipped his finger out of her and stroked up to her breasts as his other hand continued to pulse into her and his mouth to suck. When she finally stilled he removed his fingers, and stoked her hips, his tongue licked her clit dry, and he began kissing his way back up.

When he reached her face, she was still panting. She still had her eyes closed and her face was wet with the perspiration. He kissed her cheeks, tasted salt, and pushed his tongue into her mouth, sharing their taste with her.

"Don't ever fake with me again," he looked at her darkly. "Have your other lovers been so blind they did not see, or did they not care?"

Hannah turned her head away from him not wanting to look into his eyes. He saw the glistening of tears and turned her chin to him.

"Talk to me,' he said laying his forehead on hers. "Do you really think after what just happened that you have any reason to be shy?"

"I never…" she started.

"You never felt that before?" He looked at her knowing she was ashamed of this. "Hannah?"

"He told me I was frigid," she closed her eyes under his gaze. "He said, he said I was useless."

"Well, I think you see that is not true." He leaned down grinning and kissed her softly. Then taking her hand put it on is already hardening member. "Let's try again. I think you should practice."


	13. Chapter 13

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 13**

* * *

Severus had to leave in the morning. He woke before the sun was fully up. He looked over at Hannah, naked under the blankets next to him. She was wearing his amulet around her neck and had promised she would use it if the need arose. He leaned over and kissed the back of her neck delighting to see her stretch and feel her push back into him with out opening her eyes. Hannah was the only one to stay in his bed all night, not dressing and leaving as soon as she was able, he did not want this time to end.

He lay behind her, pulling her back to his chest and lifting her top leg over his as he slipped into her from behind. She arched back and shuddered, groaning for him to continue. This time she came hard and quick, he felt and explosion of spasms as she shuddered in his arms and gasped his name. He caught her quickly and released into her as she was coming down. Staying inside her, he pulled her close and kissed her neck.

"I told you practice makes perfect," he said with a smirk. "Just don't go practicing while I am gone."

"Mmmm," she moaned pushing back to stay near him. "I think I like practicing."

"Hannah," he said rolling her over onto her back and looking into her face. "I mean it. If this is to continue, I don't want you with anyone else."

She opened her eyes and looked at him. Frowning and reaching to smooth his hair, and push stray stands back behind his ears.

"What about you?" she questioned sadly. "When you return to your Dark Lord what happens to you?"

"Hannah, don't do this," He turned away and slid out of out of bed. "I told you I can not talk of that."

"You don't have to Severus," she said getting up and reaching for her clothes. "I don't expect anything different this time."

He watched her as she turned her back on him and started to dress. He wanted to reach to her, and tell her she was wrong, that he would be faithful to her. He wanted to claim her and take her back to Hogwarts, and have her any time he wanted. He wanted her to be safe, and content with him. He kept his silence and dressed.

"I will come back when I can. Term starts tomorrow." He ran his hand though his hair. "The students come tonight for the sorting."

"Sorting?" She still did not look at him.

"Hannah, I will be back" He spoke to her back.

"You said you couldn't promise me anything," she said stiffly. "Don't say this if you don't mean it."

"Hannah." He pulled her around and forced her to face him. "I will try. I will not make a promise I cannot keep. I will be back when I can."

"I have to go Severus," she said. "I need to shower and change. I work the early shift again."

"I want to show you my world." Severus walked her to the door. "I will try to send you an owl before I come next time."

"Can I send an owl to you?" She looked up at him. "I can't even reach you. I don't know where you are."

"No Hannah, owls can be traced," he said frowning. "I can spell a non traceable, but you would not be able to do so."

She nodded and reached up to kiss him on the cheek, then glancing down the hall she hurried though the lobby hoping to get outside unnoticed.

She hurried to her room at the boarding house to ready for the day. She tried to believe what he had told her, but she could not. She had seen the look on his face when she had asked him if he planned on having only her, she knew better to think that he would. He would come and go as he pleased, and she would go with him each time. Hannah had long ago given up fairy tale dreams and happy ever after for a few stolen moments in a dingy hotel room, and if that is what she had to do to be with him, she knew she would and cursed herself for the knowledge.

Severus returned to Hogwarts to prepare for the evening and the rest of term. He knew many of the students would remember him. The Sixth and Seventh Years would have been here when he was a student. They would remember the taunting and ridicule he received; they would remember Lily, and her rejection of him.

He was standing in front of the mirror examining his reflection when the floo activated and Albus stepped out.

"Professor Snape, I see you are ready for the sorting," Albus said.

"Headmaster," Severus replied, turning to greet the Headmaster. "I still think this is a mistake."

"Mine or yours?" Albus asked looking at him sternly.

"My mistake for being here and yours for demanding it." Severus spat. "Don't worry old man. You have your Potions Master."

"I take it you spoke to your Muggle," Albus said.

"She has a name," Severus hissed at him.

"She has agreed to wear the amulet?" Albus ignored the barb.

"Yes," Severus said looking at him. "Who will respond to her?"

"You know you can not be her protector." Albus answered him sternly. "If you show up and Malfoy or one of his henchmen is there it would be unsafe for your cover."

"I asked you who." Severus glared at him.

"I have made two receptors." Albus explained. "Kingsley Shacklebolt will hold one and Alastor Moody the other."

"Both know who she is?" Severus asked searching Albus's face.

"That she is yours?" Albus smiled. "No, I did not share that with them. I did not want to compromise their loyalty."

Severus nodded to Albus, silently agreeing to his assessment of the situation.

"Now, I believe we have a sorting to attend." Albus stepped back into the floo. "The First Years are already in the boats and the carriages are arriving. I would suggest you finish primping and hurry."

Severus took one last look in the mirror to make sure he looked as much like the Professor he needed to be and left to take the long walk to the Great Hall.

He wore his hair lose for the occasion, wanting to hide his face and appear older. A high collar button up waistcoat obscured his white shirt, over which her wore richly cut robes of pure black and black satin trim at the cuffs and hem. His trousers were cut tight above the knees and the slightly loser to allow his boots to be worn underneath. His heels announced his arrival as surly as the extra cut of fabric allowed his robes to billow on his departure. He looked stern and foreboding. He had hoped for the look.

The Second through Seventh Years already sat in the Great Hall. Instead of entering from behind the staff table Severus decided to enter off the hallway and walk the long aisle up to the main table. He intended to make the statement that he belonged here. He opened the double doors taken aback by the sound of Lily's laugher, closing his eyes for just a moment he saw her on the inside of his lids. He fought to stay in the present and opened his eyes in relief that he was still where he remembered.

His step only faulted slightly as he regained his composure and walked firmly to the head table. The older students turned and watched, and then realizing whom it was became quiet and still. Their reaction filtered down to the younger students, who not knowing who this intimidating Professor was, watched him fearfully. Severus slowly made his way to his place, and with a flourish of his robes took his seat.

He sat stiffly and watched the sorting ceremony. He felt the eyes of the older students on him. He could hear whispers from the Slytherin table and knew they were pointing and laughing at him. In their eyes he was now the blood traitor, he was one of Dumbledore's men, he was that student that had hung upside down, and that Lily had rejected. He felt the back of his neck prickle as sweat ran down his spine.

He determined not to be that child that had sat in this hall only a few short years before. He slowly turned his head and sneered down the row of Slytherins. He quirked an eye, quickly finding the leader of the house by the way the rest of the table leaned into him, trying to catch his ear. The tall dark haired boy sat back smugly, arms crossed, staring at the Professor only four years his senior. Severus stared back, keeping his sneer in place until the other backed down, and looked away. He would not be intimidated.

After dinner, he hurried to his rooms not wanting Minerva to catch him in a conversation. He needed a drink. He looked at the glass of whiskey he had poured and tipped it to his lips. He began pacing, he need to move, to get out of these dungeons. He wanted to be with friends and feel accepted. He grabbed his cloak and headed out of the castle.

Severus arrived at the Malfoy Manor and hurried to the door all ready held open by Narcissa's elf. Tossing his cloak across its waiting arms, he strode into the sitting room.

Narcissa was sitting near the fireplace with a piece of needlework in her hands and a puzzled look on her face.

"Severus!" She looked up at him a laughed. "Help me out here would you?"

She held up tangled threads and cloth grinning at him.

"I thought I would try this, it looked so simple in the store," she said blushing. "Now I am afraid I have sewn myself to a pillow case."

Severus rolled his eyes as he pulled his wand and turned the whole mess to a pile of ash.

"Narcissa I would suggest that if you need pillow cases so badly, "he smirked at her, "dress the elves in towels instead."

"Sit, talk to me." She smiled at him. "I get lonely in this place all by myself."

"Where is Lucius?" He asked frowning.

"He is away on business," she said still smiling at him.

"Business?" Severus raised his eyebrow and smirked. "Since when does Lucius work?"

"Severus, please. He has been gone three days this time. I don't know what I do wrong."

"Where is he Narcissa?" Severus pushed.

"I don't know," she said coming to her feet and throwing her arms around his neck. "He is gone so much, I think he is with Bella."

Severus held Narcissa as she cried softly into his shoulder. When her sobs slowed, he pulled back a little to look into her face.

"Well, well." Lucius's smooth voice came from the doorway. "I see my dear wife has found her own diversion."

Narcissa jumped back from Severus as if scalded. She turned to Lucius turning red and started to walk towards him. She froze as his wand came up from the folds of his robes and pointed at her.

"Lucius!" Severus glowered. "I suggest you lower that wand."

"She is my wife," Lucius spat. "Is this how you thank an old friend Severus?"

"Lucius, you are drunk." Severus stated the obvious as he slowly walked forward, pulling Narcissa behind himself.

"Oh my, this is touching." Lucius sneered. "Protecting my wife with you body."

"Lucius." Severus held his wand loosely in his hand his face a cold mask. "I have waited too long for this. Give me a reason and I will do this."

"You would not dare. That is the difference between the two of us. You need a reason." Lucius sneered throwing his long silver hair back over his shoulder with a toss of this head. "Why don't you just take her? I have all the trim I need."

"Cissy," Severus called her by her pet name. "Go you your room. I need to talk to your husband."

She quickly ran to the door and shot at look at Lucius as she hurried away.

"Now, put your wand away Lucius," Severus took a chance and lowered his. "She is not here to impress any longer."

Lucius threw his head back and laughed lowering his wand and placing it in his pocket.

"How did you know I was bluffing?" Lucius asked with a grin.

"You smell of Bella," Severus sneered at him. "She knows you go to her sister."

"Good, maybe she will stop with her insistent questions." Lucius sat down heavily in one of the chairs he stretched out his long legs and crossed them at the ankles. "Why are you here old friend?"

"I needed to get out from under the old man's stare," Severus said honestly. "I am going crazy living in that place."

"Yes, I imagine you are looking for some excitement," Lucius said smiling calmly. "I may be able to find some, how would I term this, some work for you?"

Severus leaned forward in his chair, his back growing cold and his ears hearing the familiar rush of blood. He knew then what Lucius was up to, why he was seeing Bella and it was not for sex.

"What would that be Lucius? You know I am rather busy as of late, however I may have some free time."

"You will have to prove yourself Severus," Lucius raised his eyebrow. "There are many that find your youth a determent."

"Determent?" Severus laughed coldly. "It was not a determent that they saw before."

"That is true, but times are different. We no longer need to get close to the Potters."

Severus stood and walked over to the liquor cabinet to hide his face in case he was unable to hide his emotions.

"Who are you after this time Lucius?" Severus sneered. "Since the Dark Lord is no longer here to offer up his strategies I would assume that the ranks are now free to settle all the old scores."

"Yes," Lucius smiled. "I think we have many to settle. However, first we need to gain some friends in high places."

"The Ministry Lucius?" Severus swirled his glass around looking at the amber liquid.

"Yes, we have the money to buy a few favours."

"Favours?" Severus turned to look down on Lucius. "I was not aware that our Lord accepted favours without full commitments."

"Ah, you see my friend." Lucius crossed his arms behind his head. "If we obtain enough favours Bagnold will be in to deep she will not be able to deny us anything."

"I do not think Millicent Bagnold would be enough to swing the entire Ministry our way." Severus said thoughtfully.

"There are others, other entire families that I have been watching." Lucius narrowed his eyes. "Some of the names can be found in your classes."

"I imagine you are talking of the Umbridge's and the Sorenson's," Severus said levelly. He gave names already identified by Albus as supporters.

"Amongst others yes." Lucius smiled. "So, may I count on you to re-assimilate?"

"I was not aware I had left." Severus raised his glass and drained it. "I will need new robes. Mine have met with an unfortunate accident."

"I will send you a set as soon as I can have them charmed properly," Lucius said as he stood, seeing Severus walking toward the door.

"I will send more calming potion for Narcissa," Severus looked at Lucius. "She is not well. She has a haunted look and obviously is not eating."

"I know," Lucius ran his hand though his hair in an uncharacteristic show of frustration. "I do love her you know."

Severus looked at him, and turned walking through the entry hall and back to the apparation point.


	14. Chapter 14

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 14**

* * *

The next morning Severus woke and readied for his first lesson. He dressed carefully knowing that the first day would set the tone for the rest of the year. He stood in front of the mirror and stared at his reflection. There was no way to hide the fact of his age. He closed his eyes and thought of Lily, and what could have been if he was a different person. Her face looked back at him and then dissolved into the brown-eyed girl he had left alone wearing an amulet of protection.

He turned and walked to his classroom wondering if he would ever have anything, or anyone he could call his own. He envied Lucius, who took every thing he had so casually, and was so willing to throw it all away.

As he entered the classroom from the hallway, slamming open the door and stalking down to his desk, in a flourish of robes, he sneered down at the students, all Sixth and Seventh Years. Waving at the black board, he flicked his wand as the days assignment appeared.

"I trust you know what to do." He crossed his arms and looked down his nose at them. "If you have questions on this simple potion I would suggest you remove yourself from this classroom."

One hand shot up from the back of the room.

"Yes," he drawled out slowly.

"Professor Snape?" The voice sounded unsure how to proceed. "May we leave when the potion is done or must we be here the full two hours?"

"Since the brewing time on this potion is one hour and 28 minutes I fail to see how you can complete it in less then two hours," he smirked. "Obviously you are incapable of reading simple directions or you would have already surmised that. 100 points from Gryffindor of blatant stupidity."

A collective gasp went up through the room. 100 points been taken for a classroom infraction? The normal amount of an infraction was 10 points, 20 for missed homework and the most at 50 points for talking back or being impolite to a teacher. At 100 points, Gryffindor fell to last place and compromised their bid for the year's cup.

"Your supplies have been set out, you may begin," he intoned in a bored voice. "I do not tolerate talk in my presence. Potions are a subject that demands concentration not conversation."

He walked up and down between the rows of cauldrons and worktables watching the students as they prepared their ingredients. He raised his wand and started at the first table with a loud "Enventerate" spell until each table was empty.

"Tomorrow you will bring your First Years Text," he sneered. "It is obvious that no one at this advance potions level knows the difference between the different chopping and cutting methods. You will learn them correctly."

"Sir," a voice came out of the middle of the room. "If we go back that far, we will not be ready for our N.E.W.T exams."

"Another 100 points from Gryffindor for questioning me," he snarled. "You may spend the rest of the time reading page 103 through 134. Begin."

Severus walked between the tables and peered over the shoulders of the students. He could feel their eyes on his back and thought he could hear a snickering as he passed the areas the Slytherins sat in. He returned to his desk and watched them, scowling. He thought of Albus's forced sentence to make him teach this class. He felt his control over his life slipping away and wanted to run from the room. He thought of Hannah and sat still determined to save her, to save at least this one.

At last, the two hours were up and the released the class, hurrying back to his rooms he reached for the whiskey and uncapping it poured some down his throat. He closed his eyes as the burn soothed his stomach and eased his mind.

"I do not think that drinking between classes a good idea." Albus' voice came to him.

Turning around he found the Headmaster sitting in an armchair in front of his fireplace.

"I thought these were my private chambers," Severus snarled.

"When I can trust you more perhaps they will be." Albus said flatly. "How was your first lesson?"

"They remembered me." Severus sat down watching the older wizard. "I don't know if they purposely prepared their ingredients wrong to test me or if they are truly as stupid as they appeared."

"I would suspect the first assessment to be true" Albus nodded his agreement. "They did pass their O.W.L. exam to gain entrance into your advanced lessons. You will need to be firm with them."

"You are talking to a Death Eater," he smirked. "Do you not think I am firm?"

"There is a difference between cruel and firm," Albus said softly. "You need to find a balance between the two."

"Is this what you came to talk to me about?" Severus raised an eyebrow at him. "I would just as soon not do this, so if you want to remove me from the classrooms do not hesitate."

"I have come to talk to you about your meeting with Lucius last night." Albus said peering over his spectacles. "That is where you went is it not?"

"I went to visit Narcissa, he happened to come home while I was there."

Albus and Severus discussed the information he had gathered until lunchtime was upon them. Looking up at the clock Albus stood and looked down at Severus with a frown.

"Next time you visit the Malfoys you will tell me you are going." Albus held up his hand seeing Severus ready to protest. "You will also come and see me immediately upon your return."

"Yes Headmaster." Severus said. "I see I am to check in as a schoolboy."

Albus glared at him, turned in a swirl of satin, and left by the door. Severus lifted his glass in a mock salute and then headed down to the Great Hall for Lunch. He thought that pickles and hard bread might be a better fare today.

He finished his lessons and returned to his rooms with an arm full of parchments to grade, he knew the next day would be worse. He has assigned the First and Third Years essays, which he threw down on his dresser and lay down on the bed. He knew he could sleep now, he was tired and his eyes burned. The dreams would wake him, and then he could pass the night grading the papers. Now, he needed to sleep.

His dreams did not come for five full hours, and then they propelled him out of his bed and forced him to light every candle in his quarters. These were the dreams he dreaded the most. Dreams of the mark floating the sky overhead and the screams of Muggles as their blood ran from their bodies, or from between her legs. He called Millie to bring him some tea, looking at the whiskey bottle but refusing to pick it up. She brought a tray laden with sandwiches, tea, biscuits and cakes.

"Millie, I asked for tea," he said shaking his head at the amount of food before him.

"Sir Master," she bowed shyly, "yours always eat at night."

Severus looked at the elf and then reached to the tray and took up a sandwich. He was hungry, and breakfast still several hours off. He grabbed a cup of tea, put a second sandwich on a plate along with a cake and walked over to his desk to begin the grading. He found the task soothing, something he could loose himself in and not watch the passing of time.

He graded all the papers and looked at the clock, only an hour more to breakfast. He grabbed his cloak needing to be outside before the day began. He would not go out while the students were out; this would be his last chance until tomorrow.

The week passed quickly. He was surprised to find the weekend upon him and found himself at a loss as to what to do. He spent Saturday afternoon in the Alley, scouring bookshops, new and resale, to rebuild his library and to find new tomes he had not read. At the end of the day, he had filled two whole shelves of his bookcase and happily sat by the fire to read.

Only twice had he thought of Hannah today, once in the Alley as he walked the pavement seeing the other shoppers walking in pairs, and once as he sat in front of the bookcase remembering the one he had gone to see in her room at Spinners End. Each time he had simply pushed her memory away and went on with what he was doing, rather then dwelling on what he had lost. By the time the Holidays came he assigned so many essays he could keep her out of his mind all night, until he feel asleep then she would come to him in dreams and gently shake him, and turn to Lily and scowl. He would wake up and start grading again until they were both gone from his mind.

When the weather turned to spring again he was so ingrained in his blocking of memories that he no longer sought his morning walks. He graded papers up to breakfast time, and if he finished early, he would merely turn the stack back over and check them again.

His lessons found their own rhythm and meter, the students learning his moods by the sound of his footsteps as he entered the room. His voice turned caustic and as cold as the winter, not warming as the outside snow melted. By the end of term the Sixth and Seventh years no longer saw him as a four year older student. He had become the feared and hated Potions Professor. He smirked at the knowledge that he had reclaimed a place and damned Albus for making it possible.

He watched at the train station as the students climbed aboard the Hogwarts Express seeing the Seventh Year girls in their tight Muggle jeans and skimpy shirts. He was four years older, four years and a lifetime away from their smiles and gentle hands. He had never noticed how they moved, how their hips swayed, how he missed touching the soft skin he knew was there. They looked at him in disgust, the ugly, cruel Professor of Potions.

He turned and walked back up to Hogwarts, to his Dungeons and books. He had the summer to himself, no students underfoot. Albus had given his from Friday after dinner until Sunday night to leave the castle, as if he was a trusted teenager. Narcissa had not sent and owl, nor had Lucius called him to 'work'. He began taking his meals alone in his chambers, sleeping by day and prowling the halls at night.

Lily only visited on occasion now, he could time her visits to the number of fire whiskeys he had. He no longer felt her hand, nor heard her scream as a baby was ripped from her arms. It was the brown eyes that he would still see in that time between wake and sleep, that moment before the mind stops and surrenders it self up to a kind of death. He heard the gasp, and saw her face at the time he told her he wanted to remember.

His other dreams, the ones with Muggle blood and dark meetings in open fields filled his nights, caused his night sweats, and twisted sheets. He saw the bodies and the Lords smiling face and Albus standing on a hill shaking his head and pointing at him.

While the students were in the castle, it was easy to play his role, to step onto the stage in his classroom and act out his part. In the summer, he found it was harder to hide from himself, and as the staff left for their homes, and the summer staff dwindled to just three he felt exposed and restless.

He no longer felt free to visit Narcissa and Lucius, knowing every word spoken would be reported to Albus. He still sent Narcissa calming draughts and dreamless sleep to ease the nights Lucius was gone. He brewed his own as well.

He thought then, one night as he sat in front of this fireplace that just to see her would be enough. Just to know that she was well, and to know if she still wore her hair pulled back at the temples, and if she still worried her bottom lip. He looked at the clock and hurried to dress in this Muggle clothes.

Severus hesitated to enter the pub where she worked. He wanted only to see her. Slipping in to the shadows across the road, where he could see both the front door and the alleyway from the side entrance he stood and waited. It was almost closing time, and even if she had to help clean up after the customers were gone, he knew she would not be long.

He watched as the patrons left, some walking arm in arm, other exiting with boisterous laugher and jokes. He saw the lights begin to extinguish and readied for her to walk out. He stilled his nerves and convinced himself he was being foolish to stand here like a love sick Fifth Year, he pulled away from the wall and stepped into the light as the door opened and he saw her walk out.

She still wore her hair pulled up at the temples, and the same hair combs she had worn at the Inn. She turned back to the door as a tall man stepped out and put his arm around her waist. He reached down and kissed her cheek then took her by the hand and walked with him toward the road.

Severus clenched his fists and watched as they approached him, not knowing he was there. He could not take his eyes off their joined hands, and could not stop their laughter from coming to his ears. He stepped farther out of the shadows and stood in front of them, seeing her face as recognition came, then turning he walked away. Turning a corner quickly he apparated out of her sight and back to Hogwarts, ignoring her as she called his name.

He was empty, and cold. He walked steadily back up to the castle and into the Dungeons. He closed his mind, and built walls in his mind, and reaching his quarters took down his bottle, and a crystal glass. His father would not come here tonight; he would use fine crystal and admire the aroma of the drink.

He drank until Lily called his name and stroked his hair, and welcomed him home, and then he slept.


	15. Chapter 15

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 15 **

* * *

He spent the summer brewing potions and discovered a new way to speed the process of simmering the calming draught. He could now produce the elixir in half the time, and by substituting the ingredients, at one-third the cost. Severus smirked and took his findings the Headmasters office.

He tossed his notes and new potion instructions on Albus's desk and flopped down in the chair opposite him.

"That is for you to take to St Mungo's." He nodded to the parchment. "I am sure you can receive a small sum for it."

Albus picked up the scroll and leaned back in his chair taking several minutes to read it and process the changes. Then a grin replaced his scowl, as he set the parchment down and looked over is spectacles at Severus.

"You are entitled to half the profits," Albus said already imagining new books for the Third Years. "I am quite pleased with your contribution to the Academy."

"If I am to share the profits of my endeavours I expect you to also cover a share of the cost." Severus smirked reaching into his pocket and pulling out a ledger of expense he had kept on the project.

Albus picked up the list, rising as eyebrow when he came to the bottom.

"It is not the cost of the final product that is the total, but all the mistakes along the way." Severus said in way of explanation of the high sum.

"Yes, I imagine it is our mistakes that cost most dearly," Albus said testily. "You will bare the cost this time, however in the future I will set a Hogwarts Account with your supplier. In the future, you may remember to think before you act. You seem to have forgotten this lesson."

Severus came to his feet, fists at his side and glared at the wizard sitting if front of him. To angry to argue, he turned and started to the door.

"Professor," Albus' voice came to him. "If you are planning to visit with the Malfoys remember our agreement."

Severus continued walking. At the mention of the Malfoys, he walked to the Dungeons and changed into one of his new robes, then telling Millie to inform the Headmaster of his departure he hurried to the Manor. It was not until he was walking up to the house that he realized that Dumbledore had easily manipulated him into checking up on Lucius.

He tossed his robes off as he walked past the elf and into the sitting room where he could hear Narcissa's laughter, followed by the deep baritone laugh of Lucius. He got to the door in time to see Lucius jumping onto the sofa to avoid stabbing by a low flying broom ridden by young Draco Malfoy.

The boy crashed in to the wall and wailed as Narcissa ran over to him still beaming.

"I would think that he needs to be able to walk with out falling before riding a broom." Severus snickered watching Lucius jump off the sofa, smooth his robes, and school his face back to that of a snobbish aristocrat.

"Lucius, really." Severus leaned against the door jam and smirked. "Now you look like one of the Muggle nuevo rich."

Narcissa walked over to him with Draco sitting on her hip, one arm holding him up. With her other, she reached up and pulled him down of a resounding kiss on his cheek.

"Here," she said thrusting the infant at him. "You are staying for lunch. I will see that an extra place is set."

Severus stood holding the young child under both arms, away from his body. He looked at Lucius and seeing no help in the offering carried the child, kicking and dangling in front of him to his father.

"Here," he said trying to do what Narcissa had done, only Lucius stepped back, not attempting to take the child.

"Oh no you don't." Lucius laughed at him. "Narcissa has informed you that you are to be named as Godfather, it is time you got to know your Godson."

Severus looked at Lucius horrified, then looked into the child' face as Draco reached out to grab his nose. Pulling his head back to avoid the little hand, he scowled down at the boy.

Draco looked at the stranger's face and the unfamiliar black hair and let out a howl that would rival a cat under the back wheels of the Knight's Bus. Severus looked at Lucius in horror and again tried to foist the child off on him.

"Really now," Narcissa said from the doorway as she hurried back into the room and took Draco from him, balancing the boy back on her hip and pulling his head closed to her to plant a kiss on his head. "You would think he could hurt you the way you are acting."

Severus stood silently as she huffed out of the room and then he turned back to see Lucius chuckling.

Trying to ignore the mirth Severus went over the liquor cabinet and took out two glasses, pouring one and knocking it back at once he refilled the glass and then poured a drink for Lucius. He and Lucius, taking their drinks with them, followed Narcissa into the dinning room for lunch.

Severus was uncomfortable, eating quickly and not joining in with the conversation. He could not stop looking at the young boy to his right, sitting up in a highchair and blowing bubbles with his food. Occasionally a stray piece of cooked carrot was flung into his face or a gob of potatoes landed on his shoe.

"Severus?" Narcissa voice cut though to him. "Are you paying any attention to what we are saying at all? So, will you?"

"What?" he spat out embarrassed that he had been caught staring at Draco.

"Will you consent to taking Draco if anything were to happen to us?" Narcissa leaned over the table watching him carefully.

"Narcissa, you know I would do anything for you." Severus qualified what he was to say. "However, this I can not do."

"Lucius." Narcissa turn to her husband. "I want some wine. Something nice for our guest."

"And that," Lucius said rising, "is my cue to go the wine cellar so she can talk to you in private."

Narcissa sat quietly until she knew Lucius had time to reach the stairs leading down to the wine cellar.

"Severus," she pleaded. "If you don't do this he will appoint Bella and her new husband."

"Narcissa surely…"

"No, you listen." She put her hand over his on the table and squeezed hard. "Bella wants to take the mark. As soon as the Lord comes back she will, for now it is only her husband that wears it."

"I wear the same my dear." He looked at her suspiciously.

"But you are strong, you may survive this," she said honestly. "I need someone who may last longer than the rest have. You know what I mean. You know how many have been lost."

"I live in the Dungeons of Hogwarts, how I would look after a child?"

"Severus, if we are both gone he will get this all this." She waved her hands around, "He is our only heir."

"If it comes to that my dear," he sneered, "all this well be owned by the Ministry."

He pushed his chair back and left the table returning to the sitting room he took the bottle, sans glass, and sat in one of Narcissa's wing backed chairs that faced the fireplace. He stretched out his legs in front of him and proceeded to finishing the whiskey, waving off the wine when Lucius finally came back.

He was well into his cups when he felt a pressure on the legs and opening just one eye he looked to see the boy standing in front of him resting against his legs. The boy had large grey blue eyes, a shock of silver blond hair and a thumb thrust firmly in his mouth.

Severus tried to put the bottle down without spilling its contents, but unable to balance such a delicate task, allowed it to fall and spill to the floor. He reached down and picked the child up; setting him on his lap with Draco's back to his chest he wrapped his arms around the small lad and leaned his head forward to rest on his head.

Narcissa found them this way, both fast asleep while Lucius looked on from his seat on the sofa.

"What is wrong with him?" Narcissa said sitting next to Lucius and wrapping both arms around one of his. "He seems so different, he hardly smiles, and when he does it is false."

"Nothing a good witch won't fix," he said nuzzling her hair. "We just have to keep him away from those Muggles and Muggle born witches."

"What ever does he see in them?" Narcissa mused smoothing her dress and looking up at Lucius.

"Muggles are all whores, you know that." Lucius looked down at her and saw her nod. "You know yourself that a Muggle born witch is just trying to climb the ladder and snag someone better than herself."

"Now Lucius," she looked up pouting. "Severus is a half-blood, every one knows that. I hardly think a Muggle born witch would waste her time."

"No, but many pure bloods would be honoured to add his mother's blood line to theirs." He thought of all the families aligned to the Dark Lord. "I could think of a few that may do."

"We will just have to make sure his Muggle learns to keep her red light out of our world." He leaned back with Narcissa and started to make a plan.

"It was that tart from school that started all this," Narcissa said looking over to Severus again. "Then she dumped him for that blood traitor Potter."

"It won't happen again Cissy," he patted her knee, "just let me take care of it."

Severus woke slowly aware of the child in his lap but not remembering how he got there. He kept his head lowered and enjoyed the warmth and smell of the boy. He found himself comfortable as he gazed down at the top of the child's head and wondered if Lucius understood how fragile everything was, how quickly this could all be lost for naught.

Narcissa, seeing them stir came over, took her son from his lap, and smiled at him.

"I didn't want to wake you," she whispered over her sons head. "I do the same thing, as soon as he is in my lap I just relax and fall asleep."

"I did not mean to do this." He sat up flexing his legs to get some feeling back into them.

"Severus?" Narcissa quirked an eyebrow at him. "Have you thought about it? Will you do this for Lucius and me?"

"No," Severus said reaching out and stroking Narcissa's hair, then lowering his hand to the boys. "I will do this for your son."

"Thank you Severus." Her eyes filled with tears, "I worry about him every night. Thank you."

She left to put her son to bed as Severus walked to the door. He had not seen Lucius in the sitting room and looking at the clock saw that nearly two hours had passed. He needed to return to the Headmaster now and report that nothing thankfully, had happened.

He told Albus about the visit, and mentioned Narcissa's request and his acceptance.

"Are you sure this was a wise decision?" Albus asked.

"Yes." Severus replied to Albus's question. "I accepted."

"You are aware of the responsibility you have taken on?" Albus fought to keep his anger in check.

"Yes, I am quite aware." Severus scowled crossing his arms.

"A Death Eaters life expectance is rather low," Albus, said flatly. "If anything happens to both of them you will have their child as a member of your family for the rest of your life."

"Since I have no family that should not be a problem." Severus faced Albus showing no emotion.

"Anyway, I now have two masters. I have no doubt that I will precede Lucius in death, and then you may be relieved that I no longer carry this responsibility."

"He will be your student here in ten years," Albus thought aloud.

'Ten years?" Severus was shocked. "Do you mean to hold me here for ten years?"

"I plan on forcing you to stay until I can trust you." Albus frowned at him. "I had hoped after that you may choose to stay on."

"Why are you doing this?" Severus looked up, suddenly that Seventh Year student again.

"Because you asked, because you seem truly repentant," Albus sighed. "And because Hogwarts failed you once, and will not again. I know what you and your mother went through, but in my own blindness I did not think it a Headmaster's duty to step in."

"Is it now part of a Headmaster's duty?"

"No," Albus took his glass off and tossed them on the desk. "It is the duty of us all."


	16. Chapter 16

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 16**

* * *

Severus had a hard time differentiating between dream and reality as Albus leaned over his bed and shook him by the shoulder. He could feel the shudder of the metal wheels and rails slammed into the wooden slats of the coaster and see Riddles face as Albus stood by his bed looking at him with concern. His hand slid under his pillow and grasped the cold ebony wand as a manacle slapped around his wrist.

"Professor," Albus called louder, and shook again, his hand holding Severus' in an iron grip. "Professor you are needed in the infirmary."

The cloud in Severus's mind lifted as Albus held Severus's arm still, not letting go until his Potion Professor's eyes cleared.

"Headmaster?" Severus choked sitting up and rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. "You should never wake me like that."

"Obviously." The Headmaster stroked his beard looking at the wand already fisted in Severus's hand. "I have no choice in the matter. Your Muggle is coming in to the infirmary. Moody just sent his Patronus; they will be here any moment."

"What happened?" Severus was already standing up and reaching for his trousers. "How is she?"

"All I know is that there was an attack," Albus said flatly.

Severus pulled his trousers up and started to push his arms into his shirt, at the same time balancing to slide his feet into boots. There was the slightest hesitation, the merest drop of emotion that slipped onto his schooled expression, before he pushed it back. He tucked his shirttails down bringing up his zipper as he headed for the floo.

"The necklace worked then?" Severus asked to fill the empty space.

"It would appear so, it enabled Moody to apparate to her," Albus said joining him in the floo "We just do not know yet if it was in time."

Severus grabbed a handful of powder and threw it down, cursing under his breath thinking even this was too slow.

"Poppy." The Headmaster walked toward the Medi-Witch once they arrived. "As soon as Moody arrives I must reset the wards. I have opened up the anti-Apparation barrier until they are safely in."

"Do we know anything yet?" Poppy asked.

"I am afraid all we can do is wait," Albus put his hand on her shoulder. "I would imagine you will need to gather the usual potions, do remember she is a Muggle."

"Oh my," Poppy looked around quickly, "We need to keep her from the windows. I would be a little discerning if she were to see nothing but ruins and think we were floating in air."

"I forgot about that in the excitement," Albus chuckled. "Excuse me, I need to add one more thing to the wards, we do not want Muggles going hysterical on us."

"Fool," Severus snipped as Albus walked away.

Severus walked to the window Poppy had pointed at and stood standing looking out onto the grounds. His heart was beating so loudly in his own ears he was sure that others could hear it. He watched as Albus strode across the grounds and turned back to the castle, raising his arms and casting the spell that would allow Hannah to see her surroundings. A sizzling crack of thunder sounded behind him.

He spun around to see the scared Auror carrying Hannah in his arms. Without stopping to find his footing, Moody walked to the bed nearest Poppy and deposited his load.

"One more on the way," he said turning as a second Auror entered with a crack, a male figure draped over his shoulder.

"Where do you want this one?" a thick set Auror said.

Poppy waved to the bed next to Hannah as she quickly bent over the girl and assessed the damage. She switched wands and cast a spell to stop the internal bleeding she found in Hannah's kidneys and shaking her head looked up to Severus.

"She is bad Severus," she said softly. "Get these potions down her while I check her companion."

Severus stalked over and took up the vials offered to him, Pain and Blood-Replenishing Potion, and one more he raised his eyebrow considering.

"Poppy?" he asked holding up the faint blue liquid.

"I don't know if she needs it or not Severus," Poppy said looking at his face. "I always administer a contraception potion if I can not do a full exam at once. Even a few minutes may make a difference."

Severus looked at the state of her clothing and proceeded to administer all three potions.

"We got to her in time," Moody said quietly at his elbow. "They were just starting to rip her clothes off when we got there. Put it down lad, she don't need it this time."

Severus looked at the vial in his hand and then put it down on the nightstand, nodding his appreciation to Moody as his heart started to beat again.

Severus looked at Hannah. There were only small amounts of blood splattered on her top and hands. Her face was bloodied, but he could see no large wounds. The beating had been Muggle style. He cringed and reached for her hands, turning them over and inspecting them and her lower arms for damage.

"Defensive wounds," Poppy said pulling out her wand. "Her hands are broken in several places, but the wrists are good."

Severus looked over to the second bed and saw the same man Hannah had walked out of the pub with the last time he had seen her. Standing up he nodded to Poppy and stepped away from the bed.

"Since I am no longer needed here I shall return to my chambers," he said stiffly. "If you have need of me you may floo."

"Severus!" Poppy looked at him shocked. "You will do not such thing."

She put her hands on her ample hips and stamped her foot as Severus turned and walked away. He pushed open the infirmary door and quickened his step as he fled for the Dungeons. He could not stand there knowing 'he' was in the next bed. His breaths were shallow, and by the time he reached the Dungeons a cold perspiration had beaded across his forehead and the back of his neck.

He did not stop until he had a bottle in his hand and had poured a good amount of whiskey down his throat. He put the bottle down and placing his palms on the table leaned forward and took deep breaths to still his nerves.

"I used to have the same problem." Moody's voice came from the doorway. He walked across the room and picked up the whiskey bottle, looked at the label and threw it into the fireplace.

"How dare you?" Severus pulled his wand and pointed it at Moody.

"Oh, I am not talking about the whiskey my lad." Moody frowned. "I am talking about the witch."

"She is not a witch," Severus said looking for another bottle.

"Just bewitching hey?" Moody laughed with a leer. "Tell me Snape, what does Albus have on you to make you work for him?"

"I am sure you will be told in good time," Severus spat at him, finding the other bottle and uncapping it.

"He told me that you had a friend that needed protecting," Moody looked at him oddly. "Now you hide down here?"

"I am not hiding," he sneered tipping up the bottle.

"There were four," Moody said coldly. "Her brother was already down when we got there. They had her on the ground and Malfoy was between her legs ripping off her knickers. The other three still wore their masks."

Severus's head had come up when Moody had said 'brother', his jaw clenched when he heard 'Malfoy'. He watched the older man carefully for any sign of enjoying the fact that he had watched a mere Muggle treated this way. It was not just the pure bloods that thought Muggles were for sport.

"One kicked her in the ribs. The other two were wiping her blood off their hands and laughing," Moody scowled at the memory. "She was still awake when we apparated in. They left as soon as we got there, not even time for a duel."

Severus sucked air into his lungs and dropped his wand but continued to stare at the Auror in front of him.

"When I bent down to pick her up she said you name," Moody shrugged. "I thought you would want to know."

"You are sure it was Lucius?" Severus said coldly.

"Yep, been after that one since the last night of the war." Moody said heading back to the door. "Don't lose yourself in that bottle Professor."

Severus stood looking at the door Moody had passed through.

Typical arrogant git, he thought, seeing the door left wide open. Then he heard the Auror's voice.

"So are you coming?" Moody's voice echoed in the halls.

"Shite!" Severus hurried after him, his long strides catching up quickly.

They walked together to the infirmary where Hannah and her brother lay. Severus wanted to hurry, but remained at Moody's side, matching his step and again hearing Moody's voice as the words 'brother' and 'Malfoy' had slipped out. He knew Moody only had his suspicions and knew nothing of his past. Moody still did not trust him, and only had gone to her because Albus had ordered it.

"Moody," he said looking straight ahead. "I will not forget what you have done."

"Dumbledore said that she was important," Moody looked at Severus strangely. "He did not say to whom or she may be there still. I assumed she was helping the Order."

"I am sure he will satisfy your curiosity," Snape sneered. "Before he does, just know I am at your service."

They had reached the infirmary and Severus walked to Hannah's bed as Moody walked over to Albus and stood talking quietly to him. Scowling at Severus the two wizards left to continue their talk in the Headmaster's office.

Severus pulled the chair in Hannah's curtained area closer to the bed and sat down, taking her hand and bringing it to his lips. He saw the bruising and ran the pad of this thumb over her lips remembering the first time he had kissed her, and the time he had healed from her boyfriend's fist. He laid down her hand and stood to find Poppy when her bother called to him.

"You." Jack was struggling to get up. "Who the fuck are you?"

"I think you are well aware of _who _I am," he sneered at the man's rudeness.

"Yeah, Snape," he spat out the name. "From Spinners End. When she told me she was dating you I told her to back off, not to trust you. You were always weird, even as a kid."

"How very brotherly of you." Snape crossed his arms and looked down at him.

"She thought it was you." Jack started to cough, and finally caught his breath enough to finish. "She sees this man walking toward her wearing a mask and thinks it's you."

Poppy came over as he again started to cough and spit up phlegm and blood. She held a basin under his head and gave Severus a look that would have made a lesser man run. Severus watched dispassionately and waited until Jack settled once more against his pillow.

"Finish," he demanded looking down at Jack with obvious contempt.

"The tall man, the one in the front, he grabbed her and slapped her." Jack's eyes clouded a little. "The others came at me before I could get to her. I heard her screaming, and then woke up here."

"She said you were in prison," Severus stated. "Was that a lie?"

"Two years I sat there until I got a new trial." He looked at Severus directly in challenge. "It was self defence. They let me out after they found the witness."

Severus took two steps toward him and rested his wand against Jack's forehead. He was in his mind at once, shifting past memories that he did not want. He found the attack on Hannah. He saw Hannah run toward the Death Eater, and saw Malfoy strike her, and laugh as he took off his mask. The memory ended. Jack had been telling the truth.

He moved on ruthlessly tearing his way through images that flew in front of him, he pushed them away and searched until he was standing in a pub, seeing it though the eyes of Jack. He had been drinking, but was not drunk. Severus knew the night had just begun feeling the burn on his throat. Later the whiskey would not burn as hot. He watched, heard a deep voice call to Jack, and the argument that ensued over a bet made and a debt not paid.

The larger man walked toward the door as Jack stepped up, and thrust a knife into his side. He felt the blood over his hands and recognized the smell. He pushed the moving image aside until he found what he was looking for. The pulling out of Jack's mind he stood up and looked down coldly.

"If you lie to me again I will kill you," Severus said softly to make sure only Jack could hear him. "I see your witness only set you back the cost of a whore."

"What did you do?" Jack was holding the back of his neck gasping in pain.

"You will remember none of this, but this one promise," Severus said coldly. He raised his wand again and cast the 'Obliviate', modifying his memory to hold the threat, and then he called to Poppy.

"This one needs to be returned at once," he turned to her. "His memory has already been erased."


	17. Chapter 17

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 17**

* * *

Severus returned to Hannah's bed, sitting in the chair he just watched her sleep. He did not think of Malfoy, or the others that had attacked her, or the murder he had seen in her brother's mind, he just watched.

Well into the night Poppy came up behind him and crooking her finger at him indicated that she wanted to talk to him away from the patient.

"Moody came back from talking to the Headmaster and took the young man home," she began. "Now he is in the hallway demanding that he talk to you."

Severus rubbed his hands over his face and found only one days stubble, he was never sure any longer when he fell into his dreams how long he had been gone and had learned to check his face. He left Hannah's bedside and strode out to the hall.

Moody was waiting in the hall with his wand at his side. Anger rolled off him as he rounded on Severus slamming his walking stick to the ground and sending off a wave of magic large enough to push Severus to the wall. He was still regaining his footing as his wand flew into Moody's hand.

Alastair Moody was a bear of a wizard, large and hard. As he lowered his head and charged Severus Muggle style, he roared and shouted his intent. Severus waited as Moody came at him, and at the last moment stepped aside and let him crash into the wall. He stepped over the crumpled wizard who was sputtering curses and trying to untangle his feet from his robes, and picked up his wand. Glaring at the Auror on the floor Severus pushed the wand into the flesh at Moody's throat.

"To what do I owe your greeting," Severus hissed, drawing his head back and looking harshly at the wizard at the end of his wand. He felt the adrenalin rush as he had not felt it for a year. His blood rushed to his ears and his hand lovingly loosened its grip to read adjust its self to his natural hexing grasp.

Moody looked up and saw a different wizard than he had looked at only a moment ago. Severus looked older, harder, and unflinching. This was no twenty two year old playing grown up games. This was a seasoned Death Eater, one prepared to die in a fight without thinking about it. The only thing he moved was a hand, hidden under his robes, as he searched for his wand.

"ENOUGH!" A flash of light preceded Albus' voice, slamming Severus to the floor, and removing the wand from his hand again. He looked angrily at both of the wizards in front of him.

"Professor," he stormed at Severus, "you will return to the dungeons at once."

Severus was standing up as Albus spoke and turned to glare at him. Holding out his hand for his wand his eyes challenged the Headmaster to refuse his request. Severus heard Moody rising behind him and stepped to the side to shield his back from the Auror, knowing that not even Albus could stop the rage he felt in the old scared Auror.

"Alistair," Albus turned to the large wizard. "I told you that this was exactly what I feared. You may leave at once. Must I remind you that this is a school?"

Moody walked to Albus, his heavy boots pounding on the stones, grabbed his wand and turned back to Severus.

"I always suspected that you were with that scum," Moody said darkly. "Just because you have fooled the old man into believing your change of heart does not mean I believe you."

Severus's heart was pounding as he stared at Albus. He had thought the old wizard would hold his confessions close, and in sharing them with Moody, he was once again betrayed.

As Moody's foot falls echoed down the hall Severus had not moved, nor taken his eyes off Albus.

"He needed to know," Albus stated flatly. "He wanted to go after Lucius. To stop him I gave him the reason he was not to do so."

"Why would you have stopped him?" Severus hissed. "He saw Lucius in the act of a Death Eater attack. He should have gone after him."

Albus peered over his glasses. "Then, my Professor, You would lose your contact on the other side."

"What is her life worth old man?" Severus asked flatly.

"A means to gather information," Albus said honestly. "Without her, we could lose you."

"Is that all she is? A way to control me?"

"No, the Oath will control you." Albus raised his eyebrow, "the woman will make it easier for you."

"If I fall, will you still protect her?" Severus asked, feeling the truth of his second oath grow cold and slip down his back.

"No, I believe the Oath will no longer be binding." Albus looked at Severus evenly, seeing the colour drain from his already pallid face. "I think you should play your part well."

Severus walked up to Albus and snatched his wand out of his hand. He had not wanted to resort to Muggle fighting since living at Spinner's End, but he wanted to now. Instead of lashing out, he spun on his heel, and ignoring Albus's objections walked back into the infirmary and took his position at Hannah's bed.

He sat stonily looking at her, wondering what he had done. He had meant to protect her, to have her watched over in the event of his death either here or with the Death Eaters. He knew his time was limited. Death did not scare him, sometimes in his dreams he saw himself walking toward it, and felt a sense of calmness and peace. What scared him was another life on his hands, blood that he could have stopped, another soul to account for.

Hannah's eyes fluttered open as the sun was just rising. She was disorientated, and frowned at the ceiling before turning her head to see who was sitting next to her.

"Severus?" she whispered.

He sat forward on the edge of the chair and took up her hand. "You were injured. You are in a hospital room at Hogwarts, you are safe here."

"Jack, Jack was there too." She was struggling to sit up.

"He is fine." Severus nodded to her. "He is already home."

"I thought it was you, I ran right up to them and let them do this," she winced as she finally reached a sitting position.

Severus tucked her pillows behind her, and raising his wand called four more to cushion her back fully.

"It was not your fault," Severus said sternly. "If anyone is at fault it is me, I am the one that brought you into this."

"How did you do that?" She asked adjusting the blankets around her thighs as the gown rode up every time she moved.

"Hannah, just talking to you I have put you in danger. Anyone I care for will be in danger."

He pulled the chair closer and sat down holding her hand again.

"You remember what I told you of my life?" he questioned and was glad to see her nod. "I am not a nice person Hannah. The Death Eaters, the masks you saw, will want me dead if they find out I am working of the Headmaster."

"I am sure the Headmaster will help you," she said naively.

"No, Hannah." He shook his head letting his lank hair fall forward. "He can not. His own people do not want me here. They do not trust me, nor I them. Without the Headmasters protection they would curse me as readily as the Death Eaters would if they knew of my allegiance here."

"Can't you just tell them you no longer care?" She looked at him with her liquid eyes.

"No," he said, standing up suddenly.

"That night you came, and saw Jack." She looked away sadly. "I knew then that you didn't care."

"Why would you think that?"

"You didn't even want to talk, if you wanted to do more than just use me, you would have stayed and at least talked to me."

"Don't think that. I told you that is not all I wanted."

"You said you would send me an owl, that you would show me your world, and that you would come back for the holidays," her voice held her accusations as she laid her head back on the pillows stacked up behind her and closed her eyes.

"I can't do this Severus," she winced as her hand went to her side. "Not here, not now. This is all too much."

Severus gently pulled her forward against him as he removed the pillows and lowered her down again. Frowning when he heard her gasp in pain and saw blood on the front of her gown. He stood up quickly and hurried to find Poppy.

"My goodness." the Medi-Witch said, hurrying to the bed. "You have no business sitting up young lady."

"I need to go home," Hannah, said weakly. "I have work tomorrow."

"Work?" Poppy gave a short snort of laughter. "I should say not."

"I have to, you don't understand." She again tried to push up. "I will lose my job if I am not there."

"Then you will find another," Poppy chided her. "You will not leave this bed until I say you are ready."

"I feel fine, really I do." She pushed Poppy's hand away when the Medi-Witch tried to pull back the blankets.

"I will complete this examination." Poppy muttered and pulled out her wand letting it hover over Hannah's abdomen. "It appears you are in the habit of avoiding medical attention. If you had seen a healer months ago you would not be in this shape now."

"Leave me alone," Hannah, said trying to twist away as tears filled her eyes.

"Poppy?" Severus said the witches name as a question.

"She obviously miscarried and never had proper attention." Poppy shook her head. "Now she is bleeding from an old haemorrhage she never had properly healed, a weak spot I would guess."

Severus stepped back from the bed and looked at Poppy's back as she waved her wand over the witch in the bed. He then looked past her to Hannah's face. She was looking back at him fearfully and then turned her head away.

"I will leave you to your work." He nodded his leave taking to Poppy, then giving Hannah a cold look, left for the dungeons.

Two days later Poppy declared she was well enough to leave, and asked Albus how she was to return to her world.

"I am sure our Potions Master will be glad to take her." He raised his eyebrow confused that she would ask this.

"I don't think so." Poppy stood in the Headmasters office with her hand on her hips. "He has not even bothered to look in on her since her first night."

"Has he asked after her?" Albus stroked his long beard thoughtfully.

"He has not. Nor she or him."

"Was the child his?" Albus asked sadly.

"I don't know Albus," Poppy sighed and sat down across from the Headmaster. "She refuses to talk of it."

"Poppy, take some sober up potion down to our esteemed Professor. I am sure he is well beyond us by now. Once he is showered, tell him I have need to see him."

"Albus." Poppy shook her head and pointed her finger at him. "You can not force this issue. They need to do this on their own."

"How would you suggest we do that?" Albus raised his eyebrow at her.

"I will get him sobered up, and then it is up to him." Poppy stood and walked to the door.

"I can keep her here until they talk," Albus told her. "Tell her that, we can see what happens."

Poppy floo-ed into Severus's chambers and found him as Albus had thought. He was sitting in his chair, legs splayed out in front of him, and three days of beard on his face. Poppy could not rouse him to do more than grunt when she shook him.

She finally pushed his head back on the chair and holding his chin firmly, poured the first vial down in throat. He sputtered and began coughing, most of the potion landing on his chest and in Poppy's face. Taking out the second vial and pouring it down, Poppy saw his eyes flicker open briefly.

"You may as well give up Professor," Poppy fell back on his formal title. "Albus is on to you."

"Get out of here," Severus sat forward trying to push her out of his way.

"I will not move until you finish this." She held up a third vial.

Grabbing it from her, Severus uncapped the vial and drank it down. He grimaced and looked around for something to wash the taste from his mouth. His hand reached for the bottle laying on its side as Poppy's curse hit it and reduced the bottle to a lump of molten glass.

"If you are not showered and presentable in thirty minutes the Headmaster will be down here. I am sure you do not want him in here." She looked around at the mess and sniffed the smell of whiskey and bodily sweat.

Severus's head pounding, but at least he was sober. He squinted up at her, and saw she was holding a fourth vial. Severus tried to smirk as he held his hand out for the headache potion but found it to painful.

"Poppy?" he said in a whisper after drinking down the potion and placing his head in his hands. "When did she lose it?"

"Ah, Severus," Poppy said sadly. "I don't know, I really could not tell. I should have kept my silence, but I thought you knew."

He nodded and stood up, holding on to the chair until he got his balance, then he turned to the bathroom.

"Tell her I will see her later," he sighed. "Tell her we need to talk."

.


	18. Chapter 18

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 18**

* * *

Hannah was sitting up on one of the windowsill when he walked into the infirmary. Her back and head rested on the cold stone, her eyes turned outward towards the grounds. He could see the reflection of her face in the glass. She did not turn when he walked in, did not acknowledge his footsteps as he approached her, and did not respond to his touch as he rested his hand on her shoulder.

"Hannah," he started, "please, look at me."

"It is beautiful here," she said, not turning. "It's no wonder you don't want to leave."

"There is more to it than that." He sighed, removing his hand from her shoulder. "Yes, it is beautiful, and a long way from Spinners End."

"Is that why you want to be here?"

"I think at the beginning it was." He looked out on the grounds with her. "And then it became more."

"I couldn't tell you. About the baby, I couldn't tell you and you never came."

"Was it mine?" he asked, closing his eyes against what he did not want to hear.

"I was almost five months along." She wiped tears from her eyes, not answering his question. "Jack was driving. I guess it was my fault. I shouldn't have gotten in the car with him. He found a woman to help me, but it was too early, he never took a breath."

"You didn't go to a doctor?" Severus questioned imagining what she had gone through to give birth to a dead five-month foetus.

"No." She leaned her face against the cool glass of the window. "Jack said not to, he said that they would know he had been the one driving and he would be in trouble so he just never reported it."

"It was a boy than." He spoke without meaning to.

"Yes, a boy, I just found out that morning. It was a boy."

"If I had known I would have….."

"Stop," Hannah cut him off. "No more lies Severus, no more promises. I had it all planned out, how I would take care of him, and what I would do, I didn't need you then and I don't need you now."

He reached around her and slipped his hand over her stomach. "If I had known, if it was mine, I never would have walked away."

"I wouldn't want you to stay just because of the baby. If I learned anything from Spinner's End it was that."

"Hannah." He grabbed her shoulders and turned her to him.

"Was it yours? Is that all you need to know?" She turned up her face to look at him. "No, Severus. He was mine, only mine."

"Who was the father?" he hissed, feeling his anger building.

"He had no father." She pushed him away as she stood up. "A father loves his son, and the mother that bares him."

"Hannah." He pulled her to him, "I need to know. The truth, was he mine?"

Her hand connected with his face before he had the chance to pull away. He released her as if the sting of her hand was a fisted blow.

"I am sorry, Miss Haywood." He nodded at her and stepped back. "I was not aware that I was your only bed partner. I seem to remember a rather common boyfriend of yours that you enjoyed enough to forgive the beatings he gave you."

"Of course he was yours, you bastard," she growled at him. "He may of hit me, but at least he always came back which is more then you did."

"Is that what you want?" He glared at her, and then grabbed her upper arms. "Do you want someone who treats you like that?"

"I don't want to do this Severus, please." She pulled away and turned back to the window. "I don't want to do this."

He stepped behind her, wrapped his arms around her, and lowered his head to her hair.

He closed his eyes and breathed evenly so as not to let his voice crack "When I saw you, that night, you were with Jack. I didn't recognize him, I thought he was you lover."

"I have waited for you." She laid her head back against him. "It feels like an entire life time I have waited for you. That's long enough. I can't do this any more."

"Stay," he said aloud, only having dreamed it before. "I want you to stay. I have chambers in the dungeons, or I can find a place in town."

"Well," Albus said, seeing the couple by the window. "I see you are finally talking."

"Trying to," Severus sneered releasing her as he faced the Headmaster.

"Headmaster." Hannah had the grace to blush. "I did not hear you come in."

"Did I hear correctly that you plan on staying with us?"

"I, I don't know." She looked at Severus then saw the scowl that had covered the Headmasters face. "No, I have to get back. I have a job, and rent to pay."

"I can arrange to have someone take you this evening." Albus peered over his glasses at her, "Unless the Professor has the time."

"That would be fine Headmaster. It does not matter who it is."

"Then I shall leave you two." Albus looked at Severus and then clasping his hands behind his back he left.

"I take it that was my answer," Severus said stiffly.

"I imagine it is."

"If I remember correctly, you had nothing when you came. I assume then you are ready at leave now?"

"Yes," she said turning away.

"We must walk to the main gates," he turned and walked to the door, and opening it, he stepped back to wait for her.

They walked in silence until he reached out to pull her close to apparate her home. Then holding her, she looked up.

"I am sorry I am not what you want," she said as they spun away.

As they landed on the hill overlooking her village, he leaned down and captured her mouth in his, and tasted her once more, then pushed her away when he felt her struggle against him and watched as she started to walk into town.

"Hannah." He called her name quietly, hoping she would stop and turn back, and when she did his heart almost stopped.

"I will try Hannah, I will try to come back. Give me this, just this one last time."

"I'll not wait for you," she said evenly. "If you come you come. Don't expect me to wait anymore."

"Hannah," he said her name as she turned and walked away and he knew this time she would not turn back to him.

He returned to Hogwarts and walked down to his rooms seeing Albus ahead of him he slowed, not wanting to talk to the old wizard, but knowing there was no way to avoid him.

"Headmaster," he said in greeting.

"Professor, I came for a visit and imagine my surprise to find you gone."

"You didn't want her to stay," he said in measured tones. "She is gone, so you may be pleased."

"This is not her world. She seemed not to belong."

Severus walked past Albus without commenting on his statement. He was angry, and could not form the words he wanted to say. He could not draw his wand and throw curses, he was under an oath, and he thought it wise of Albus to make the oath as he had.

That night Lily came back without the whiskey to keep him company. She looked sadly at him, and kissed the head of a dark haired child and then stepped in to the queue for a ride. The attendant shook his head and held out his arms, taking the child and pointing to the restriction posted that said "No Earth Bounds" could ride, then picking up a red soaked bundle handed that to her instead. Narcissa and Hannah stood smiling and waved good bye while Lucius laughed and cranked the gears to lift them higher on spines of wood.

Severus jerked up from his sleep sweating and fighting for breath. He dressed quickly in his Muggle shirt and trousers, grabbing his wand and sliding it up his sleeve he ran down the hallway desperate to reach the apparation point before he fully woke. He needed to keep something with him, and if fear was all that he had, he would keep it safe.

He was almost to the Great Hall, only steps from the outside when Albus stepped in front of him, halting his escape.

"Professor, I am surprised to see you thinking to leave in this state."

Severus looked down at his attire and then ran a hand over his face to make sure hours of sleep had passed and not days.

"I have need to leave." He responded when he as satisfied this was the same day.

"I am afraid I must forbid your request this evening." Albus said sternly. "You are not to go to her like this."

"Like what?" he demanded sneering. "I am dressed this way to blend in."

"It is not the attire I am talking of, rather the state of your mind."

"I am fine," Severus said, looking around on the floor. "I must know."

"Know?" Albus repeated in question.

"Did the child have a soul?" Again, the question of a Seventh Year boy's confusion was heard.

"Severus," Albus walked forward to the youth calling him by his name. "She had an accident. The fault was not in you."

"Narcissa still tries," he said wanting an explanation.

"Narcissa is barren now, more a chance of nature."

"She had Draco," he muttered still looking around.

"Severus," Albus shook his head and walked up to the boy in front of him. "There are things we can control, and things we cannot. I would suggest that until you know the difference you stay away from your Muggle, you do not want to harm her more."

"More? I will not hurt her," he said honestly, looking into the older wizards eyes.

"It is not always by our actions that we hurt others. It is by what we do not do. Now, return to your chambers, if you still have a need, see her in the morning, but not like this."

Severus returned to his chambers and picked up the bottle of whiskey. He looked at it oddly and set it back down, and then walking to his floo, he knelt down and called Narcissa.

"Severus!" she almost squealed in her delight. "Lucius and I are sitting here bored out of our minds, do come through, we could use some entertainment."

Severus grinned at her girlish antics and stepped though to the Malfoy Manor. Albus had refused him to go to the Muggle world; he would go to the Malfoys. Arriving in the sitting room, he looked around to see Lucius grinning at him.

"You will be sorry," he said tossing his hair back over his shoulder. "Narcissa has guests."

Severus turned and raised an eyebrow at Narcissa.

"Now Severus," she pouted. "Don't be angry with me. I just wanted you to meet someone nice. She is upstairs changing. Do give her a chance."

"And?" Severus scowled at her.

"Oh, all right," Narcissa huffed. "Her name is Olivia Huskster. She is 19 years old and from a very old family."

"Narcissa," Severus said folding his arms and sneering down at her. "She was a student of mine last term. I can consider her in no other capacity."

"I told her it was you she was meeting," Narcissa said. "She had no objections."

"Who is her father?" Severus looked pointedly at Narcissa. "Was he not one of those we lost in the last battle? Are you sure this is not her family's way of keeping in close to the Dark Lord? Do you think I am so foolish as to think that the name Huskster would not endanger the position I am establishing at Hogwarts?"

"Oh Severus," she said, looking to her husband. "Lucius, talk to him."

"I have tried my dear," Lucius smirked. "He is quite right you know. If Dumbledore heard he was sleeping with a Huskster I am afraid our plans would be lost."

"So," Narcissa said crossing her arms. "Am I right in assuming that we have to find a witch with no allegiances to either side?"

Severus crossed over to the liquor cabinet and poured himself a drink wanting this conversation done.

"Yes, Cissy," Lucius said, watching Severus. "That leaves out just about the entire Wizarding World. Perhaps that is why our friend prefers his Muggle whores."

"Lucius!" Narcissa rose to her feet. "How can you say such a thing about my Severus? I am sure he only uses the Muggles for entertainment, he could never prefer her over a true witch."

"Her?" Severus repeated as he slowly poured himself a second drink, keeping his face and voice schooled and even.

"Yes, her." Narcissa said becoming angry. "Don't think we don't know who she is. I was concerned for you, I asked Lucius to look into it."

"Did you now?" he said tipping up the glass and draining it down carefully, wanting to smash it into the wall.

"Did you know she was living with a man before you started up with her?" Narcissa lifted her chin. "Did you know she carried his child and then bled it out with out so much a getting a healer to try to save it?"

"Do tell," Severus said in a bored tone, as ice settled on his back. He turned around slowly to look at Narcissa.

"Do you know what type of family she comes from? Really Severus, you can tell a lot from family," she said, not slowing down. "Her father was a drunk, he beat her and her mother, and they say he even tried to rape her before he was thrown in prison. Her brother is no better. What kind of family is that?"

"Why Narcissa," Severus purred, "you have just described my family as well. Perhaps you forget where I come from."

"No Severus," Narcissa came to him and laid her hand on his arm. "When you first came to Hogwarts and I was told to watch over you, the Lord knew you could be great. The Prince blood flows in your veins. Lucius and I were told to save you from the Muggles."

Severus' mind reeled. He fought not to turn and look at Lucius. He fought not to push away the witch that stood in front of him.

"Well my dear Cissy," he said controlled and even, "since I am not interested in your friend, I shall leave until you have another in the offering."

"What of that filthy Muggle?" She crossed her arms and looked up to him.

"I have no designs on a Muggle other than a quick shag," he smirked and placed two fingers under her chin, turning her face for the obligatory kiss on the cheek. "I do however have to return to Hogwarts. I am sorry I cannot stay longer."

He crossed over to the floo and reached up to grab the power when Lucius's voice spoke to his back.

"I am glad to see you back in the fold my friend," Lucius said coldly.

"As always Lucius," he turned and threw down the powder and as the flash of green took him away, he grinned.


	19. Chapter 19

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 19**

* * *

Severus stood at the gates looking up at the castle replaying Narcissa's words over in his mind.

_When I was told to watch over you,_ replayed in his mind and whispered on the wind. _When I was told to watch over you."_

The Dark Lord had told her to watch over him, to be kind, to lead the way, to bring him over from the Muggle world, to fully ingrain him in her's. She had not done it from kindness, or some foolish regard for the young Slytherin who was so alone, she had done it for the Dark Lord.

Severus raked his hand through his hair and took deep breaths, feeling unsteady, and not able to walk. He leaned his hands against the wall and tried to put the images that came to flashing through his head in order, but her words kept echoing back. _When I was told to watch over you_.

He remembered the first time she had come to help him. He had been alone, sitting in the corridor after curfew, sitting with his books on the floor, finding more comfort on the cold stones than in his own common room. She had sat next to him, talked softly, took him by the hand, and led the small, too thin, First Year back into his dormitory. He remembered Lucius had opened the door and grinned as he waved them in, and whispered something in her ear.

He remembered sitting next to her in the Great Hall, and the sweets she brought him, and her smiles and they way she would look up and wink at Lucius. He remembered she hated Muggles. He remembered how hard he had tried to forget his home and Spinners End to please her. He remembered now how she and Lucius would always be at hand to take him from games of chess, or Hogsmeade days with others his age, to spend time with them, to keep him apart. He had gone with her willingly, and happily, sealing his loneliness with Narcissa's sisterly smiles and pats on the shoulder from Lucius.

In Fifth Year, they would come back to Hogwarts to collect him on weekends. They would take him to parties, and to Lucius's Manor. They would regale him with the honours and the status that awaited a brilliant wizard who gained favour with their Lord. A Lord that was so kind, so just, so willing to help a young wizard with no family that he would do anything to help him with his boyish dreams.

Severus made a fist and drove his hand into the stone hearing the bones snap before he felt the pain.

"Fuck," he spat aloud, hitting the wall again not feeling the pain.

He remembered the grassy field and kneeling before the monster. It was Lucius that firmly set a hand on his shoulder once again, to push him down to his knees and hold out his arm to accept the ticket for his ride.

He had witnessed their wedding and was Godfather to their son, and all the time it had been but a ruse to take him to that grassy field to have the Mark burnt into his flesh. Then he saw Hannah's liquid brown eyes and heard her gasp of pleasure, and knew that Narcissa had taken this away as surly as the Mark rested on her husband's arm.

His feet pounded on the pavement as he ran to the castle and though the halls and up to the Headmasters office. He needed to reach the old man, and was not sure why.

"Headmaster," he said out of breath. "I have come from the Malfoys."

"Ah," the Headmaster said leaning back in his chair. "I assume from your state that you learned something?"

"Narcissa, it is she as much as Lucius," he said, raking his bloody hand through his hair and wildly looked around.

"So, the memories are returning?" Albus said softly.

"No, I mean I thought I understood, but things were different." Severus began pacing not willing to admit all he remembered, as the admission would tell all he had forgotten.

"Did you find it was Narcissa that had the job to take you to Tom?" Albus looked at him steadily.

"Yes," Severus said flopping into a chair, leaning forward and putting his head in his hands, then winced at the pain in his hand and sat back up. "You knew."

"We sat in this very office and discussed this," Albus said steadily.

"You said she was not as she seemed." Severus looked up at Albus. "That was all you said, you said I was to be cautious."

Flashes of memories filled him; he looked up and saw Albus as he had seen him then, and knew they now both remembered the same.

"What will you do now, with this information?" Albus steepled his fingers and brought them to his lips waiting for the answer.

"I wanted to kill her." Severus looked up to see Albus frowning, "I wanted to cast the curse at both her and Lucius."

"Yet you did not," Albus said still frowning.

"She is still Narcissa. I can not separate what she has done from what she has been." Severus looked to Albus for an answer pleading to understand.

"Narcissa is not in herself an evil person Severus. She is still so enamoured with Lucius she does not yet see the truth herself." Albus stood to walk over to Severus. "We still may hope she finds it, as you have, and come home."

"She was behind the attack on Hannah," Severus said quietly, as if his admission was an admission of his own fault in the injuries that she had received. .

"She wants me out of the Muggle world completely." Severus looked up to the Headmaster.

"Yes, I imagine she would see a Muggle as a distraction and beneath you. Do not confuse the two Narcissas. She has always been overly proud of her heritage. She would normally find one such as Hannah beneath her status. I am sure it was this heritage and pride that allows her to follow Lucius and not see the fault in his thinking."

"She pretends to be my friend," Severus spat.

"I do not think it pretence," Albus said slowly rubbing his chin. "It may have started that way, however over the years she has championed you, and grew fond of you. I saw it at your leave taking, as you accepted your certificate of completion. She was genuinely proud."

"How do I do this now old man?" Severus said standing. "How do I put on a show knowing what I do?"

"Knowing that she is your friend now but was not then?" Albus's small smile caught Severus unaware.

"Friend?"

"Yes, I imagine that some place along the line she must have counted you among her friends. Minerva and I have talked of her often. We believe you and she are not so different."

"I think it was her friendship of you that first brought you to my attention," Albus looked at Severus evenly. "Her interest in you alerted me to the Lord's own interest in my small First Year. As Eileen's son, you were sought. If I had realized where it was all heading I would have had you sorted to Ravenclaw, and kept you more distant."

"So," Albus said more loudly signalling an end to their talk. "You now know how you came to Tom's attention. However painful this may be it changes nothing. Do you know why you are here? Have you learned this yet?"

"No," Severus sulked, and then turned his childish sulk to a sneer. "I am tired, and I have need of a potion."

"Did you win the fight with the gate?" Albus laughed as Severus sneered and walked to the stairwell and back to his chambers. "Make sure you stop in the infirmary and have that taken care of."

Severus stormed out of the Headmaster's office, and after listening to Poppy cluck her tongue while healing his hand, he headed to his chambers. He missed dinner again that night, taking a meal of sandwiches and coffee in his chambers to the delight of Millie who waited on him and refilled his coffee after every sip.

At the end of the meal, Millie winked out of the room and returned with a large plate of chocolate cake, topped with clotted cream and berries. She proudly set it on the table and slid it over to Severus.

Severus's eyebrow rose as he looked from the mess of a cake, to Millie, and back to the cake.

"What do you call that?" Severus snipped poking at the buttery cream with a fork. "Why is it on my cake?"

"Taste it Master," Millie hopped from foot to foot. "It is like you will remember."

Severus lifted a small bite on his fork, looking sceptically at Millie as he placed it on his tongue, and began to chew slowly. He ate the whole piece, and all the cream, and then sitting back almost smiled at Millie.

"Yes," he spoke softly to the elf. "It is as I remember. You would bring it to me, at night, in the dark."

"Yes Master," Millie smiled. "It makes the healing go faster."

He looked at Millie puzzled. "Cake with clotted cream does not speed healing Millie."

"Professor's mother would say I was to give you a treat for not crying." Millie looked up hopefully. "This is what I bring."

Severus frowned and began to pace thinking of clotted cream and cake. He remembered the cake, and eating, and sitting quietly while a wand was waved and his mother crying. His mother sat and cried and wrung her hands while the wand waved. The wand was waved by other hands that he now remembered.

He frowned and looked at the empty plate that held the cake, and then his eyes travelled to the elf.

"I have no time for this." He sneered at the elf, afraid of the feeling of familiarity that was coming over him.

He hurried to the shower and prepared for bed, hoping for more then two hours of peace. In the morning Severus sought out Minerva, finding her walking the gardens before breakfast was served.

"Minerva," he said walking up and standing in front of her intent on asking his questions.

"Severus," she said, dropping his title as he had dropped hers.

"You were there." He started to put his still mending hand thru his hair, as was his habit, then dropped it back to his side.

"Severus, what are you on about now?" she looked at him quizzically.

"You were always there, from the beginning I remember you." He looked into her face and saw her worry lines erase, and saw her as the younger woman she had been. "You used to come to me, to visit, I remember you healing me."

"Aye Lad," she said with a gentle smile.

"My mother would bring me here, to see you when my father was away." He knitted his brow together and remembered.

"I see once again you come to me with broken bones." She reached for his hand and took out her wand. "I would not mention this to Albus, he is much to stern to understand now, and was much sterner then."

"I'm afraid that's too late. He did not know what?" Severus stood still as Minerva whisked her wand over his hand. "Or, is it that he would not have approved of your helping?"

"Albus offered your mother a place here. She refused, choosing instead to live with that man. Albus will only offer once."

"Minerva?" He looked up to her eyes, a Seventh Year looking for acceptance. "I don't, I mean to say I should have…"

"No need Lad." She lay her hand on his cheek, "regrets are something we have no time for. Now, I want my breakfast and I want my favourite student to take me."

Severus smirked and gave a grand bow, then holding up his arm he allowed his favourite witch to take his elbow as he walked her though the hallways to the Great Hall.


	20. Chapter 20

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 20**

* * *

Severus spent the rest of the week anxiously waiting for Saturday, the day he planned to see Hannah. He paced his rooms when not in his labs and read Potions journals to keep abreast in his field. He worked on a new potion for burns, one that St Mungo's had requested, but for once found no joy in the search, for a new faster acting potion.

He glanced at the whiskey from time to time, and then in a fit of remorse flung it into the floo and cursed his need of it. Twice he received an owl from Narcissa and twice he sent it back with no answer.

Every morning he felt his chin and sighed in relief to find only the normal growth. He felt the gentle voice of madness coming back, but this time knew he would recognize its face.

Saturday morning he was up before dawn and pacing his rooms. He watched the clock move too slow and to pass the time joined Minerva and Albus for the morning meal. He frowned when Millie brought a bowl and set it in front of him of warm milk and toast, then picking up his spoon he smirked, and began to eat savouring the taste that was home.

"Severus," Minerva said bringing him back to the present. "If you are going out today I will ask you to run an errand for me."

"What would that be?" he sneered, thinking she would take him from his plans.

"I have need of new quills, and since you will be introducing your young lady to our world I thought perhaps a shopping trip was in order."

"You will be careful." Albus stopped eating long enough to peer over his half moon glasses. "There are those that will not welcome her in to our world."

"I will welcome her." Severus stabbed at his bowl with his spoon. "I need no ones approval for this."

Minerva smiled and raised her eyebrow looking at Albus in challenge.

"Quiet right Professor," Albus mused. "How unfortunate that you waited this long to seek something without someone's approval."

"Oh Albus," Minerva sighed and rolled her eyes. "I can not take your all knowing attitude before lunch. I have told you this before."

Minerva went over to Severus and handed him her Gringotts seal for her purchases, and then looking to make sure Albus was not looking, pressed a small vial of potion into his hands.

"I know you have none in your stocks, I asked Poppy to send it," she whispered down to him. "If Millie is feeding you milk toast, and she was quite pleased you have had no whiskey for a week now, I am sure this may come in handy."

"Minerva," he said, looking down at the same potion he had tried to sneak into his father's food when he had stayed sober long enough to get the alcohol from his blood.

"Don't be silly boy," she chided. "Drink it and get through the day."

Severus knew the potion would sooth his stomach and still his shaking hands. He knew his excuse of cold, or fatigue was no longer believed, if in fact it ever was. He remembered the potion Albus had forced him to take, and uncapping the vial he drank it down.

He left right after morning meal, not able to wait any longer to collect Hannah. He tossed his robes over his arm and asking Minerva for the use of one of hers for Hannah's use, set off stopping at the owlery on the way.

Once in the village he placed a weak tracing spell on the owl and saying Hannah's name softly he let it go. Watching as its head lowered, and wings spread, it gave with a single rotation of wings, and it was off. It glided only two blocks and began its downward spiral, turned a corner and flew from sight.

He hurried to follow and upon turning the corner, saw the owl already tapping at a second floor window. He stood and watched as the curtains pulled back, and a slender arm pushed the window up. Hannah leaned out the window and looked around, seeing him walking toward the house she smiled widely, and then holding her finger to her lips she ducked back inside.

Not five minutes later, she came out of the house, with her shoes tucked under her arm, and a jumper in her hands. When she neared him she dropped the jumper, and the shoes fell away as she lifted her arms and ran. He caught her as she flung herself at him, jumping up and wrapping her legs around his waist. She grabbed his face in both hands and began raining kisses and laughter on him.

"You came," she laughed, "you said you would and you did."

"I told you I would," he smirked at her, holding her up.

She reddened and looked around as she lowered her feet to the ground. He leaned forward and gave her a chaste kiss before letting her go.

"You need to wash you face. Where we are going Muggle make up is frowned on."

"What?" She stepped back turning and glared at him. "Listen here, no one tells me…."

"Please," Severus said already feeling things turning wrong. "I put this poorly. I am just not sure what to say when I am around you."

"We are a pair." She smiled and reached up to his cheek. "Severus, I am sorry. I will be right back."

She turned to leave when he pulled her back and with his wand removed her make up. He looked at her as if for the first time, and wondered why she would it at all.

"Hannah," he said softly, "you are much nicer this way."

He bent down to kiss her, but pulled back up instead and looked around.

"Hannah," he said stiffly, "we should go now."

"Is something wrong?" She looked at him oddly.

"No, nothing. We should go. My world starts earlier than yours."

"Earlier?" She smiled and took his arm in both of hers as they began walking. "I only just got up."

"No electricity, remember?" He smirked.

"Oh," she thought then said. "I don't get it."

"Have you ever heard the saying 'from sun up to sunset' my dear?" His lip twitched watching her face.

"Oh, lights, I get it now." She pushed her arms into her jumper as they walked along. "So it being summer the shops are open late. So why hurry."

"Just walk," he could not bring his self to say the truth. He came early just to be with her. "Do you have to be back for work today?"

"Nope," she said trying to smile. "Looks like I am between jobs again. I have rent paid until the end of the month, and then I am out."

Severus stopped walking and looked at her frowning.

"Oh Severus, there is always a pub looking for someone." She tugged on his arm and leading him up the slope. "I'll be fine."

"If you need something, money or…"

"No, now stop that," she cut him off, and looked away from him. "I will be fine. I've been though this before."

"What of your brother?" Severus knew her brother did not work at all, but came around seeking her help whenever he was close to the dole.

"I don't know," she sighed. "When I got back, and lost my job, he left."

"He should step up and take responsibility," Severus said stiffly.

"Other than you, how may from Spinners End has done that?" she laughed aloud and shook her head. "Let's not do this today. Let's be a normal couple out for the day."

"Normal?" Severus chuckled. "Come see my normal."

He held her as he did a Side-Along-Apparition taking her to Diagon Alley. As soon as their feet firmly stood on the pavement, he pulled her back against a wooden wall and handed her the robes he still had flung over his arm.

"Put these on" He handed her a set of Minerva's robes, and then put on his own. "It is the custom here. There is also a hood attached that I may ask you to use if the need arises."

"A need for a hood?" she asked hesitantly.

"If I tell you, you will lift the hood and pull it low to hide your face." He looked into her eyes to see a flicker of fear. "Hannah, your attackers have not been found."

"Maybe we should go elsewhere." She looked at him nervously.

"Trust me. No one will harm you if you are with me. However, it would be best if they did not see you with me."

"I am hungry," she said to change topics. "Where can we grab a bite?"

He slowly took her shoulders, turned her from the wall, and allowed the first sight of the Alley to come to her eyes.

"If we make it that far, we will stop at the Leaky Caldron." He smirked seeing the look of wonder come over her face.

"Oh my," she breathed.

Her eyes were first drawn to the inhabitants of the Ally. She saw robed figures, dressed as her and Severus. She saw strange creatures dressed in more formal looking attire bobbing in and out or the crowds, and everywhere signs proclaiming things for sale she could only guess at.

"What is that?" Hannah asked pointing at a short creature that appeared to be wearing robes over a very old fashioned suit and tie.

"A Goblin," Severus reached up and lowered her arm. "They run the bank and I would suggest you not gape and point."

"Oh my," she said again as an elderly witch walked past with the more traditional pointed black hat and black robe.

"Shall we?" Severus snickered as he held out his arm.

Severus did not take her into any shops but allowed her to wander at will, peeking in windows and checking the wares sold in the stalls. Twice his hand went to hers and brought it back down before she touched something dangerous. Several "Oh my's" and two "What the Fuck's" later they finally made it to the Leaky Caldron.

"Severus, can we go back?" She looked up at him as he held her chair for her. "Please? That was fun."

"I think it was enough for one day," he smirked looking at her large eyes. "We will do it again soon."

"I want to go back to the place with the quills and parchments," she said looking up and biting her lip like a Muggle child waiting for Santa to leave a toy.

"I think we can manage that," Severus said looking around the pub for Tom. "Ask before you touch anything, some of the quills can bite."

"Severus," she laughed at his seriousness.

"No Hannah, they bite," he quirked lifting his eyebrow and held out the second finger of his left hand, pointing to a small scare. "I was twelve, buying my supplies."

"Your kidding," she breathed taking his hand and examining the scar.

"I also forgot to pick up quills for Minerva, so we need to go back anyway," he said knitting his brow together.

"Severus?" Hannah asked seeing how worried he looked. "What is it now?"

"I will take you to Hogsmeade," he looked into her eyes. "We could get the quills there, and inquire about a job for you."

"Severus," she said looking down and fidgeting. "I don't think I could do that."

"Why," he leaned back in his chair ready for a rejection. "I would be at Hogwarts. I could come to you every day."

"Exactly," she reddened and looked up at him. "I don't think we are ready for that step yet."

"It is not like we have not…."

"Severus," she hissed and looked around. "At least do that thing with your wand that stops people from hearing what you say."

"My dear, Severus has never been known for his subtly," Tom said as he set down two cups of tea. "What will it be today? Stew, Stew or Stew?"

"I think I would like a bowl of stew," Hannah laughed up at him.

"Its all he eats you know." Tom smiled down at her then turned to Severus. "So, stew?"

"No, I would prefer a sandwich." Severus smirked feeling his lip twitch.

"I ran out of bread, it's Stew," Tom frowned looking at Severus before he walked away muttering.

"What was that all about?" Hannah looked after him.

"Tom prides himself on his stew in case you missed it," Severus smirked. "We are also too late for lunch and it is not yet dinner, so we eat stew."

"It's what?" She pulled up the sleeve on her robe and looked at her watch. "Severus, it is only just after noon time."

"No, your watch will not work properly here, it is almost four." He tried not to grin at her look of horror but lost the battle.

"Oh," she said sadly, and lowered her head to look in the bowl that was set in front of her. "I guess I just wanted this to last longer."

"I told you we will collect the quills and come back another time."

"No you arse." She blushed and looked up at him. "I wanted more time with you."


	21. Chapter 21

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 21**

* * *

Severus was able to pour himself back into his work after seeing Hannah, and assuring himself, he had not made things worse with her. He gathered his ingredients, and set them up along the bench in a line and walked up and down frowning at them.

Each ingredient was needed, he was sure of this. Each ingredient was in its proper form. The dried leaves were needed dried, the fresh root, needed to be kept moist. He pulled books form his shelf and again went over each component. He knew something was slowing the healing process, but he could not find it.

The current potion, which was brewed to a thick paste and then spread over the burned area, took over twelve hours to heal. Twelve hours was too long, to many children were left scared, or so badly infected that their healing was further delayed, exasperating the process even further. Adults would benefit by shortening the process only by three hours. Three hours could be a lifetime when withering in pain. Severus understood this all too well.

"Professor." Albus voice came from the doorway. "You have not been to a meal in two days now."

"I know." Severus's hand went to his face, found just two days growth, and he sighed in relief.

"I keep looking at this. I know the answer is right there." Severus said pointing to the long line of ingredients on the bench. "Seventeen ingredients, all the correct portions, all correctly prepared, there must be something I miss."

"I think it is time you stepped away from this." Albus walked over and looked at the line of ingredients. "I find sometimes when I am not thinking my best answers come to me."

"It is as if the very potion fights with itself." Severus sighed and stood, he suddenly felt his back and legs ache. "Perhaps you are right. I am getting no place with this."

"Minerva is joining me for tea. I will have sandwiches added to the tray," Albus said, still frowning at the lined up items. "I do wish at times that I had kept up with my potions, but alas it has been too long."

The two wizards left the lab and strolled up to Albus's office. Severus smirked as he walked along, feeling a smile tug at his lips. He felt at home, and comfortable, a feeling he could not remember.

"Are you still having your nightmares?" Albus asked as if in passing, walking with his hands clasped behind his back.

"Not as bad," Severus admitted, unknowingly also clasping his hands as well. "I can sometimes go almost the whole night."

"It will get better," Albus sighed, "my sister haunted my dreams for years."

"You had no fault in her death." Severus stated what he thought was the obvious.

"I am afraid that my guilt was not in the doing, but in the allowing it to happen." Albus shook his head slowly. "Do you not have the same fears in your nightmares?"

"Yes." Severus watched the old man from the corner of his eye.

"I can not identify the fear. I wake in a sweat," Severus confessed softly. "I am terrified of the dream. It changes, but there is nothing fearful in it but the dream itself."

"Ah Minerva." Albus beamed as they stepped into his office. "I see you have thought of the same thing."

On the table near the fireplace sat a tray full of tea, biscuits, sandwiches and soup. Severus's stomach growled as he looked over at the laden tray, and he look sheepishly at Minerva.

"Go ahead, don't stand on formalities." She smiled at him and then began to pour the teas.

When she had finished she sat back with a steaming cup of tea and a piece of short bread. Dunking the short bread in her tea Albus chided her about being childish, but Severus only looked at the biscuit and scowled.

"Not you too Professor." She snipped looking at Severus, leaving her biscuit too long in the tea. "Now look what you have done, I have a cup of mud."

Severus jumped up and grabbed her cup, watching the biscuit dissolve to a lump at the bottom of the cup.

"Minerva," he said raising his eyebrow. "Has anyone told you lately that you are beautiful?"

Minerva's mouth opened as if to speak then slammed shut. She turned red and tried to speak again.

"What ever are you on about boy?" She said watching him all but run out of the office.

He cursed himself for not seeing it. He should have looked at the ingredients and sorted them by use instead of by order. He should have ignored the Arithmancy, he would have seen it.

He started running to the lab and once there he resorted the ingredients and found the two potions that he knew had been there. First, he would brew a potion to drink, to let the blood carry under the skin, to heal the internal structures. He looked at the second potion and knew that if the first were internal, this salve would work quickly and efficiently.

He grabbed two Cauldrons and started to brew. When he had finally finished the potion, he sat at his desk for just a moment to record the completion time in his log.

It was the next day before Minerva went to go to the dungeons to collect him for Albus. Looking at him asleep at his desk she shook her head seeing that Albus had been correct, and laid her hand on Severus's shoulder, gently calling his name.

Severus's head snapped up, looking at Minerva as if in a dream. Then the fog in his mind lifted as his hand went to his face.

"Shite." He shouted standing up and looking at the clock. "Is that morning or night?"

"Night Severus," Minerva sighed, "you have been down here far long enough."

"Fuck!" He yelled rushing to the back of the lab and running into his chambers. He shrugged off his lab frock as the grabbed his robes and tried to hurry past Minerva.

"She is with Albus," Minerva said to his back.

Severus had his hand on the door ready to push through when he heard Minerva's statement.

"She is where?" He asked incredulously.

"Now calm down," Minerva said evenly then wrinkled her nose. "You will make your self presentable before running off."

"Why is she here?" He hissed at Minerva.

"It was nothing," Minerva said uneasily. "Moody's receiver glowed, but when he got there she was fine."

He looked at Minerva as his mind raced, there had to be more. He turned to the tower, his strides turning into a run as he neared. Bursting into Albus's office he quickly crossed to Hannah. She was still turning at the noise of someone entering when he reached down and pulled her up.

"Who was it?" he demanded. "Who did you see?"

"Severus." Her voice and Albus' blended as they both yelled at him at the same time.

"Stay out of this Albus," he said using the Headmaster's first name. Then pulling his wand out he tapped it to her head and started going through her mind, furiously looking for something familiar, something that had happened in the past few hours.

He saw her in school, and tossed that memory aside. Then she had on a white dress and carried her silver beads, this also went aside. He saw visions, and glimpses and snips of conversations, and then he saw her walking behind her rooming house, taking a sack to the bin. She did not see anything amiss, not knowing the man named Nott that leaned against the tree down the road was the danger.

He quickly looked at two more memories since, of Moody arriving, and the tea with Albus. As he was about to leave an unsought memory flashed in front of him. She was under the roller coaster, the old wood creaking, she was looking up from her bed on the ground, she moaned, and called out a sound that was his name. He felt her skin, and tasted her mouth and took her virginity in one hard thrust.

He pulled out of her mind and staggered to keep his feet under him. Backing up from her and looking at her horrified eyes he felt his breath leave him and worried it would not return. Turning he rested both arms on the back of a chair and closed his eyes.

"Nott," he spat, "Nott was there."

Then looking at her, he shook his head and left as quickly as he had come. He heard her call his name. She wanted his to come back. He lengthened his stride until he was at a full run. Finding himself at the gate, he turned and spun to Narcissa. He could not allow this memory in, he had to stop it, and stop her from returning to his mind.

He hurried up the pavement to the door, using his wand to clean and freshen himself as he went. He needed to be with someone that would keep the memories away. He needed to stop his dream from coming to the day.

"Severus!" Narcissa cried out as he strode into the sitting room unannounced. "You look awful."

"Thank you my dear," he sneered looking at her, then walked toward the liquor cabinet where he grabbed a bottle of Lucius' finest. He tipped it up and took a long pull. Closing his eyes he waited for the warm feeling that he knew would soon flow into his veins, and not feeling it fast enough, took another pull.

"I see that Blood Traitor has upset you again," Narcissa came up and laid a hand on his shoulder. "You really need to shed him you know. I could give you money to start your own shop if that would keep you here."

"Where is Lucius?" Severus asked looking at Narcissa darkly.

"He is in France for the weekend," she sighed, "Once again I find my self alone."

Severus put the bottle down and grabbed Narcissa, crushing his lips to hers and pushing his erection into her. She leaned into him, moaning her desires into his mouth and spreading her lips to allow his tongue to taste her. She ran her hand to his length and stroked him through his trousers.

"Lucius need not know," Narcissa said, tilting her head for Severus's exploration of her neck. "I have often dreamed of this."

"I want a fuck," he said, as his hands roamed over her body, pulling back and looking at her. "It will mean nothing more."

"Hurry." She reached up to his neck pulling him to her mouth only to be pushed away harshly.

Severus pushed the bottles off the top of the liquor cabinet with one arm then lifted Narcissa to sit on the edge. He pushed her robes off her shoulders, lifted her dress to her hips, and stepped between her legs. His hands slid up her thighs to her knickers, which he ripped off in a single motion, tossing them to the floor and pushing her down on her back.

He did not seek to pleasure her as he pulled her to the edge of the flat surface, and lifted her legs, pushing her knees toward her shoulders. He used one hand to free himself from his trousers and entered her roughly. After only a few strokes, he felt a quickening, which signalled the release to come.

He closed his eyes rather then look at Narcissa, and saw liquid brown eyes and heard his name called as the wooden spine shuddered and the chant of 'earth bound-earth bound' came to his ears. He felt Narcissa shudder her climax as he exploded inside her, releasing his seed and no longer wanting to touch her.

He pulled out his wand and cleaned himself, then turned and did the same to Narcissa, leaving her to get up without help. With a few waves of his wand the bottles and whiskey was back in the proper place and order on top of the cabinet.

"Well," Narcissa said, laughing as she sorted out her clothes and pick edup her knickers from the floor. "That was certainly interesting. A little too fast for my taste, but interesting."

Severus poured two glass of whiskey, handing one to Narcissa he downed his in one swallow and turned to refill it.

"What did he do to you now?" Narcissa said crossing to the sofa and sitting down. "Has he been pushing you too hard?"

"I just needed a break," he said looking over at her. "I didn't think you would mind the company."

"No, not at all," she smirked. "You are welcome to visit when ever Lucius is away. I always wondered about you, what it would be like."

"About me?" he quirked an eyebrow at her.

"I wanted to know how big you were, but there is no polite way for a lady to ask." She looked up at him smiling.

"I no longer see you as a proper lady," Severus threw back his drink. "I see you as a fucking whore that does as she is told."

"Severus!" She hissed coming to her feet. "How dare you? I only did this for you, because you needed me. I've only ever did what you want."

"How dare you." Severus was feeling the power of the whiskey that flowed through his veins, at last quelling his nerves. "You were told to bring me to the Dark Lord and you did."

"He is my Lord too." She raised her chin. "I will tell Lucius of your traitorous words."

"And, I shall tell him I enjoyed his whiskey more than I did fucking his wife," Severus laughed aloud. "You are not as tight as a Muggle, nor as wet and warm. Rather like fucking a used up whore, my hand is better."

"Get out!" She seethed at him. "Get out now."

"The Dark Lord wants me Mrs Malfoy," he sneered at her. "I do not think even Lucius would be willing to harm me."

"Out," she pointed to the door, tears running down her face. " How dare you, I thought you …"

"Don't worry my dear," he smirked as he walked to the door. "I will return to fuck you again when I can not find a Muggle whore or my hand is to sore from stirring potions."

Walking down the path to the gate he smiled, and headed to the Hogs Head to finish drinking.


	22. Chapter 22

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 22**

* * *

Severus did not make it back to Hogwarts until the sky was light. Aberforth had poured three vials of sober up potion down his throat to get him up and out of the pub, and then one more to make sure he made it home. He was quite sober by the time he walked up the hill in the crisp moist morning air, but quite hung over.

He still felt anger boiling just under his skin, and occasionally looked around to see who was following him in the shadows, or lurking in the bushes that lined the pathway. He knew he was being foolish when he felt his chin and knew it was only the next day. Severus felt darkness around the next corner, and did not know if he should run to it, or from it.

Narcissa had welcomed him and he knew she would still take him back again. He had wanted to hurt her, humiliate her for all the years she had held onto her lie but she had turned it on him, her need for acceptance eclipsing his. She would have to take him again, like the whores of Knockturn Alley. She would take him and smile to the Dark Lord of how she saved the prize. He wondered if she also sought salvation, looking for escape from the live she had chosen and cursed what he had done.

He stood still and looked up to the castle, and then looked back down the hill towards Hogsmeade. He saw Lily and shut his eyes, taking a deep breath he longed for her scent, a touch of her hand, or the sound of her voice. She was leaving him. He felt it as surely today as he had felt it when he had taken Narcissa in her husband's home. He felt he was going mad and welcomed the promise that it held.

Hannah did not come to his mind, for him she had ceased to exist. He had felt pain he had never felt before when he saw her memory, he pushed it away and refused to acknowledge it was there. If he lost Lily, he would now be truly alone.

He drew his robes around him to keep in his warmth and continued up to the castle. He would shower, and dress before returning to the Malfoys. He smirked knowing Lucius still would be gone and Narcissa would be alone and waiting for him.

He pushed his door open, expecting to lift the wards but not finding any set. Then remembering he had left in a rush to Albus's office, he frowned trying to remember what had happened. Thinking it the whiskey that made him forget, he tossed his robes on the floor and headed to the shower.

"Severus?" Hannah's voice came softly from the sofa, a question and a gentle warning that she was here.

He spun around and glared at her, and curled his lip in disgust.

"Leave," he hissed at her, stepping close. "Leave at once."

"Severus," she stood uncertainly looking at him, but edging toward the door. "The Headmaster, he told me what you did. That you were working and fell asleep."

"Fine," he simpered, mocking her gentle tone. "Then you can leave with that knowledge."

"I just don't know why you are angry with me," she looked at the door ready to flee. "I just, I don't know Severus, I know you never remembered me."

"Why would I remember a whore?" he spat at her. "Do you think you are such a good fuck that I would remember you after all this time? Bloody hell witch, I hardly remember you now."

Hannah's bottom lip trembled, until she bit down to still it, and turning on her heel, she walked toward the door, not understanding his anger. She stopped to talk to him from the hallway, watching his back as he searched his cabinet for a bottle.

"You are the one that forgot," she said with her voice shaking. "I thought… I thought you cared for me or I never would have let you touch me."

"Care?" He spun to look at her, his face a mask of rage. "Before the day was out you had another, I saw how deeply you cared."

Hannah stepped backwards, shaking her head and staring at him in horror. She opened her mouth to say something and then closed it again, all the while shaking her head. She backed up until a wall stopped her, and then looking at him, she turned and fled. He could hear her feet retreating down the hall and smirked when he heard her stumble. He would be damned if she was going to make him feel guilty for this. Not this time, not remembering what happened, only the words that flew to his mind.

He walked into the lab and looked at the finished potion on his desk. Picking up one vial of potion and one of salve, he walked to the bench and removed his shirt. Looking at the Dark Mark that he would carry to the day he died, he grinned and turning on the Bunsen burner. He held his left arm over the flame. He watched as his flesh blistered with a raised eyebrow, wondering why the Mark did not move.

Sweat appeared on his brow, and his legs began to give out, he took a steadying breath and let it out. Then with just a shrug of his shoulders, he removed his arm and poked at the burn with his wand.

Uncapping the first potion, he drank it down, making a notation of the exact time, and then applied the salve. Sitting down to wait for the healing process, he took a dark look at his arm. The pain kept him focused, and did not allow his mind to wander. He looked at the salve and was tempted to wipe it off to hold on to this perfect moment of forgetfulness. Instead, he took up a quill and recorded the results, coldly, clinically, and detailed.

When his arm healed, he merely put away his notebook and returned to his chambers where he showered and changed his clothes, paying special attention to the detail. He sent his trousers to the laundry for pressing, not liking the way the crease fell. He examined the buttons on his waistcoat, to make sure no lose threads hung astray, and smoothing his hands over his robes, made sure no wrinkles and set in. Holding his head up, and his chin high he picked up the vials of the finished potion and left for the Great Hall.

"Headmaster," he said in way of greeting, setting the vial and jar of salve in front of Albus. "I am sure St Mungo's will be pleased with the results."

He walked down to his place at the table and keeping his eyes on his plate began to eat.

"Have you scheduled the tests?" Albus asked holding the vial up to the light.

"The test has been completed," Severus said flatly. "It exceeds expectations."

"You tested it on your self?" Minerva gasped.

"I completed the clinical trial, I find the potions satisfactory," he said with a sneer.

"I will deliver it later this afternoon," Albus said slowly. "I am sure they will make a generous payment."

Severus made no further comment to the two staff members, or the Muggle that had seemed fit to join them. He ignored her completely, and finishing his lunch pushed his chair back, and left.

He spent the rest of the afternoon in Hogsmeade buying ingredients for the next potion he would be working on. It had come to him to try a cure for the Cruciatus curse. He thought a two-part potion might be of used in this healing as well.

He knew there were many victims he could use to test the potion. The longest living was the Longbottoms, but he thought they might have gone too long with out the benefit of a cure.

He would propose a two-step cure. The first potion would set up a reversal in the method pain was processed in the body. Allowing magic to reverse the pain and send it back into the body, cleansing the pain centre of the brain and allowing it to heal while blocking the pain to be felt by the sensors. The second potion could then allow a small amount of the pain to flow at a time. Flowing naturally, to be handled with normal pain relievers and the body's innate magic. It would depend on how long the patient was held under the curse, but he was sure it could be done.

He gathered the ingredients and locked himself in his lab, determined he would find the cure before the beginning of term. As one vial after another landed against the wall, he grew frustrated with his failed attempts. He paced at night and brewed during the day, finding cups of tea at his elbow, and sandwiches left on trays. He would bring his hand to his chin and frown at the passage of time again not trusting the clock.

Severus no longer used his bed, sleeping instead in the chair in front of the fire. He thought to limit himself to two drinks a night. More than two drinks and Lily would come, call his name, and point to the girl in the cart, pulled to the top of the summit, and as he watched in horror, she would fall with the cart and then picked up by a wizard that did not wear a cloak. She would turn to him, and press her hand between her thighs she would bring up bloodied hands and smile. Her voice would come, but the words jumbled and lost. Lucius's voice said she flushed one away and then laughed and said a father knows.

Severus sat up and put his head in his hands, checking again for the passage of time. He walked to the shower stopping in front of the mirror and saw his father. Smashing the mirror with his fist, he left the shards on the floor rather than doing a simple '_Reparo'_ spell. He took a deep breath, and after a few moments went to his lab to brew.

.

.

.

.

.

"Minerva?" Hannah poked her head though the open door and looked for permission in enter.

"Yes, Hannah," Minerva said standing up for behind her desk. "Do come in, I have spent far too long on these lesson plans. I need a break and this is a perfect time to take one."

"I don't want to keep you from your work," Hannah looked around hesitantly.

"Not at all my dear, sit." Minerva waved her wand and transfigured a comfortable armchair from one of the student desks for Hannah, and then smiled and made one for herself as well.

"Now, tell me why you are not outside on such a beautiful day," Minerva said settling into her chair and smoothing the robes.

"I really need to be moving on Minerva. I have been here for a month now, I am sure you don't need me under foot any longer."

"Where will you go? You have no job, and I am sure your belongings have been kicked to the street by now."

"I will find something Minerva. I do love this place. All this is just so fantastic, but I know I can't stay."

"Has he even spoken to you since the night you were brought here?" Minerva asked boldly. "He can be such a cold selfish wizard."

"Minerva, I will not talk badly of him." She worried her lip. "I have known Severus most of my life and if you are going to speak ill of him I'll just leave now."

"Dear, I meant nothing by it," Minerva said hastily.

"I thought to go back to Spinners End," Hannah said. "I still own the place, and maybe I can find something close by. I don't have much to pack. I can be ready this afternoon."

"If this is what you want," Minerva frowned.

"It is, I just need to get my courage up to tell Severus I am leaving," she sighed. "I will not leave it like this."

"He is still in his lab. He can be single minded when he is working on a portion." Minerva snipped.

"Well," Hannah stood, "then I should get this over with."

Hannah walked down to the dungeons slowly. She stopped to look at the pictures and talk to some of the inhabitants of the frames. She found this the most fascinating aspect of the wizarding world and had spent many hours learning of this world from the conversations she had with the many characters she met trapped for all eternity in a wonderland of paints and oils.

She did not know what to say when she reached the door of the lab, but lifted her hand and timidly knocked. Hearing a voice inside bidding her to enter, she took a deep breath and pushed the door open.


	23. Chapter 23

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 23**

* * *

"Severus?" she said, stepping into the lab and not seeing him until he walked out of his storeroom at the back.

"I am sure you have a valid reason for disturbing me," he said flatly, as he walked to the workbench and began arranging his ingredients.

"I have come to say goodbye. It has been a month now since I came, and we have not spoken since. I think it time I moved on," Hannah said softly and began to walk toward him, stopping when she saw him stiffen. "I am sorry Severus, however I don't know for what. I just know that some how I hurt you."

"I am sure if you put some effort in it you would remember full well," he sneered.

"Severus, please," she said shaking her head. "I know some of this is my fault. I thought you would have remembered me. You were a big part of my life, I guess I made it into something it wasn't, and over the years imagined you cared."

"You made your choice," he said coldly.

"Choice? You think I chose him?" She asked with her voice breaking. "You were there, you stopped him! Is that what this is all about? You believe I wanted him to rape me?"

Severus's hands clenched in front of him as his memories came flooding back at her words. She had not wanted someone else. She had not taken a second lover. He had seen the man that laid over her, he had heard her screams, and he had run to find her with him in her. She was screaming, fighting and twisting to get away, only finding a fist with every movement she made to free herself.

"They told me at the rape centre that I was wrong to think of rape as sex, that it was more about power, and that no one that cared about me would think I wanted it." He could hear the tears in her voice. "I thought you were different from the rest at Spinner's End. I thought after every thing else that happened that day you would have understood, that you would have known I didn't want it."

He remembered. They had taken the train to the park, they had ridden most of the rides, and he had pulled her into the shadows of the coasters spine and kissed her. He closed his eyes remembering how sweet she had tasted, how very sweet she had tasted to a seventeen year old, an adult in this world, a child in hers.

He remembered sliding his hand over her breasts and into her waistband, he remembered her face and the freshness of her mouth and how he had been her first. He remembered her liquid brown eyes and the way her tears pooled at their bottoms, not quiet spilling over when he entered her.

It was late when they got back to Spinners End, her stepfather waiting on the steps to pull her away form him and rage at her for being gone all day with the freak from the house on the corner. He had pushed up her skirt and yanked her out of Severus's reach, looking for and finding blood smeared across her thighs.

"Tart," her father had raged pushing her hard against the brick wall, and bringing his hand across her face. "Get into the house. If you want to act like a whore I will treat you like one."

"You," he said turning on Severus, the smell of whiskey heavy in the air, "you know she is underage, I will call the authorities and have you put away for this."

"If you hit her again, I will kill you," Severus said coldly, and reached for his wand, sickened when he did not find it, knowing it was sitting next to his bed at home.

"Yeah?" The bear of a man raised his arm and let his fisted hand connect with Severus's chin. Severus fell back and the man was on him, eventually leaving him lying on his side, blood pouring from his mouth. He managed to curl into a ball as more blow fell, and heard Hannah's pleas with her stepfather to stop, to leave him alone.

"You like what he did you slut?" He stood back from Severus's body and rounded on her, then grabbed her hair and pulled her into the house.

Severus heard her screams and finally able to stand he staggered to the house. Her screams came from inside, mingled with her stepfathers rage of anger. Her voice was pleading and sobbing.

"Please, no. Daddy, not this, please don't."

He saw the splatter of blood by the door and did not know if it was his or hers, he heard her sobs and found a familiarity in the sounds. He thought of grassy fields and Muggles brought for entertainment.

"Accio wand," was out of his mouth before he thought about it, and he raised his hand cursing the wait until he felt the ebony wood hit his palm. Then whispering a soft "_Alohomora_," he watched the flimsy wood door open in front of him.

Hannah was on the floor, her stepfather between her legs pumping into her, his hips thrusting forward only stopped by her. Her eyes closed, tears pouring out, and she mouth open in a silent scream of pain.

"_Crucio," _Severus said with his wand pointed at the man's back and smirked as he saw the bastard twisted in pain.

"Severus!" She screamed his name, pushing the man off her.

"_STUPEFY!" _Severus yelled then kicked him, pulling him to the side and then he cashed his fist into the drunken face rendering him unconscious and breaking his nose. He stood and sneering down kicked him until the sickening sound of snapping ribs stopped him from kicking more.

He watched Hannah pull her legs together and sit up shaking, looking at him with her tear streaked face, clutching her clothing to cover her breasts.

"Hannah," he said her name softly and squatted down next to her. "Hannah, I am so sorry. This is my fault, I should have been more careful."

"Severus," she sobbed into his arms. "I hurt."

"I know," he rested his head on hers, not knowing what to do. "Do you have someplace to go? Somewhere he can't find you? Somewhere I can take you."

"I don't know," she said looking at her stepfather "I guess I could find my brother."

"I have to go Hannah, I cannot be here when they come," he looked at her and saw the hurt in her eyes. "Hannah, there are things you cannot understand, things I cannot tell you."

"They are coming," Lucius said, having just arrived at the doorway. "You need to be more careful which curses you cast my friend, they will be here any minute."

"What are you doing here?" Severus stood with Hannah behind him thinking to hide her state of undress from the older wizard.

He heard the sound of Apparation, and knew the Aurors were at the back of the house, alerted by the unforgivable he had cast. He nodded to Lucius and without turning, walked out the front door with him, leaving Hannah alone on the floor. He had not gone back to Spinners End for five years.

"It was my fault," he now said to Hannah, for the first time wondering if he had truly forgotten this or if Malfoy had used a memory charm on him after they had told him to leave her. "I should not have taken you as I did. I should not have left."

"Severus." Hannah said his name with a sigh.

"No, listen to me." Severus closed his eyes tightly, his arms braced against the bench. "If I had not taken you when I did, he would not have raped you."

"You blame yourself for this?" Hannah asked incredulously.

"Lucius and Narcissa, they said I should just let you go, that if…" his voice feel off as his breath left him, and his stomach sickened. "I was seventeen. I believed what they said. I didn't know how to help you."

"I think I always knew you really didn't care, not like I did." she said flatly. "I thought if I made love to you I could make you stay. I thought that I could make you love me. I guess at fifteen you think you know all the answers."

"Merlin Hannah," he said unable to look at her. "I blamed myself. I was seventeen and I blamed my self, and then I left you alone bleeding on the floor."

"How could you have helped?" Hannah asked softly.

"I cared for you," he said honestly. "In this world there are charms, and things I would have done to protect you."

"We were young Severus. You were seventeen and I just fifteen. We had no business playing with adult things."

"I have never been young." He stated flatly and at last turned around to look at her. "I did care for you.

You do remember what I told you that night at Spinner's End?" he said coldly, his demeanour changing. "Ask Albus for the rest of my list of horrors and see what you think a seventeen year old is capable of then."

"I am leaving Severus." She looked at him and heard the fact that he did care, and not that he still could. "That is all I came to say. That and I need to tell you that I love you. I have since I was thirteen."

Severus heard the words and turned back to his workbench, not knowing what to do, or what words to say.

"Severus," she said walking over and laying her hand on his back, and feeling no response she dropped her hand and walked away, knowing that he had let her go. She stopped on her way to the hall and slipped the amulet from her neck, and removed the hair combs he had given her years ago at Spinner's End, and leaving them behind her; she stepped out into the hallway and walked away.

Severus picked up his knife and began to chop the ingredients for his potion, pushing Hannah from his mind. He wanted to smash the vials that lined the shelves and throw the cauldrons against the wall. He heard her footfalls growing fainter in the hall, and knew that once she left he would not seek her out.

"Severus," Albus' voice came softly from behind him.

"I know why I am here," Severus said, reaching for the next ingredient he needed to prepare. "You once asked me why I was here."

"What have you learned since then, to now?" Albus said quietly.

"I ran away." Severus kept his head down to his task, although he could no longer see the root that he held in his hand through a blur he did not recognize as tears. "I have been running since."

"You can stop now." Albus knitted his brow together. "There is nothing more to run from, your father is dead."

"I ran from myself Headmaster." He sighed and set down his knife. "He was the excuse."

"Are you done now?" Albus asked.

"Obviously not," Severus replied remembering the sound of her footfalls growing softer. He picked up the knife and returned to his potion, determined to solve the puzzle in front of him.

"I will leave you to your work." Albus said then left the dungeons knowing the Severus would be lost in his work for the next few days as he came to the realization of what he had lost.

Two days before the start of term Severus and Albus walked in to St Mungo's and up to the ward of incurables. They had gained permission from the hospital to try the experimental potion on the Longbottom couple. Augusta Longbottom was there as Frank's legal guardian to oversee the treatment.

She peered at the Headmaster, "Albus, are you sure this will work?"

"No Augusta, alas I am not," Albus said sadly. "My Potions Master needs to test the potion, and we seek to help Frank and Alice."

"Mrs. Longbottom," Severus politely nodded to Augusta and taking her by the elbow seated her next to the bed they would be using to administer the potions. "I do not myself think this is a complete cure."

"Then why are you here?"

"Your son and his wife may give me the information I need to continue on with my research," he said honestly. "Without knowledge of how effective the potion is I do not know what else to do."

"Fine, but do not give it to Alice until we know for sure," she turned and looked at Albus. "He would never forgive me if I allowed harm to come to her."

"Understood," Albus smiled and patted her hand, then nodded to the healer who stood in the door. "Mr. Longbottom may join us now."

Two orderlies came in with a thrashing Frank Longbottom between them. He wore a jacket, with long sleeves that wrapped around him and fastened in the back. What looked like a Muggle straight jacket was actually charmed with protection spell to capture the mad wizard's magic before it created havoc in the hospital. They pushed him to the bed, and manacled his legs to stop to his escape, and a placed a silencing spell over him to quiet his screams.

"Is he overly agitated, or is this normal?" Severus asked looking Frank in the eyes and feeling Frank's desperation as he stared back.

"Normal."

Severus walked up to Frank and taking his head in both of his hands forced the wizard's head to face him.

"Mr. Longbottom," he said firmly. "Do you want this?"

Frank struggled against the touch of skin-to-skin and shuddered at the low voice at his ear, but Severus had seen his eyes, and recognized that the man behind the madness lived.

"We begin now," he said standing up. He handed Albus the first vial, then taking out his notebook nodded to begin.

"Mrs. Longbottom," he said, turning slightly to the old woman. "This will be a long day, and nothing at all is expected to happen. I would suggest you have lunch now, as later you may want to stay."

"You sound hopeful."

"I do not know your son, so my limited expectations may not meet yours. I have however felt the curse and hope to stop its pain."

"What of his mind?"

"I can only hope that his mind will no longer feel the pain." His eyes followed hers to her son as Albus poured the first vial down.

Severus noted the time and began the process of recording every minute detail of Frank Longbottom. After he administered the first potion, in six even does, each exactly one hour apart, he brought out the second potion.

Not until the fifth hour, with only one more dose left did Frank's manner change. The change was small, and hardly noticed, but Severus saw his tongue dart out and lick his lips and his eyes go to the glass. Severus's heart started beating wildly as he jumped up and grabbed the glass of water from Augusta.

"He is thirsty." Severus looked at Albus. "He recognized thirst."

Severus held up the man's head and brought the glass to his lips. He heard the deep sigh of satisfaction and a flicker in the man's eyes. By the end of the sixth hour Severus undid the jacket, and casting a containment spell on the man himself, he removed the abomination of a jacket.

Frank sat listless and dull. He no longer fought and screamed in pain as he attempted to scratch off his own skin. Severus knew he no longer felt the pain, but knew his mind had not been spared.

"I will keep looking Mrs. Longbottom," he sighed. "However, for now at least he is free."

"This is much more than I thought you could do." She stood and walked over to him grasping his hands.

"It is not enough," he said angrily, standing up and throwing down his quill. "Leave the rest of the potion for his wife Headmaster, she will fare the same."

In a flurry of robes, the Potions Professor stormed out of the room, feeling his failure again.


	24. Chapter 24

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 24**

* * *

"Albus, wake up old man." Severus was on his knees in front of the floo. He yelled for the old man for the last few minutes and fast becoming frustrated.

"My goodness, do you know what time it is?" Albus asked stretching his arms and yawning.

"It matters not. I need you down here now." Severus scowled.

"Are you sure this can not wait until morning?"

"No," Severus stood up and stepped back from the floo.

"This better be good," Albus complained, stepping into Severus's chambers as he saw Severus rush back into his lab.

"Are you coming?" Severus called back over his shoulder.

"Yes, yes, of course I am," Albus shook his head. "You do know that between the hours you keep and my work here as Headmaster I am exhausted."

"You could always release me from my oath," Severus looked up from his work bench smirking.

"Get on with it." Albus crossed his arms and waited.

"Here, I need you to transfer your magic to it, any small spell will work." Severus said placing his new potion on the table in front of Albus. "Just levitate it and put it back down, a thing any first year can do."

Severus stood and crossed his arms waiting until Albus pointed his wand and said a simple "_Wingardium Leviosa" _then grabbing the potion he replaced it with a niffler.

"Now," Severus said solemnly, "A simple _Curio _should do it. Hold it at least a full minute."

"A minute?" Albus frowned. "That much on such a tiny creature may well destroy its mind."

"Albus," Severus rolled his eyes, "if you would rather use an elf I shall call Millie."

Albus promptly lifted his wand and flung the curse at the niffler holding it the full-required length of time.

"Good, you may leave now." Severus hurried back and began doing calculations on a piece of parchment and nodding as the numbers matched what he had already checked several times before.

"Severus?" Albus looked at his Potions Professor. "It has been three years since you have given Frank and Alice some peace. Surely you have not been working on this since."

"I am close." Severus lifted the niffler and forced four drops of serum down its throat. "The secrete lies in the same magic that cast the curse must be present in the serum. I am sure of it."

"Severus, even if this is successful how would you capture Bella's magic?" Albus frowned, looking at the niffler.

"I can get close to her again." Severus looked up at him with a smirk. "Now either sit quietly of leave."

"Your lesson is only six hours off," Albus said, remembering how long the Longbottom cure had taken.

"The niffler is much smaller. The potion administered every two minutes. I should have shortened the time on Alice well. If I were to do it over fifty three minutes may result in a better outcome."

At the end of an hour, the niffler was becoming wary of Severus. When the wizard came close, it would try to scamper backward and made shill squeaking noises.

"I believe the mind is coming back." Severus smirked as he grabbed the thing and forced the last dose down its throat. The niffler lunged forward and nipped Severus's finger drawing blood, and then reared up on its haunches, angrily looking around before jumping off the table and seeking the darkness under the potions cabinet.

"I would deem that a success." Albus smiled.

"I should have recorded its temperament prior to the administration of the curse." Severus scowled at the dark space under the cabinet. "I need to know if the anger was normal for the niffler or a result of the potion. I will not bring someone back to turn them to the Dark Lord because they found madness a better solution than mindlessness."

"Now Severus," Albus chided. "I do no think that is a possibility."

"No? I think I can testify to the fact that if you instil enough anger and rage in anyone and they will run to him willingly."

"It is almost time for the morning meal, and I find myself famished," Albus said sighing. "This is a great thing you have accomplished Severus, but it time to let it rest."

"No Albus, it is time to test one more thing," Severus said bringing up a second cage. "Cast your Curio again."

"Was not the first time enough?" Albus was hesitant to cast the unforgivable even on a niffler.

"I need to see if a family relationship between magic and wizard is enough to infuse the potion." Severus stopped writing in his journal. "I will ask Aberforth to cast a spell on the potion. I want to know if Narcissa can give enough of Bella's essence to make the potion viable for Frank and Alice Longbottom."

Albus again took out his wand and pointed at the niffler, releasing his curse and holding it for the full minute.

"I see you now are fighting nifflers," a silkily voice came from the doorway as Shacklebolt entered the room. "The Ministry noticed that an unforgivable was cast. I have been sent to investigate."

"The absence of the Dark Lord bored the Headmaster," Severus said with a smirk. "He has found a new cause to fight."

"I see," Shacklebolt grinned. "May I tell the Ministry that he has once again saved the world?"

"That would perhaps be too hasty. The nifflers of the world yet might unite. The Ministry may establish a new division to fight them. However I would put my faith in the nifflers if I were to bet."

"Why were you sent Kingsley?" Albus said. He knew these two would keep up their banter until the sun rose if he did not step in.

"I was up and about. There have been problems in the Muggle world," the dark wizard said looking to Severus. "We had a call from near your old home."

"I have no knowledge of raids on Muggles," Severus said evenly. "As far as I know Malfoy is just filling the time to suit his own needs. He gathers the Death Eaters more to feel his own importance then to set forth an agenda."

"Then I may assume that this is nothing more than a Death Eater out for the evening?" Shacklebolt folded his arms and looked at Severus evenly.

"What was the nature of the attack?" Severus asked as he finished putting away his experimental journal and turned to the dark Auror.

"Malfoy and McNair decided to pay a visit on a certain Muggle. I believe the intent was just to scare her." He locked his eyes with the Potions Master. "This is the third such trip they have made."

"She no longer wears the amulet," Severus said flatly. "How are you notified?"

"Malfoy casts the Imperius Curse," Shacklebolt said not flinching under Severus's glare. "It seems he is satisfied to have her serve him drinks."

"She would be terrified," Severus said in a shallow voice picturing Hannah forced to serve her would be rapist.

"Yes," Shacklebolt said. "Malfoy has impeccable timing. As we walk in one door he goes out the other."

"Perhaps you could talk to her Severus." Albus suggested, hearing this for the first time.

"No, I will only add to her fears," Severus said turning toward his chambers. "If we are done I must get ready for the day."

Severus returned to his chambers and called for a pot of tea. He hurried through a shower and then wrapped in his bathrobe, sat down to enjoy the dark strong brew. Millie popped in twice while he sat in front of the fire, the third time he was quick enough to call her before she could leave.

"I know you want me to do something," he sneered at her. "Just say it."

"You need to see your Muggle," Millie said, holding her ears flat.

"First, she is not my Muggle," he huffed at the creature. "Second, there is nothing to be done."

"You need to see her," Millie repeated her self then held up Hannah's amulet. "You need to give her this."

"If she needs protection I am sure Shacklebolt will take care of her." Severus stood up to dress. "Out, you have wasted enough of my time."

Once Severus was dressed, he sat at his desk and graded papers to take his mind off what he did not want to think about. Grabbing his red ink pot and slashing angrily across the pages, he dispelled some to the anger that he felt ready to spill over.

He did not think of her any longer. He did not imagine her eyes, or smell her scent. If he happened to hear her laughter, he knew he was just imagining things, and when she visited his sleep and invaded his dreams, he threw himself into his work and forgot about her. It had been three years since he had seen her, and he would not allow his mind to remember her. He refused to see the madness again.

The rest of the term droned on with out interruption and the next blending with this. He seldom left the dungeons, and seldom wanted more than his lab and the silence he could find in his cold stone quarters.

He still worked on his reversing portion for Frank and Alice. Further tests had shown that whereas he could heal a niffler, higher life forms were not affected to any noticeable degree. He had pushed the potion and his notes back on the shelf where it had now sat for a year, seldom thinking about it and seldom doing more to find a cure.

He heard the knocking at his door as he stepped from the shower and drawing up his bathrobe walked over to answer it.

"Sir," a small First year stood. "Headmaster told me to bring this to you. An owl delivered it at morning meal."

"Thank you Mr Collins," he sneered, "you may return to your common room."

"Yes Sir," the young boy swallowed and gladly scampered off.

Severus broke the seal and unrolled the parchment, seeing the signature at the end he had to sit down to read the words.

_Dear Severus; _

_Please forgive my presumption in writing to you. I have need for your expertise. I would very much appreciate if you could visit at your convenience. I will understand if you refuse, but I beg you to come. I am, as always at Spinners End. _

_Regards,_

_Hannah_.

Five years had past since he had heard of her more than the passing comments made by Shacklebolt, eight years since he had seen her, but now he held her request in his hands. He wanted to refuse her, to throw the missive in the fire, to rage at her arrogance and to drink a whole bottle of the whiskey he had not touched in years. Each time he brought the bottle to his lips he thought of her, and how she pulled back from the smell, the smell that her stepfather had carried.

She would be in her early thirty's now. Older than he could picture her. She would have a life of her own, she only thought of him because she was in need. Eight years, he thought, eight years and a lifetime ago.

Yet as he raised the parchment to his nose, and smelled Spinners End, he knew he would go to her, and would see her eyes and wish he could do more. Tucking the parchment into his pocket and tossing his robes onto the back of a chair he walked to see the Headmaster to tell him he would need to have someone else take over his lessons until he returned.


	25. Chapter 25

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 25**

* * *

Severus stood on the pavement and looked up at the plain row houses that were Spinners End. Most of the houses were dark, only one other with any light coming from the windows to reflect off the wet cobblestone under his feet.

He had not been here for over nine years and felt at once comfortable and foreign. He felt comfortable knowing that at last he did not feel he belonged here. He was no longer part of Spinners End. He looked down at the corner house, dark an abandoned, and found no fear in it or the memories it held.

His long legged stride took him to the door quickly, and as his knuckles beat out a knock, he looked up and down the road, an old habit of to see if he was followed. He heard the latches inside as she threw them open, and smirked at the stupidity of Muggles, thinking a piece of metal driven into a two inch thick piece of wood could make them safe.

Hannah opened the door wide, looked up at him and smiled as he fought to breathe. She wore her hair pulled back at the temples and caught in combs near the crown of her head. Her eyes were as he remembered them. The line of her jaw and the set of her chin assured in way he had not seen before. She wore a plain pair of sleeping pants, tied at the waist and a loose tee that reached down over her hips.

"Miss Haywood," he said stiffly. "Forgive me for not advising you as to the time of my call."

"Severus," she frowned at him. "Must we be so formal? Has it been that long?"

"Forgive me, Miss Haywood, however I feel our time spent in the past has no relevance on the future." His voice was cold and practiced.

Hannah paused, glancing back into the house over her shoulder thinking this was a bad idea. She had not expected him to be warm and kind to her, but this greeting was colder than she had hoped.

"Professor Snap, where are my manners?" She smiled thinly and opened the door wider as she stepped aside. "Come in, please."

"What is this about?" Severus said standing just inside the door and looking at the small cramped space.

"Right to the point I see." She followed his eyes and saw her sitting room though his eyes. "Not much to look at I guess."

"I received your missive." He watched as she twisted her hands in the front of her shirt and looked up the stairs.

"Severus, please," she said her eyes filling with tears. "I have a son. He is almost three years old."

"Then I apologise as you are no longer a Miss Haywood. " Severus held his expression flat. "Congratulations are in order."

She looked steadily at him. "It is still Miss Haywood."

"It seems you still have the ability to find many a bed," he sneered before he could stop the words from falling out.

"This was a bad idea." She breathed quickly and pushed past him to reopen the door. "I know you don't want to be here."

She stood with the door open, looking away from him. "I needed help. I am sorry I bothered you."

"What is your urgent problem?" He raised his sleeve to pick of an imaginary piece of lint.

"He's dieing." She swallowed down the tears that were threatening to spill and fought to keep her voice even.

Severus looked at her and wanted to reach out and comfort her. Instead, he clasped his hands behind his back and looked down at her. He saw her hand that held the doorknob begin to tremble, only for her to hold on tighter.

"I would suggest you seek medical attention at one of the Muggle facilities, unless you wanted me here to transport you to St. Mungo's. Without knowing his parentage it is only a guess." He wanted to question her and know who she had been with, but knew he had lost that right eight years ago.

"I have already been to the doctors, and the hospitals, and every clinic between here and Dover." She looked up at him as tears began to fall. "They all say the same thing, but they have to be wrong. They have to be."

He reached over and took her hand from the door, closing it and looking at her. She stood with her back to the wall and her head lowered, scrubbing her eyes with the heel of her hands.

"I told my self I wouldn't do this when you came."

"What does he have?"

"Leukaemia. At least that's what they say, but maybe they're wrong, maybe they missed something."

"How long?"

"They said he had it little over a year ago." She walked into the sitting room and turned back to watch him. "He's upstairs. Please Sev… Professor. Would you just look at him and see if there is anything you can do? Remember when you healed my lip?"

"I am afraid this is more than an injured lip," he spoke calmly although his mind was reeling.

"I know, but you just did it with your wand, and I thought maybe you could just do something like that." She quickly crossed to him and laid her hands on his chest. "He is so little, he is just a baby."

"I can give you potions to manage his pain, and to help him keep his food down." He looked at her coldly, and turned back to the door.

"No, I don't want potions, I want my son."

"I am sorry, I must be leaving now." He knew there was nothing he could do, and by being here, he gave her false hope, hope she should not have.

"Is that all?" Her voice cracked as she tried to talk.

"I am sorry Miss Haywood," he said, wanting to reach out to her. "Cancers caught early in tumours, we can cure with a simple potion, or even remove with an incantation. This however, is beyond even our magic."

"But you make potions, you could find a way," she said, raising her voice and pleading with him. "I could pay, I only have a little saved but I could get more."

"I would suggest that you and the father make him comfortable," Severus spoke evenly. "It is all that is left to do."

"Father," she spat and turned away from him. "Sure, I will do that. Thanks for coming Professor. I won't take up your time."

She sat heavily on the edge of the sofa, wrapping her arms around her stomach and willing her self to breathe. She could no longer stop the tears and did not try. She felt cold and alone, and knew if he left her son would die.

"Miss Haywood, I can only recommend that you follow your doctor's course of treatment." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"I am sorry to have taken your time Professor," she said as she felt a cold fist gripping her chest looking behind him to the door and trying to think of what could make him stay.

"I will do anything you want." She jerked her head up and looked at him, and when she saw his face, she knew her inference was clear.

Severus stepped back from her and turned to the door.

"Severus," she called out to him. "I am sorry. I just don't know what to do. Please, he is all I have. Please, I have no one to turn to, no one to… no one."

Severus stopped at the door. He knew he should leave, just be done with this, and not open the old wound, but something made him turn around and face her again.

"I may as well see him while I am here," Severus said evenly.

"Yes, please." She jumped up and started running up the stairs. Severus followed remembering these stairs the last time he had followed her up. He could see the same way she lowered her head, and the same way her skirt brushed her legs and wished he could go back to that time and try to put things right.

At the top of the stairs, he stopped and watched as she walked into the room that had held the bookcase. He heard a soft laugh and the rustles of blankets and the squeak of child's toy he remembered as a sound from Draco. He frowned thinking their son would be almost ready to get his first Hogwarts letter if he had lived and quickly pushed the thought aside.

"Mum has someone for you to meet my little man," her voice came down the hall to him.

Severus walked to the doorway and looked in at the mother and son, for a moment letting the memory of what they once almost had, make this the son he had lost. He saw her hold the child on her hip and kiss the top of his head, the way he had seen Narcissa hold and kiss Draco. He felt his eyes begin to burn, as he fought not respond to the sight and the memories that still haunted him.

He looked around the room at once assessing the sparse decorations and sneered at the thought that this was the best she could do for a child she claimed to love. She should have done better, she should have chosen a father better suited to the life she and her son would want. He needed to get out, he needed to return to his world and leave this one far behind.

"This little fellow is my son." She beamed up at Severus.

"What is his name?" Severus said reaching for him as he had reached for Draco many times then quickly drew back.

"I call him Chunk." She smiled at him, trying to hide her tears, and pinched his chubby thighs.

"Chunk?" He scowled. "No, I think not. His name?"

"Tobias." She looked away suddenly busy with patting down the child's hair. "I gave him your middle name, I …"

"Miss Haywood?" Severus looked at her oddly.

"He tires easily, and is starting to lose weight." Hannah quickly changed topics. "The doctors say he has only a few months."

He stood silently looking at her and her child. Then Tobias peeked up at him from his mothers shoulder and smiled. Severus reached out and took him from Hannah.

"Then we will keep him comfortable and safe for those months he has," Severus said looking down at the boy he held. "Some did not even get this much time."

"Please Severus, not now," she wiped tears from her eyes. "I can't think of that now."

"Do you have any one to help you here?" he asked not looking at her but keeping his eyes on Tobias.

"No, not really. I have a friend at work; she sometimes will sit with him while I run errands. It helps."

"His father's family, do they help?" Severus looked at her with his eyes turning dark and unreadable.

"Severus, let it rest. I am sure he told no one of the baby."

"Do you still serve drinks for a living?" he sneered at her.

"I did for a while, and then…"

"You are between jobs again."

"I can't very well work and take care of…"

"What are you doing to pay the bills?"

"I have some put aside. I can…"

"You can keep the lies and tell me what I ask."

"Severus, we go to the hospital twice a week for his treatments, and then he has his doctor's appointments. " She explained. "The days after his treatments are the worse, we stay in all day. I had to quit, I cannot do this and work. I have a couple hundred pounds put away, and then I will have to…"

"No." Severus ranked his hand through this hair. "I will take care of the bills while he is …"

"No." She stepped forward and took Tobias from him. "Don't say it, don't even say it."

"I meant only to provide you a way to stay in this house while he is ill," Severus hissed at her.

"Until he dies? Is that what you are saying? I didn't ask you here for that!"

"What did you expect?" he frowned at her. "You know better then this. You are not ignorant of my world, or its limitations."

"I want my son Severus, I just want him." She pushed Tobias back to Severus as she ran from the room. He heard the bathroom door shut behind her and then the sound of water.

She cupped cold water in her hands and lowered her head. She never acted this way in front of Tobias and knew she would only scar him if she had not already. She slid to the ground and leaned over the toilet as she vomited.

Severus put Tobias back on his cot and went to help Hannah. He could hear her retching and knew she had given up any pretence of bravery in front of him. He opened the door and saw her kneeling on the floor with her head lowered. He reached up and grabbed a flannel, held it under the running water and placed in on the back of her neck.

"Hannah," he said reverting to her first name. "I am truly sorry."

"Gods Severus, this can't be happening. I sometimes think I will die before he does. It hurts so bad." She put her hand over her mouth to cover her sobs.

"I will get potions for his pain, and to help after his treatments. They will ease his nausea and allow him to eat with out becoming ill."

"They said he has only five months."

"I will leave a port key. It will allow you to go to Poppy. Each time you go she will reactivate it for your next trip and give you one to get home."

"I don't see how it could possibly work, and the travel would be too hard on him."

Severus helped her to her feet and returned to pick up the sleepy boy, setting him on his hip and walking downstairs.

"Severus," she quickly ran after him. "What are you doing?"

"I am taking him downstairs," he said stating the obvious. "We need to talk about you living at Hogwarts."

"We can talk here," she looked around and grabbed a blanket following him, knowing once his mind was set he would not change it.

"Fix a pot of tea while I examine you son," he walked into the sitting area and set the child down on the rug in the centre of the room.

Tobias stood in his footed pyjamas looking up at the dark stranger. He stuck his thumb in his mouth and rubbed his eyes with his free hand. Severus had his hands clasped behind his back as he scowled down at the two year old wondering how to start.

"You two are quite the picture you know," Hannah's voice broke Severus's concentration.

"You were told to fetch tea," he said coldly. "I would suggest you do so."

He turned back to Tobias and then with a sigh he dropped down to his knees.

"Mr Haywood," he said to the toddler. "I mean to access the progression of your illness. You will be only mildly discomforted."

Hannah heard them from the kitchen and could not help but laughing at the manner he was taking with a child that barely reached his knees. Setting the water on to boil she peeked around the doorway to watch.

Severus took out his wand and made a pass over Tobias's head, bringing two small eyes to the wand. A chubby little hand reached out and grabbed the shinny plaything with a peel of laughter. Severus snatched it back a second before it replaced the thumb as the taste of choice.

"That was most inappropriate," he frowned at the boy. "We will try this again."

"Was sat?" Tobias said pointing to the wand.

"This Mr Haywood is what the doctors use to see illness," he explained in a manner he thought the lad would understand.

"No doctor." Tobias stuck his thumb back in his mouth, narrowing his eyes as Severus.

"Listen Tobias, I will say this once," Severus took on his schooled voice that he used in class. "When I count to three you will remove your thumb and open your mouth so I can look inside."

"One," he readied his wand.

"Two," he said as his wand took the required position.

"Three," he said seeing the thumb unmoving in the mouth, the boys cheeks pulling in and out as he sucked.

"Did you not hear me boy?" He asked with an air of defeat, as he watched the boy nod.

Again, he raised the wand, and held the position. He knew what do now.

"What did I say boy?" Severus smirked, waiting for the boy to say three. Instead, he saw the wand grabbing hand raise in the air to show him three fingers.

"Severus?" Hannah said from the doorway her laughter spilling out. "He can't count yet."

"He knows three," Severus said with a sneer, she knew was a pout.

"Everything is three, I told him next month he was going to have a birthday," she laughed looking at his face. "We have been practicing how to say three."

"He needs more practice," Severus turned to look a Hannah as Tobias pulled the thumb out from his mouth.

"Three," the little voice finally piped up, then shoved his thumb back in his mouth.

"I think I need help," Severus spat out, glaring at the child in front of him.

"Let me just grab the tea," she smiled, and then became serious. "Severus, this is what it would be like, if I were to come with you. It would be like this every day."

Severus turned back and looked at Tobias, who again stood rubbing his eyes. He reached down and picked him up crossing over to sit on the sofa. He did not think he would mind. He thought of laughter filling the dungeons and the smell of her, wrapped in the smell of her son. He did not think he would mind it at all. He often envied Lucius his son and looking at Tobias thought, he would not mind the company at all.

Hannah walked in with the tea, balanced on a tray with biscuits and a small glass of milk. She stopped watching Severus peering into the boy's mouth as Tobias played with his hair. Then turning the boy around Severus made several more passes of the wand, and slowly looked up at Hannah.

"How…," she started.

"A trick, Narcissa used it with Draco," he said with colour actually rising to his face.

"And what would that be Severus," she grinned thinking she already knew.

"I said please," he ground out refusing to look at her. Then he stood up and walked to the kitchen.

"Millie," he called, and turned as the elf popped in.

"I want you to go to the kitchens and bring me some goat's milk," he crossed his arms and looked at the elf. "Make sure it is fresh. If Miss Haywood does not accompany me back you will bring a fresh jug every morning."

"Yes Master," the elf winked out, returning in a few moments with a fresh jug of milk.

"Severus," Hannah looked at him confused. "I have plenty of milk."

"He has an allergy to cow's milk," Severus scowled. "I am not surprised his doctor missed it, his reaction to his medication is masking many problems."

"Will he be able to eat better now?" Hannah asked hopefully.

"No, I am afraid not. What he does eat may stay in his stomach a little longer," he sighed, knowing the medication made the child vomit up his food. "Perhaps if it stays in him a little longer there may be a benefit."

"Now fix him a bottle, and let him sleep," Severus said to Hannah indicating the jug.

"He is off the bottle. It took me a long time to get him to sleep with out one."

"Hannah," he said walking over to her. "The boy still sucks his thumb, if this will give him comfort in the time he has left let him have his bottle, it is a small thing."

Hannah turned to the kitchen shelf and reached down one of the unused bottles. Her hands were shaking, trying to pour the milk from the jug.

"Hannah," he said walking up behind her, wanting to hold her. "You can't let him see you like this. He will pick up on your fear."

"My mum," Tobias said reaching up and pulling on Severus's trousers. "My mum."

"Yes Chunk," Hannah said reaching down to him surprised when he turned from her and buried his face in Severus's trousers.

"Well, that is a fine how do you do," she said, looking at Severus.

"No my dear." He smirked as he grabbed the bottle from her and bent to scoop up the child. "That is good taste."

Hannah waited in the sitting room while Severus returned Tobias to bed with a bottle. She kept looking to the stairs wondering what was keeping him. When she heard him on the stairs, she jumped up and went over to him.

"He is fine Hannah," Severus said smirking. "He is asleep. I wanted to use the time to finish the examination."

"What did you find?" She asked.

"There is very little of his bone marrow that is functioning correctly. However I will need a true Healer to verify this," he said tipping up her chin and looking into her eyes. "Hannah, I can not hold out false hope. I will do what I can, but that may only be to make him comfortable."

"No," she said rushing to her desk and opening the top draw. "Look at this. I have all these brochures about treatments. They are not available here, but you could take him, you could take him to one of these.

Severus looked down at the pamphlets she had thrust in his hands and heard the desperation in her voice. St Mungos kept up with Muggle treatments, and had looked into the same claims that she now held in her hands. He knew the claims were false, only looking to how much money they could make off heartsick mothers.

"No, these are not cures Hannah," he reached out to stroke her hair. "They are only to prey on your hope, they will do nothing."

"Look, this one is from Sweden, you could take him there. Or this, look this one is in Mexico. I know it is further but the way you…"

"Stop Hannah," he said, cutting her short. "None of these work."

"Then I will thank you for coming Severus," she said walking to the door and opening it for him. "If all you can offer is more pain killers and more useless medicine I will keep looking. You have been more then kind coming like this, but he won't die. I won't let him."

"I am sorry, Hannah," he said softly, "For you and your son."


	26. Chapter 26

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 26**

* * *

Severus went directly to the hospital ward to talk to Poppy about his findings and then at her suggestion made a trip to St Mungo's to talk to the healers. He found that research had been on going, although very few successes were able to walk out.

"Professor, this is not a malady that effects our world much." Healer Donovan told him honestly. "We do what we can, however our budget does not allow nearly as much work on this disease as we would like."

"Would you be willing to release your research to me?" Severus knew if he started at the beginning he would not have enough time to find a cure. The only hope he had to help Tobias was to build on what they already had.

"That is not done. The researchers hold the information very close." The healer frowned. "If a cure is found, St. Mungo's gets the credit. The sale of the potion alone would support this hospital for years and set the careers for whoever discovers it."

"I ask for no compensation." Severus stood and started pacing. "I have a personal interest in this."

"Albus may have a say in this." Healer Donovan cautioned. "I understand that your contract with us is under his control. He may be able to pull a few strings."

"I will get his release and you will provide me what I ask for." Severus said walking to the door.

"This is an expensive project Professor," the healer said. "One that the hospital is ill equipped to fund."

"I have not asked, nor do I expect funding in this project." He sneered coldly as he left the office to seek out Albus.

Now he had to convince the old man to release him from his teaching contract and from his lessons for the rest of the term. He could not get Hannah's voice out of his mind as she had pleaded for her son's life, and he could not get the memory of hearing of his own lost son from his memory.

.

.

.

"Severus," Albus said pacing. "I have no problem with releasing you to work on the portion, nor would I object for the full proceeds to go to St. Mungo's, however who would take over your lessons?"

"Albus," Severus said as he ran his hands through his hair. "Her son only has a few months before his bone marrow completely shuts down. Once that happens there is nothing left to cure."

"You have not even seen the research that St. Mungo's has," Albus said honestly. "Perhaps they have nothing to build on and you will but waste you time."

"I have to try." Severus looked at Albus knowing he sounded like a begging fool. "I can't leave her like this. I can not leave that child like this."

"I believe you can answer my question at last." Albus looked at him with his eyes twinkling. "May I ask you again?"

"What are you talking about old man?" Severus asked coldly.

"The first time you could not find and answer." Albus reminded him of their meeting years before. "Then, you mistakenly thought you were running away. Let me ask you again then. Why are you here?"

Severus looked at him unable to think of an answer and only shook his head. Albus sighed and leaned back in his chair studying the wizard in front of him.

"At Seventeen you faced decisions a grown wizard could not have easily made." Albus peered over his glasses. "It took me a long time to see Minerva's point of view, but once I did it was obvious even to me."

"What, pray tell, was her point of view," Severus said nastily.

"That you made the choices of a man with the knowledge of a boy." Albus said simply. "When most boys are dreaming of the future you could not see one. You thought the dark arts would replace a family and give you something you had never had."

"Tell me, when you visited Hannah this evening, what did you want." Albus smiled. "It is the answer you know."

Severus stood up and glared at the old man, wanting to pull his wand again, as he had before.

"When you left her with her father that night, what did you want then?" Albus threw the question out and waited for Severus to answer.

"I wanted to bring her here." Severus could not put aloud what he had been unable to say for years. "I wanted to protect her. I was afraid to bring a Muggle."

"So, as in our first meeting, if I were to ask you again," Albus said once more. "Why are you here?"

"I wanted a home," Severus looked up at Albus all pretence gone, "and I wanted her in it, I wanted to protect her, and keep her safe."

"Now," Albus grinned, "go get your witch and bring her home. We will find a teacher for your lessons. You must supply the lesson plans and I am afraid still over see the advance classes for their N.E.W.T. exams, it is the best I can do."

"That time is past Albus." Severus smirked. "I was a child, a child of seventeen. I am no longer that person. I will bring her here only until the boy is healed or dies." Severus replied coldly.

"If you bring them here you will be responsible. We do not set our selves up as our brother's keeper only to be rid of them when our own needs are fulfilled."

"It is not my need but the boys." He sneered at the Headmaster.

"Is it not?" Albus said softly. "I think we all have the need to help those we love. Admit it or not, Severus, the fact is that you wanted to bring her here at a very young age and you have wanted it ever since."

"Stay out of it Albus." Severus ranked his hand through his hair. "I know what I was like eight years ago. I would have destroyed her, and now it's too late."

.

.

.

Severus found himself back at Spinners end and walked quickly to the house. Knocking on the door the waited, then knocked again before hearing the sound of steps coming toward the door.

Hannah opened the door with Tobias on her hip. She stepped back in surprise and opened the door for him.

"Hannah," he said cursing himself for waiting until now to figure out what to say.

"My Mum," Tobias smiled at Severus as he slapped Hannah on the shoulder. "I three."

"Yes, this is your mother and you will be three." Severus smirked at him and then turned his eyes to Hannah.

"My Mum bad," Tobias reached out to grab Severus's arm.

"Really?" Severus saw Hannah roll her eyes. "Why is your Mum bad?"

"No bisk." He looked intently at Severus.

"He means…." she started.

"I know what he means." Severus took Tobias from Hannah and walked into the kitchen. Then following Tobias' pointing finger, he found the biscuit tin.

"Severus, I do not allow sweets whenever he wants them." She crossed her arms and let her disapproval known.

"Since he can not keep food down and is losing weight I think it necessary to allow him to eat more often. If he is hungry that is a good sign, when his appetite falls off, that is when you worry." Severus had already handed one biscuit to Tobias who then pointed again at the tin.

"Two," Tobias said grinning.

Severus looked at him raising an eyebrow, then took the biscuit, broke it in two and put one-half in each of his hands. Tobias grinned and took one bite out of each one in turn.

"You have spent time around little ones before." She smiled at him.

"I do have a Godson. Draco is older, almost eleven now."

"Severus, why did you come back?" She asked.

"It appears it is a good thing I did." He frowned looking down at Tobias. "Why did he wake?"

"His meds. Every four hours, sometimes he falls right back to sleep, other times he wants to stay up for a while."

"When he is at Hogwarts he will be off his Muggle medications and able to sleep the night." He looked at her waiting of the objections to start.

"Hogwarts?" She began twisting her tee as she had before.

"Hannah, he has six months at the most." He watched her eyes and saw that although she knew this, to hear it aloud quickened her breath and brought the fear to her eyes again.

"Severus, not now." She turned and left the room.

"Listen to me," he walked up behind her with Tobias still in his arms.

"Not now," she whispered. "He needs to be asleep when we talk."

Severus sighed and pulled out his wand. With a simple pass over the child's head, Tobias fell forward on his chest and fell asleep.

"Fine, he is sleeping," Severus smirked. "Just a harmless spell Narcissa taught me."

"Oh my god." She rolled her eyes. "What a cheat."

"Now, what is wrong?" he asked.

"I don't want him to see me cry," she said looking at Tobias. "I try real hard, but sometimes I just have to walk away. Now, tell me why you came back. You made it clear a few hours ago that you couldn't help."

Severus nodded, and then took Tobias upstairs and laid him on this bed, returning to Hannah where she waited on the sofa.

"You will…, I want you …," he stammered, looked at her and scowled.

"I have known you for longer then I have not, and I have never seen you at loss for words." She chuckled at him. "Well once, I think you were around twelve and that big old owl you had flew through the window."

Severus felt his lip twitch as the memory came back to him.

"It was not an owl. I thought I could train a falcon to deliver mail." He smirked looking at her hesitantly. "I did not know that a falcon would not deliver mail but would be intent on catching my mother's canary."

"I remember your mother standing on the top step screeching at you and you standing there with your mouth hanging open." She laughed, and then started to guffaw. "That was the same year you tied a baseball to an owl, but the string broke and put out your fathers windscreen."

"I was thirteen, you would have been eleven," he said looking at her with a sheepish smirk.

"Oh my God Severus." She kept laughing. "You were always into something. Remember that time the whole place stunk like cat piss, something you were making in the back yard went wrong."

"Hannah, I want you and Tobias to come back with me. I want to try to find a cure." He turned to her suddenly serious.

"You don't need me there to find a cure Severus."

"I said that poorly. I want to take you back for Tobias to have the medical care he needs."

"You have not seen me for five years Severus. A lot has happened in that five years," she said softly.

Severus stood and began to pace, then walking over he took Hannah's hands and pulled her to her feet. Looking at her and seeing her shift her eyes he grabbed her chin and forced her face to his.

"Look at me Hannah, and be honest with me," he said afraid to breathe. "Do you still care for me?"

"Yes," she said softly meeting his eyes. "I don't know if it is real or just what I used to dream when I was a child. But, yes, I still care for you."

"That is all I need to know. Nothing that has happened in these last eight years would have made a difference." He held her chin tightly not knowing how to say what he wanted.

"I have a son Severus, I am sure you…"

"No, stop this," he said darkly. "Do you love his father?"

"I don't think…," she stammered.

"Did you?" He scowled at her. "Do you still?"

"No," she breathed her answer; closing her eyes and feeling tears run down her cheeks. "I only…,"

"Then it does not matter and we will not speak of it." Severus pulled away just far enough to look into her eyes. "Come home with me. Let me take care of you and the boy until I can no longer help him."

"Severus, I don't know." She tried to pull away but he held her tight. "I can't decide, I need time."

"No, Hannah." He laid his forehead against hers again. "This time it is just for you. Do not think of what your brother wants, or even Tobias, do not do this. Just think of you for once, not even me, not my world or yours, just what you want."

"I once asked you to stay with me the night." She closed her eyes. "I don't know if I can do that again."

.

"What do you want?" he asked feeling his breath tighten in his chest.

"I don't know," she whispered. "I want him well, I want a home, I want …,"

"Then you will come home with me, you and your son." He shook his head when she started to protest. "I will do this as a friend. Nothing more."

"Severus." She looked toward the stairs where Tobias was. "Are you sure?"

"I never say anything I do not mean, you need to learn that. Now sit, we have much to talk over, you need to understand what happens next."

He explained that Tobias would be taken off all Muggle medicine, and turned over to Poppy for his daily care. He explained that he would try to find a cure, but felt it was a hopeless quest. He explained that they would live a Hogwarts, and the fact that they would have to stay out of sight. He told he her would lease a home for her as soon as he could, but it may be several months.

"Now, you have agreed to come home with me, this is what you would be agreeing to." He scowled at her.

"His medicine, I don't know Severus, it is all we have," she said worrying her lip.

"I will not put him through that. If it could save him I would not hesitate, but to watch him endure what will come, only to succumb anyway I will not abide." Severus said coldly.

"I am scared Severus." She lowered her head. "I am afraid to lose him."

"Make your decision," he said flatly.

"I already did," she said, standing up and going over to him. "You need to make me one of your Wizard promises."

"If I can."

"If this does not work, if you are unable to cure him," she looked at him steadily, "you are not to blame yourself."

"Hannah….,"

"No Severus, I know how you get. I don't think I can stand losing one, but if I loose two of you to this, I don't think I could take it. If we are going to try this, we do it right."

"I do not mean to try Hannah." He took her by the arms roughly. "I plan on doing it right this time. I will give my promise, but at least give me the ability to try. It has taken me almost ten years to get to this place in my life, I won't lose it now."


	27. Chapter 27

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 27**

* * *

Albus had a second set of chambers added to the dungeons, affording Hannah and her son their own entrance for modesty's sake. Her chambers consisted of only a small kitchen and two bedrooms, and a bath, a disappearing doorway connecting her chambers to Severus. All magical objects in Severus' side were set up high on shelves to keep out of the small hands that would now be free to roam.

"I never thought I would live to see this." Minerva looked around the dungeon as Poppy cast wards against the darker books on Severus' bookcase. "I must say it is about time he found some happiness."

"That remains to be seen Minerva," Poppy said. "You know as well as I do how he takes failure, and this relationship will not last."

"Well, at least for now we can be happy for him." Minerva sniffed. "We should be gone before he gets here, I am sure he does not want an audience."

"You are quite right, however late," Severus smirked as he walked in carrying Tobias in one arm while holding the door open for Hannah with the other.

"Minerva," Hannah said, "You look just the same, it is good to see you again. And Poppy, I am glad it is you that will be caring for Chunk, I feel better just knowing you are still here."

"Chunk?" Poppy looked at the boy as Severus scowled down at Hannah.

"Severus does not like his nick name," Hannah tried to smile as she looked nervously around.

Poppy looked up at Severus and glared. "Until he puts his name behind the child's first he has no say in it. Now give me Chunk so I can start his chart."

"Poppy," Severus said as a warning.

"I need to unpack." Hannah left the room quickly reddening at Poppy's statement and Severus' quick response.

"Poppy, I will not stand for your treating Hannah with anything other than respect." He crossed his arms and staring at her.

"I can not pretend to sanction this arrangement," Poppy said taking the boy from him. "I will be professional and do the best I can, but do not ask me to give my approval."

"We do not need your approval," he spoke with a slow, low voice. "I would not expect this from you. I did not ask for her quarters to be connected to mine, nor did I indicate that this was anything other than an arrangement for the child's medical needs."

"I am sorry Severus," she said looking down at the boy that was struggling to get away from her. "Perhaps his mother should join us until he gets used to me."

"I will bring them to you in the morning. In the mean time, consider what I said. I am willing to leave Hogwarts if this becomes a problem."

Poppy turned and walked out muttering something under her breath that Severus understood to be a reflection of his personality traits. He smirked and shook his head watching her leave.

"Severus, you will do no such thing," Minerva said flatly. "Hannah is more than welcome here. You knew that you would face kind of attitude. Poppy will give the boy her best care regardless of her feelings toward this."

"I did not expect this from her." Severus ran hand through his hair. "Hannah is not here two minutes and she is treated to this. This arrangement, as you call it, is for the boy's sake."

"Master," Severus looked down to see Millie hopping from one foot to the other. "Is this for me?"

Severus looked at the elf and then at Tobias who sat on his hip smiling down at the elf and clapping his hands.

"Well," Minerva looked at the clapping boy. "No fear in that one."

"No Millie, he is not for you. However you may help Hannah with him." Severus looked down at Tobias and then bent over and set the boy on the floor in front of Millie.

Millie smiled warmly and clapped her hands much to Tobias' amusement who smiled and clapped in return.

"I will takes care of young Chunk Snape." Millie smiled as Severus rolled his eyes.

"Well," Minerva swallowed her smile. "There you have it . Mr Chunk Snape, another one in Poppy's camp."

"Minerva?" Again, Severus took the tone of the adult figure in the situation.

"Talk to Millie then," Minerva said turning to leave. "Good luck, she has been yours since your birth and you have yet to win an argument with her."

"Millie," Severus scowled. "His name is Tobias, not Chunk, and it is not Snape."

"Yes, Master," Millie said, lowering her ears and nodding.

"His last name is Haywood," Severus said pleased that Millie seemed to understand.

"Yes, Sir," Mille said blinking and looking up to Severus.

"Now, take him and show him where his room is." Severus looked around, not sure where the room was himself.

"Come that name that I call Chunk," Millie said, reaching for the lad's hand. "I shows the new Snape his room, Haywood no good for wizards."

"Good Merlin," Severus said shaking his head. He had lost again.

He went into Hannah's side of the joined chambers. He needed to talk to her and make sure she understood the arrangement was not his doing. He found her in her bedchamber standing at her bed, unpacking her suitcase while Tobias' small case still sat on the floor.

"Hannah?"

She spun around and looked at him as her face crumbled and she sat down heavily on the side of the bed.

"She looks at me like I am…" She could not finish the sentence as she lowered her head into her hands and cried.

Severus went over to her and pulled her to her feet and bringing her face up to look at him. "Hannah, she said that more for my benefit than yours. Do not let her upset you."

"She makes me feel like a tart. Like I am only here because I want to …"

"No, Hannah."

"I really thought his father loved me. I thought that this time it was different. She makes me feel like a whore or…"

"You don't need to do this." Severus let her go and stepped back. He did not want to hear about Tobias' father.

"I know, I just don't want you to think … I am not the same as I was before. Since I left here, I only had him. He told me that he…,"

"I told you that does not matter." He raked his hand through his hair and looked away from her.

"Yes, yes it does. You need to understand." She went to him and rested her hand on his back. "I was lonely. He was there and seemed so nice. He said all the right things, and I think he really meant to try. But when I was pregnant he just couldn't handle it."

She lowered her hand and went back to unpacking, keeping her face away from him. "He wanted me to get rid of it. He said later, when we could afford a child, we would have a family. But all I could think about was the child we lost. I kept thinking about him."

She sat down on the bed again and looked up at him. "Sometimes when things get rough and I can't afford everything I want for him, and I see him like he is now I wish he was yours. Then maybe he would have someone else to love him. Someone that would be around for him."

"We were too young." Severus closed his eyes and tipped his chin up to the ceiling, unable to turn to her.

"I know, and you scared me."

He spun around to look at her. "Scared?"

"The whiskey and how you made me feel when I smelled it on you." She looked at her lap and twisted her hands together. "That's how my step father smelled when he…"

He was to her in a few quick strides and pulled her up to his arms. Holding her close he rested his chin in her hair and felt how she leaned into him.

"I am sorry Hannah, I never knew."

"Severus?" She pulled back and looked up at him. "Do you drink as much as …"

"No, not for a long time." He smirked down at her. "Now go check on your son. Millie has a fondness of feeding little boys disgusting treats."

"Treats?" She started for the door glancing back over her shoulder.

"Don't ask." He laughed as she quickened her pace as he thought of cake and clotted cream.

.

.

.

Severus worked in his lab while not holding lessons. He would return late at night, long after Hannah and Tobias were asleep to fall asleep in his chair by the fire. His dreams had stopped. He no longer saw whispers of the past on his eyelids, or turned to see a shadow watching him from around a corner. He was at ease and content in his quarters for the first time since he had come to Albus and asked for redemption.

He left the rooms long before they woke, leaning over books at a table in the restricted area of the library, or reading over his notes in the lab. He hurried through his lessons only to return to his private work, standing over the caldron for long hours, broken only by the nights he had patrol. His weekends were taken up with trips to St Mungo's, and visits to Muggle Doctors familiar with this world.

"Severus?" Hannah stood behind him in the library one morning. "I thought I would find you here."

"What do you want?" He did not look up from the book.

"I am sorry to bother you." She turned and began to leave.

"Hannah."

"Yes, Severus?" She stopped and turned back to see him scowling at her.

"I did not mean it like it sounded." He stood, casting a look back at the text on the table. "I get rather one minded when I read."

"It is Tobias' Birthday. I told him you would be there." She worried her lip. "I shouldn't have told him that, but … well, he keeps asking for you."

"If you tell Millie she can arrange of a cake or what ever he wants from the kitchen," he scowled at her.

"I know that, she had already promised him his favourites, and a chocolate cake. I was just hoping you could join us for dinner."

"I will try, I have to see Poppy about his records after dinner."

"She will be there. She and Minerva promised to come." She looked more hopeful. "It is hard for him you know, living in the dungeons. He does not ask for much any more."

"I saw his chart last week. He is not losing weight." He glanced back at the book. "I assume the potions Poppy has are helping him."

"As far as eating," she looked down. "She said the bruising is normal for his condition."

"Hannah." He walked over to her and lifted her chin. "I know this is hard on you, but I never promised. I never said this would be easy."

"I know."

"Hannah?" He brought her face up higher to look into her eyes.

"He just wants to be three." Her eyes filled, as she fought not to cry. "All he has been talking about is three. I don't have a present for him, but if you come he won't care."

"I will be there. Send Millie if I get wrapped up and loose time."

"Thank you." She reached up and kissed his cheek before hurrying away.

Severus watched after her, and then returned to the table where he took up the book and began taking notes again. He felt no closer now than he had when he started his quest. Each time he thought he was near, he found his mistake, or the mistake in the previous research and started over. He was once again at the beginning and knew that if he were diverted again he would not have the time he needed. By his time frame, he only had three months left.

He only had two lessons that day, the first years and then a double in advanced potions. He prepared to head down to the classroom but at the last minute turned to the infirmary to speak to Poppy. Not finding her in her office, he picked up Tobias' file that she kept in a hanging rack next to her door. Taking the file to a chair near the window in her office, he sat down and began it read.

He had gone over the daily logs of the past week when Poppy came in to find him.

"Couldn't wait?" She seemed upset to see him in her office.

"You were not here. I needed to bring my self up to date," he spoke to her stiffly as he stood and placed the file back in the rack.

"If you were to see him you would not have to read his file." She crossed her arms and glared at him.

"I do not have time to play children's games. I am busy."

"When was the last time you saw the boy?"

Severus looked at her without answering, trying to remember. "You should be happy I am not in the quarters. You are the one that seemed to disapprove of the relationship."

"Severus, I am sorry. It was a normal reaction." She shook her head at him and hung her cloak by the door. "I guess I am old fashioned, but bringing her to your quarters, during term, with students about, it is not right."

"I am not the one who chose her rooms. I brought her here only to help her with her son. It was you and Minerva I found redecorating my quarters when I returned."

"Are you saying that she is nothing to you?"

"I am telling you to mind your own business." He stood and walked to the door. "The boy is weakening. What have you told Hannah?"

"She doesn't listen." Poppy took the file from the rack. "She wants to believe he is getting better."

"You have not led her to believe that I hope."

"Of course not, but he is sleeping better, he keeps his food down, and until lately has been full of energy." She looked up at him sadly. "How is the research going?"

"Not well. I am no closer now than I was before." He turned and headed back to his classroom to prepare for the first lesson, only to stop again and turn to the owlery. He sent a short missive then hurried to his lesson.

By the time Millie was pestering him to return to his Chambers for dinner he was still pacing outside by the main gates. Shortly a pop came behind him and he spun to see Molly Weasley.

"Madam," he greeted her with a bow. "I hope you forgive my forwardness. However, I am not experienced in this."

"Oh my goodness," she smiled warmly at him. "It's no problem at all. If anyone should know what to buy for a three year old, it would be me. Your owl gave me quite a start."

"I again thank you." He took the packages she held out for him.

"How are the twins doing?" She worried her lip and looked at him.

"They are, shall I say spirited?" he smirked seeing her face.

"Now really Professor." She narrowed her eyes.

"You should talk to Minerva. She is their head of house." He tried to be diplomatic.

"That bad, yeah?" She shook her head then smiled warmly. "Ronald will be starting next year, and then little Ginny."

"Wonderful," he intoned with a sneer.

"Seven in all." She beamed. "Minerva said you have fit in very nicely here."

"She is being kind." He clenched his teeth.

"Percy says you are a fine teacher."

"He is," he paused desperately thinking, "persistent."

"Well, how nice of you." She beamed again. "I have dinner on, so I shall just be popping off now."

"Again I thank you for this." He indicated the gaily-wrapped packages in his arms.

Molly smiled as she stepped back and spun back to the Burrow.

"One word out of you and you will be looking for a new Master," he glowered at Millie who stood looking up at him.

"Yes Master." Millie was hopping from foot to foot.

"Now what?" He sneered at her.

"Missus Master be angry." Millie looked around nervously.

"Angry?"

"She waits." Millie jerked her head toward the castle.

"Then I would suggest that we go." Severus started toward the castle carrying the packages, and then suddenly thrust them at Millie. "Here, take them to my chambers."

He continued walking hoping no one had seen his exchange with Molly. If Hannah and her son were to be kept out of sight it would not do to have him seen with a child's birthday presents in his arms. He reached the stairs as Albus stepped out.

"Professor," Albus said. "I am afraid that I must begin to call upon your oath shortly."

"My oath?" Severus stopped and frowned at Albus.

"I have evidence that the Dark Lord is planning a come back." Albus stepped closer to him. "It begins."


	28. Chapter 28

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 28**

* * *

Hannah rushed to meet Severus when he arrived in the chambers. She took his robes and hung them by the door. Handing him a glass of pumpkin juice she took his elbow to lead him into the sitting room.

"Dinner will be ready any minute. Poppy and Minerva are already here."

"Hannah, I have to be quick. Albus needs to see me," he said quietly.

"It won't take long. Just eat, have some cake and leave."

"Hannah, you don't under…"

"Yes Severus, I really do." She turned hearing the others coming into the room, and smiled at them, leaving Severus alone to watch after her.

"So little man," she said to Tobias. "Did you show off your new comforter?"

"Yep." Tobias climbed up of the sofa. He stood on the cushions, looking at Severus as he held up his hand with three fingers prominently displayed. "I'm three."

Severus scowled at him. "You are also standing on the furniture. I would suggest that you put your feet on the floor."

Tobias looked at Severus, returning his scowl, then sat down, slid to the floor and ran to Severus grabbing his leg and looking up.

"I having party. We gots cake. We gots Millie cake."

"Who left Millie in charge of the cake?" Severus looked up from Tobias' face and saw Minerva grinning.

"Come on Fessor." Tobias pulled on his hand. "You come to?"

"I am here," he frowned looking down at the boy.

"Really Severus, no need to be angry." Minerva chided him. "It is only dinner."

"Yep," Tobias said running to the floo where he fell to his knees and called Millie.

Severus followed the boy to the floo and squatting down, took his chin in his hand and turned him so he could look at his face more closely. He ran the pad of his thumb over the thin skin of his temple the stood and looked at Poppy.

"Not now Severus," she nodded toward Hannah.

"What?" Hannah said seeing their look. "Oh, he has a little rash. I guess he must have gotten into something. At first I thought it was a heat rash…"

"Does he have the same rash on the inside of his …?"

"Severus!" Poppy said. "Why don't we just eat and talk later."

"Fine. Millie, I believe there is something in my room."

"Yes Master." She ran off to collect the gifts, piling them with others in the middle of the dinning table Minerva had transfigured in the middle of the sitting area.

"Now, everyone to the table." Hannah clapped her hands and smiled at Tobias

Tobias let out a squeal when he saw the presents on the table and pointed when the pile got larger as Millie deposited Severus' offerings. He ran to the chair next to Severus, climbing up on hands and knees until he could sit like a big boy, his chin not meeting the table. Severus looked down at him and saw the towhead smiling up from under the table edge. Rolling his eyes he accio'ed his new research book and lifted Tobias up to slide the book between the chair and the boy.

"Now, that's better." Severus glanced at the clock.

"I sit with Fessor." He smiled at Severus, and then looked up at the gifts and clapped his hands. "Mum, I want…"

"You eat first." Severus looked down at his plate and heard Hannah's snigger.

"On second thought, you are correct you should open them first." Severus looked up from his plate in disgust.

He reached over the Pizza and hamburgers on his plate and selected a present from the pile, handing it to Tobias. Tobias ginned and reached out both hands, grabbing the package only to let it fall onto his plate.

Hannah quickly reached over and grabbed the package, helping him open his new book, and then reaching for more gifts. Severus saw her smile slip, and her eyes fill with tears as she realized Tobias no longer had the strength to pick up his presents but leaned back in the chair, smiling as he watched her rip open the wrappings for him.

Tobias smiled and reached for the stuffed dragon that had a pull sting on its back. He pulled the string and giggled as the dragons wings flapped and it started to sing Happy Birthday belching small puffs of smoke at the end and then growling loudly.

"Severus, that is the cutest thing." Hannah looked at him in surprise. "I didn't know you went shopping."

"Yes, I … well," he said looking to Minerva for help.

"He told me what he wanted and I picked it up." Minerva winked at him.

"Now lets eat this pizza, it looks great." Hannah watched Tobias as he poked the food with his finger.

"Not hungry," he pouted and looked up at her.

"There now, finish eating and then we have a grand cake," she smiled thinly, then stood and ran from the room.

"Mum?" Tobias looked after her, his face falling to a frown.

"She is checking on the cake." Severus put out his hand and restrained the boy. "She will be right back. You wait here and I will check on the cake with her."

He nodded to Minerva as he followed Hannah into her chambers to find her standing just inside the doorway taking deep breaths and trying to clam herself.

"Hannah?"

"I am sorry. I keep telling my self I will not do this. I can't let him see me like this."

"When was the last time Poppy saw him?"

"Two days ago."

"I read his chart." He began to pace. "Hannah you must…"

"Not now." She wiped her face with the back of her hand. "I can't do this now."

"Hannah." He stepped up to her and took her chin in his hand. "Ignoring this will not make it go away."

"They said he could have a bone marrow…"

"Hannah, if he went into remission," he whispered. "He has not. If he could I never would have brought him here."

"He is getting worse." She looked into his eyes hoping to see denial. "He has been vomiting all day, and he won't eat."

"He will continue to do so. You know what will happen next."

"Oh my Gods, Severus. What can I do?"

"Wipe you eyes, and go back to his party. You need to let him know that what is happening is nothing to fear. Hannah, as much as we dread it, it is part of life."

"I know." She turned from him. "I know, I've tried. I tell him that my Mum died, and that she watches him. I don't know what else to do."

She wiped her eyes with her hand. "How do I tell my baby that he will die?"

Severus watched her wipe her eyes and breathe evenly to calm herself, then walk back to the party, leaving him standing looking after her. He fought to catch his own breath, and not call her back. It had been so long since he had held her, and feel her close. He wanted to tell her how he felt but could only hear Albus's voice warning him of the Dark Lords return. It would be unfair to bring her close now, when their time was so short.

He left the birthday party and headed to the Headmaster's office, unable to watch any longer.

"I am sorry for the lateness Albus, I was detained." Severus walked across the Headmasters office to sit opposite him, in front of the desk.

"How was Chunk's birthday?" Albus smiled.

"Tobias's birthday was fine."

"How is he doing?" Albus leaned back, peering over his glasses. "I have not spoken to Poppy the last couple of days."

"Not well," he sighed. "He is weak and is experiencing some pain. His platelets are not regenerating. I am sure Poppy is trying to control it while not drugging him. I am afraid he is failing."

"Your research?"

"Nothing," Severus spat. "St Mungo's research is useless. I don't know what they claim to have been working on all these years. Albus, I can find nothing."

"I am sorry." Albus took his glasses off to rub the bridge of his nose.

"You did not bring me here to talk of medicines and small boys." He looked at the Headmaster, his eyes growing black.

"I have heard rumours, rumours fed to the Ministry, that Tom is coming back."

Severus stood and began to pace, his long slender fingers ran through his hair. He thought furiously what could be happening, and where to find the information.

"I have not talked to Lucius for over a year now." He clasped his hands behind his back and kept walking. "He would have told me if he had known anything. He would have bragged about how much he knew."

"What of Narcissa?"

"Narcissa," Severus snorted a bark of laughter. "We are no longer close."

"You will need to correct that problem," Albus scowled at him.

"No, Albus, I will not." Severus turned to the older wizard. "There are things you are unaware of, things that I will not go into."

"I will have to ask you to return to their fold," Albus said as if asking for an extra helping of pudding.

"Is that all?" Severus shook his head and walked to the window; he put both hands on the ledge and leaned into the glass. "This is it then. This is what we have waited for."

"Yes, this is your oath to me." Albus looked down at his sleeve and flicked off a piece of lint. "Did you not expect this to happen?"

"I had hoped…" he stood up straight, resolved not to share his feelings. "I have things to attend to Albus. Things I must take care of before this begins."

"You have a week left to this term, and then the summer."

Severus walked out of the office and down the staircase wondering where the time had gone, and how much time he still had. Hannah and Tobias waited for him. Stopping at the bottom of the stairs, he walked out the main doors and into the night. He could not face them yet, not now, not tonight.

He hurried to the apparation point at the Main Gates and appeared at the Malfoy Manor, needing to know if the rumours were true, if he was out of time, it the terror had come back. The door opened as he strode up the pavement, and tossing his cloak to the elf he walked directly into the sitting area, not waiting to be announced.

"Lucius, it has been a long time old friend." He nodded to Narcissa as he crossed over to Lucius who had stood as he entered.

Lucius greeted Severus warmly, clasping his shoulders and slapping him on the back. Lucius clapped his hands to summon an elf, demanding drinks of his best, from his private stores.

"I have just heard some good news Lucius. The blood traitor has learned that the Dark Lord returns."

"Yes, I am surprised he has knowledge of it. We must have placed our trust in someone too close to him. And here we thought it would be you that we could not trust."

"Me? When have I given you pause to think that?" Severus raised an eyebrow and looked at Lucius with contempt.

"There are only a few that know the details." Lucius looked at Narcissa and nodded to the door.

Severus turned and watched as she stood and hesitantly walked to the door, glancing back and looking at Severus with a scowl. He took a glass from the tray offered by the elf, and lifting it up he saluted her and bowed low and formal.

"Don't trust him Lucius."

"I do not remember asking your opinion." Lucius swirled the amber liquid in his glass looking at the patterns it made as it picked up the flickering light form the fire.

"Lucius, listen to me."

"Yes Lucius, listen to your witch. Perhaps we can all talk about past transgressions," he sneered at her.

Narcissa turned and left the room, slamming the door behind her, leaving the two wizards alone.

"I think you upset her," Lucius laughed.

"I have been gone too long, she misses me. Tell me, how is my godson." Severus held his glass tightly, wanting to smash it and not go through the formalities until the time was right to ask what he needed to know.

"Draco is fine. He starts Hogwarts next term."

"I believe the Weasleys also have another spawn they are sending."

"Yes and the Potter brat should be of age."

Severus raised the glass to his lips and let the burn run down his throat. It had been so long since he had felt the old madness that its familiar grip was less frightening than he remembered it. He looked at his glass and then lifted it again, draining the whiskey and thinking of Hannah.

He looked at Lucius and knew in that moment that he was no longer the one to follow. He could play his part. He could look at the wizard and feel nothing. His lip twitched as he remembered the fear he had felt when he heard that the Dark Lord had returned. Now he only felt anger, hatred, and the need for revenge.

He pulled the walls up in his mind and put on his practiced smirk, and did not hear the cart pull up the tack nor feel his stomach lurch as it fell. For the first time he wanted to grieve for the babies flushed out in blood, and not run from them in fear. He knew why he had come to this world and it stood in front of him. And he hated him for it.


	29. Chapter 29

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 29**

* * *

He hurried back to Hogwarts and lifting the wards to his chambers walked in to the sitting room. All evidence of Tobias' party was gone, the table replaced and the toys and wrappings cleaned up and put away. He was a little surprised that he missed not seeing them up and sitting before the fire, reading and waiting for him. He had grown used to the company and constant disarray and found the neatness of the sitting room now disconcerting.

He tossed his robes onto his chair and hurried to Tobias' room where he stood leaning against the doorframe with his arms folded, watching him sleep. It is so simple, he thought looking at the boy. This was all it took to make him anxious to come home, this was all it took to change the cold dungeons to some place, after all these years he wanted to be.

"He liked his gifts," Hannah spoke from behind him.

He turned and grabbed her, pulling her to him and holding her as he closed his eyes and took in her scent. "Gods witch, I have been so stupid."

"Severus," she gasped pulling away from him.

"No, Hannah." He stepped back from her and ran his hands through his hair. "I know, I was with Lucius and I smell of whiskey, but listen to me."

"Not here." She looked at Tobias on the bed and took his hand, pulling him into the sitting room.

When the reached the room she dropped his hand and turned to look at him. He saw the dark circles under her eyes, and letting his eyes run down her body, he noticed the weight she had lost and the way she clasped her arms around her body as if cold or frightened.

He stepped close to her expecting her to turn away, and then he reached out and lifted her chin. He saw the fear in her eyes when he leaned forward and brushed her lips with his. He felt her stiffen, and then relax and lean in to the kiss, which he deepened as his arms went around her and pulled her to him.

"I have missed you," he whispered into her ear as he kissed the line from her mouth to her throat. "You have been right here all this time and I have missed you more than you know."

"What happened?" She brought her hands up to his chest and gently pushed him away.

"I think I woke up," he smirked at her and raised an eyebrow.

"You've been drinking."

"Yes," he said reaching out and lifting her chin. "I told you I have had one drink with Lucius, but am by no means drunk."

"I… I don't like the smell on you. It scares me."

"Have I ever hurt you?" he smirked at her.

"No, but…"

"You do know witch that I plan on having you."

"Tonight?" she asked, only answered by his nod.

She stood up on her toes and kissed him softly on his mouth, then pulled back and ran her tongue over her lips, as if assessing his taste.

"It's about time." She laughed at his expression and then took his hand and led him to his bedchamber.

He lifted his wand in a soft Lumos, lighting only one candle that stood on a table opposite the bed. He turned her around to face him and put a hand behind her head pulling her to him with his other arm and crushing his lips to hers. He felt her hands move to undo her belt, and groaned as she let it fall open and pushed into him, pressing against his erection.

He let her go long enough to push her robe from her shoulders and smirked when he saw she wore nothing under it.

"It's what I wear to bed," she said, looking at his mouth.

"So," he said, as he began undoing his buttons. "All this time you have been laying in your room like this with me just a few feet away?"

"A girl can hope," she said with a smirk of her own.

"Hope?"

"Hope that one day you will love me."

"I have since I was seventeen." He lifted her chin again and waited until he saw her nod.

He looked at her naked body and leaned down to kiss her throat as his hands ran along her sides, stroking the outside curves of her breasts and down to her hips. He raised his head to her mouth and kissed her, unsure if the moan was hers or his.

Her hands came up between them, he hesitated, thinking she was pushing him away only to feel her undoing the remaining buttons, her hands slipping over his skin across his stomach and down to undo his belt and stroke him through the fabric of his boxers.

"If you are not in that bed in one minute I will take you on the floor." He rasped into her ear as he pulled her back and stared into her eyes, making sure that she was past her fear.

He pulled his arms out of his shirt, and stopped to watch her walk toward the bed, groaning at the sight. He hurried and kicked off his shoes, pulled off his socks and slid down his boxers as she crawled onto the bed and sat in the middle waiting for him.

He joined her, pushing her back and laying over her, his knee pushing her legs apart until both of his fit between hers. He rested his weight on one arm and his other hand stroked her cheek as he lowered his head and kissed her softly. He waited until her felt her lips part, and then tasting her with his tongue and swallowing her moans, he crushed her lips against his and slid his tongue deeper. Her arms wrapped around his back as she arched her back and pushed into him, wanting him to hurry, and needing him closer.

"My gods, Severus. I have missed you so."

He raised his head enough to look in her eyes, and pushed her hair from her face. She looked up at him, her mouth half open, and her breasts rising in time with her breathing as he lowered his head and kissed her neck, and let his hand slid down her side. His mouth found her nipples, gently nipped, and sucked as his hand found her wetness.

"My gods," she breathed, throwing back her head on the pillow. "Please, hurry."

"Hannah, look at me."

She turned her head and opened her eyes watching him as her pleasured her, running his fingers through her folds and back up to her wetness and back down again. She felt the tightness that she had missed and dreamed of and only wanted from him.

"Severus, please."

He lowered his head and kissed her as his fingers slide inside her, and felt her soft inner walls and wetness. She gasped and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him tightly to her and tried to push up her hips for contact, her finger nails dug into his flesh and mouth sought any skin she could taste.

"Now, please Severus."

He removed his hand and slid into her, closing his eyes and feeling tears behind them. He had felt this before, under the coaster, and at Spinners End, and in the dirty Inn in a small town she had hidden in. He had not recognized it then, and now he knew that without her love he would die.

He opened his eyes to see her gasp as he stroked into her again, and yet again. He felt her clamp her legs around his back, raise her body up to meet his, and whisper his name as a prayer as she cried out his name in her tears and her climax. He did not even think of his impending release as he came in her, pushing deep and gathering her into his arms and he tried to breathe as wave after wave shot through him.

He held her as she cried into his chest, still in her, not wanting to slip out and end this yet. This connection that he had not identified before was so simple now. He rolled to the side and pulled her with him, not wanting to let go, and not needing to talk, and not understanding why he felt tears forming in his eyes. They lay together until he heard the steady breathing that told him she was asleep before he gently untangled himself and left the bed.

He found his wand and cleaned himself and thinking to clean her as well, he walked to the bed but only lowered his wand. He pulled up the blankets; wanting to keep his smell on her thinking it somehow marked her as his. He dressed slowly and left the dungeons to find Albus for a request he would plead for with what was left of his life.

.

.

.

.

.

"I tell you Albus, I can do it." He paced the Headmasters office and hated himself for the begging tone that crept into his voice.

"It is dark, almost considered black." Albus shook his head. "No, you don't understand what it can do. To hold it in you hand, to want its power."

"I don't want the power old man. I just need to infuse its power into the potion."

"Severus, if it could be done don't you think someone would have already tried it?"

"They have, I am sure of it. Look at its history. Look at the age of Nicolas Flamel. He must have been able to use it for more than just longevity. Was he ever ill? What of his family? No, I know it can be done."

"Severus, I will not risk loosing you again."

"If I don't do this we will loose Tobias, and I can not let that happen." He turned and frowned at Albus. "I know now what I need. I know why I am here and it is for this, only this. I need to do this for them."

He continued to pace as Albus leaned back in his chair watching him intently knowing that his Potions Master had finally come home.

"I want this for someone else, not me, not my power, not for what I can gain." Severus looked at Albus and sneered. "Don't say it old man."

"I would not dream of telling you it is about time." He chuckled as he stroked his beard.

"If this works, and the child is healed, what happens then Severus?"

"I send them away."

"You know it is the only way to ensure their safety." Albus nodded his agreement. "I am sorry Severus."

"When can it be collected?" Severus ran his hand through his hair. "He does not have long Albus. He is failing faster than we thought."

"I had thought to send Hagrid when he collects young Mr Potter."

"He will not make it that long Albus. I will need it sooner."

"Have the potion ready, I will not collect it my self as I can still feel the lure it has. However, be assured I will have it here when you have need."

Severus nodded and hurried to the stairs, taking them two at a time in his haste to return before Hannah woke and found him gone. He found her in his bed, but not alone. A small tow headed boy lay in her arms, with a hank of her hair twisted around his fingers.

He knelt by the bed and saw her eyes open and look at him. Leaning over to kiss her, he tasted the salt, and felt the tremble of her lips.

"Hannah?"

"He has a fever and can't walk. I had to carry him."

Severus slid one arm under Tobias' knees and another under his head and shoulders and picked him up gently. He lowered his head and kissed the boy's head then turned to take him to Poppy, leaving Hannah to dress and follow him. As he walked to the hospital wing, he felt a calmness that he had not felt before and looked down at the sleeping boy wondering what his son would have looked like. He smiled thinking he would look a lot like this, with Hannah's eyes and chin, and it was enough.

He turned around, pushing the door of the infirmary open with his back and walked to the nearest cot, laying the small boy down. He heard Poppy's footfalls hurrying from her office at the sound of the door opening and saw the worry in her eyes.

"I have a potion to brew. I will leave him with you and I am sure Hannah will be sleeping here as well."

"You have found something." Poppy grabbed his arm and looked at him, narrowing her eyes.

He smirked at her, and then nodded. Reaching over he put his hand on the boy's cheek and sighed. "I need a vial of his blood."

"Blood? For a potion?"

"Yes and …" He stood up and looked at her, knowing what he would ask for next would upset her. "I need some of his bone marrow."

"You do not expect me to do that?" She shook her head. "No, those Muggles that do that don't care about how they treat their patients. Do you have any idea what that entails?"

"Poppy, put him to sleep then, I am sure you know a spell or two." He smirked at her.

"I won't do it. No Severus, I won't."

"Won't do what?" Hannah asked pulling the curtain open from around the cot.

"Tell her Poppy. Tell her you won't do it." He frowned at her.

"He wants me to extract bone marrow." Poppy folded her arms and glared at Severus.

"What is the problem?"

"He thinks he as found a cure and he wants…."

"My god! Severus." Hannah threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down to kiss his cheeks, his forehead, laughing and crying until she felt her knees weaken and the just clung to him and sobbed.

"Fine." Poppy huffed, and folded her arms. "I guess I have no choice."

Severus held her, watching Poppy walk angrily to her office over her head. When the mediwitch was out of sight, he pulled Hannah away and led her to the chair next to the cot.

"Listen to me and listen carefully." He frowned as he saw her smile. "I think this will work, but I can not promise. I can not tell you for sure."

"But there is a chance? You think it will work?"

"Yes, but I want you to do something for me."

She blushed red and looked back to Poppy's office door. "I would love to do something for you."

He smirked and leaned down to kiss her lightly. "That is not what I had in mind."

She looked at the bulge he was trying to hide under his robes and snorted.

"Hannah." He raised his eyebrow and frowned at her, then smirked and pulled her close.

"Fine, then there are two things."

"Two?" She laughed and moved against him.

"Do not be here when Poppy takes the marrow." He pulled her away from his erection and gently shook her.

She was suddenly serious and fearful. "Severus?"

"It is painful to watch. Poppy will not harm him, but I do not want you here."

"I know how it is done. Remember?"

"Promise?"

"Where will you be?"

"Brewing the potion. Now promise." He frowned knowing she was avoiding his request.

"If he wakes he …"

"Promise." He sighed knowing he was getting nowhere. "Fine, I will have Poppy take you back to Spinners End before she does the procedure."

"No, I promise. I will go back to the Dungeons, I'll read, I'll… you wouldn't do that." Her eyes were filling with tears at his threat. "Please, I promise."

"I will have Millie keep and eye on you."

"Mum," Tobias tried to sit up, and rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes.

"Here sweetness." She hurried back to the cot and leaned over, resting her forehead on his and saying a prayer that what ever Severus was doing would work. She looked up and saw him looking at them.

"Severus," she said, as she straightened up. "You gave me your oath. I will understand, but don't break you oath on this."

He locked his eyes on hers and stood silently until she looked away, and then leaving them, he hurried to the lab to begin brewing.


	30. Chapter 30

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 30**

* * *

Severus brewed a simple blood replenishing potion putting a the date on the vials he had prepared and slid them to the back of a small shelve over his head. He began putting away the ingredients and stopped to look back at the wooden work table frowning.

Hurrying to his ingredients cabinet he pulled out several small jars, pulled out his wand and began heating the cauldrons again. He worked quickly, occasionally glancing at the clock wondering how Poppy was handling Tobias, and completed the potions he would put back in case he had a need.

Hours passed before his was done. His back screamed from leaning of the table with out taking a break, and his legs ached. He leaned his arms on the table and hung his head, closing his eyes and wanting this to be over. He dreaded what he would have to do. If the potions failed, or proved a success he would lose her. She would be sent back to her world until the Dark Lord was defeated and Lucius was no longer a threat.

He lifted his head and straightened up. He needed to tell Albus that he was ready for the Philosophers' Stone that he needed to infuse into the potion. He pulled out his wand and sent his Patronus, wanting to hurry to the infirmary.

Tobias was sleeping when he arrived. Looking small and pale on the bed the boy lay curled on his side, his face streaked with dry tears and his chest still heaving with small sobs. Hannah sat on the chair, which she had pulled close to the bed to enable her to lay her head down next to her son. She heard Severus footfalls and looked up as he came close.

He looked at her face and wanted to leave her, to walk away and not see the pain. Instead, he pulled her up and held her, laying his cheek on her head and closing his eyes, listening as she sobbed.

"He hurt." She sobbed into his chest, fisting his robes as if she wanted to stop him from running. "Poppy tried, but he still hurt."

"You promised me not to be here."

"I sat in the hall." She looked up to see him scowl. "I didn't watch, but I could hear him. He called me."

"It is over now, we will not have to do this again."

"Have you eaten? You look awful." She lay her hand on his cheek.

"I am fine." He smirked. "I need to sleep. Someone kept me up late last night Madam."

"I didn't hear you complaining then." She tried to smile.

"No, but if I do not sleep soon I will not be able to finish the potion in the morning."

"Do you still think it will work?"

"Yes."

"You have tested it?"

"No." He saw her face change and felt her stiffen. "It is a simple potion, I am only modifying it. Hannah, if it does not work it can not be worse then it is."

"Poppy said he will sleep until morning, and she gave me this." She held up her hand to show him the bracelet she wore. "She said it would warm if he wakes."

He frowned at her not knowing where this was going.

"Severus? Will you make love to me?" Tears started to run down her face as she looked at him. "I feel like I am dieing with him. I need you to…"

His mouth covered hers before she could finish her words. She sobbed into him as her arms reached around his neck and she felt herself picked up and carried to the dungeons. She needed someone close, someone to take her pain and let it go. She hid her face in his neck and continued to cry until he set her down on this bed and began to remove his clothes. Then grabbing his wand he divested her clothing and turning it towards himself, divested his.

He took her quickly, not waiting to stroke her, to kiss her, to feel her wetness. He needed her around him as badly as she needed him in her. They came together with a desperation that come from months of pulling back and of hiding their feelings

He thrust into her warmth hard, and pushed as deep as he could until he found bottom, then pulled out and rammed into her again. He pulled her chin toward him and demanded that she look at him. He felt her push back, to meet his stroke then he felt her shock, and her pull back, when he went too deep, as he painfully sought more. He held her hands under his, over her head, not allowing her to pull him down to her, and when his release came, and with it hers, he saw her eyes locked on his and knew this was the last time he would know her.

He rolled off her and sat on the side of the bed, his elbows on his knees and this head in his hands.

"You are sending me back." She sat up and wrapped the sheet around herself. "That wasn't how you make love. That was just a fuck."

He stood and walked to his clothes without answering her.

"You bastard," she hissed at him. "Look at me."

He picked up his clothes and walked to the shower without looking back, and without saying a word. He closed the door and leaned back against the hard wooden surface. Tobias would take his potion in the morning, by noon he would be gone. If he could remember the prayers to his fathers god he would have said one now. He thought of the young girl dressed in white holding her silver beads and wished he could find her innocence now.

He stepped into the shower and turned it on as hot as he could stand. Resting his hands against the cooler tiles he let the hot water run down his back and ease the muscles that wanted to cramp and bunch together as he fought his anger. He would dress and return to the lab, he would brew the potion and let her go.

As he left the shower Hannah stood and faced him. "Talk to me, just tell me why?"

He picked up the robes and slipped his arms into the sleeves showing no indication that he heard her. She stood in front of him and pushed her hand to his chest.

"Damn it Severus, talk to me." She pressed her lips together and glared at him. " You love me, at least you care for me, I know that. Talk to me please."

"I told you in your home in Spinners End that this would be only for the boy." He sneered at her. "I told you it would mean nothing more."

"It is more, the last two nights show that it was more."

"The last two nights I fucked you." He sneered at her and adjusted the robes to hang straight on his shoulders.

Her hand flew to his face, knocking his head to the side and bringing blood to his lip. He slowly turned back to her, locking his eyes on hers, accepting her anger, he nodded and walked away.

He would stop thinking of her. He would go the Dark Lord and pretend to follow Lucius' every word. This was the oath he had agreed to years ago, and this was the one he had gave to protect the witch. He walked to the lab hoping the stone would be brought and the potion completed at once.

Hannah pulled the robe tighter and ran to her room to dress and go to the infirmary. She sat at her vanity to comb her hair and looked at the face that stared back. She was no longer the young girl he had first taken under the coaster, nor the young woman that had given herself to him at Spinners End all those years ago. She looked at her swollen eyes, and knew she was no longer pretty, and could no longer could turn heads as she walked by.

She knew that in this world she was called a Muggle, and by virtue of her birth foreign and unwanted by many. She picked up a jar of hand lotion and threw it at the mirror, watching as the glass shattered and fall in sparkling shards. She stood up to walk to the infirmary stopping to lean against the door before leaving his quarters and knowing that it may be for the last time.

Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand and lifting her chin she stepped into the hallway and started the walk up to the higher levels of Hogwarts. She would not go like this, she thought to her self. Damn him to hell, and her with him, but she would make him talk to her.

"Madame?" She heard and turned around quickly to see a large man looking down at her.

"Who…" She stepped back from him, seeking a way to run.

"Ah, now," he said. "I shouldn't have come up on you like that."

She did not find any fear in the man and tried to smile up at him. "I am sorry, I thought I was alone. You startled me."

"I am looking for Professor Snape. I have a delivery to make." He reached in his pocket and pulled out a small object wrapped in a piece of fabric.

"Umm, I think he is in his lab. Did not want me to take it to him?" She reached out her hand.

"No one is to touch this but me." He frowned and scratched his beard. "Can't tell you about it either."

"Well, he is in the lab. I can take you there."

"I know the way." He stood up straight and puffed up his chest. "Name is Rubeus. Rubeus Hagrid, Grounds Keeper for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry at your service."

"Mr Hagrid, I am Hannah Hay…"

"Ahh, now. I know who you are. You are the mother of that little boy." He grinned and nodded his massive head. "Millie brings him down to see me sometimes. Cute little thing he is."

"Thank you, Mr Hagrid."

"Just Hagrid, I aren't no Mr." He frowned and looked around. "I got this here thing for the Professor. I need to hurry."

"Sure, I am sorry to have stopped you Hagrid." She looked up and wrinkled her forehead, and stepped back to let him pass.

"Mum was a giant," he said kindly, seeing how she still gaped at him. "I don't mean no harm. You Muggles don't see much of us."

"Hagrid, I don't think we Muggles see anything of you." She wanted to laugh and felt the anger she had been holding fall away. "May I walk with you?"

"Why I would like that." He looked at her and shoved the package back in his pocket, patting it down and holding his hand over it. "Lot's of magic in that."

They walked together, Hannah looking up and smiling, as Hagrid talked of dragons and unicorns and the latest influx of ibex toad. When they reached the lab, and Hagrid reached for the door as she stepped back chewing on her lip.

"He is a good one, Snape is." Hagrid looked down to see her worry her lip. "He tries to be harder then he is."

"Right!" She snorted a short laugh and looked back up at the gentle giant who opened the door and went into the lab.

She walked in behind him and stood near the door, stepping into the shadows. Hagrid walked to Severus and handed him the package, leaning down and reverently unwrapping it. She could not hear their soft whispered words but could read the tenseness in Severus' shoulders and the way he stood at the work table.

Severus reached up and took the vials he had prepared the night before, lining them up on the bench. Each small bottle had another empty one sitting beside it, and a small funnel stuck in each neck. He took the stone from Hagrid, rolling it in his palm and feeling the magic reach for him, trying to call him and wrapping around his own.

With only the slightest of hesitations, he placed the stone in one of the funnels and poured the potion from one vial over it, passing his hand over the flask as the liquid flowed over the stone and collected into the container below. He repeated the process until each empty vial was filled, and holding the stone once again in his hand turned to Hagrid.

"Tell the Headmaster I am done with it, and return it at once." He closed his hand over the stone, creating a fist and squeezing it tight. With a short laugh he tossed it to Hagrid and turned back to put the stoppers in the freshly filled bottles.

"Tell the Headmaster he was wrong." He smirked as he saw the treasure disappear into the giant's pocket. "Take the witch with you."

Hagrid looked around and saw Hannah still standing in the shadows by the door. He crossed the room and opened the door, holding his hand out to her.

"Best to do what he says."

"No, Hagrid. We need to talk." She looked at Severus' back still turned to her.

Hagrid shrugged his shoulders. "Well, I got to get this back to the Headmaster."

"Its been nice meeting you Hagrid." She smiled and patted his arm.

Once the door had closed behind him she walked over to where Severus stood putting the last cap on a vial.

"I won't go until you tell me why." She folded her arms as she stood watching him.

"This was our agreement." He turned to her and spoke slowly and coldly.

"Agreements can be changed." She locked her eyes on his and tried to be as cold as he.

"I once confessed my life to you. I should not have done that." He held up his hand as she began to talk. "I am sure you remember the night I speak of."

He turned back to the table and put his palms flat on the surface, leaning on his arms. "He is back. You are not safe here."

"I was not safe before, they came for me."

He turned on her and grabbed her shoulders. "You have a son now. Have you forgotten him?"

"They would have no reason…"

"You don't understand them, you don't know. The fact that he is a Muggle is enough to sign his death warrant. The fact that I have been with you is enough to sign yours."

He pushed her back from him as if he could not bear to touch her.

"It starts again. It will all be back as it was." He glared at her and ran his hand thru his hair. "I want you to leave."

"Will you come to me?" She whispered and lowered her head. "Like last time, will you come to me? I'll wait you know. I can stay in Spinn…"

"No," he said, and took two steps, grabbed her arms and pulled her to him. "Don't wait. Find someone who can give you what you want."

"I want you Severus. I have always just wanted you."

"What if this takes a year? Three years? What if it is another eight years before I can be with you again?"

"I can wait."

"Wait for who this time? Wait for a family you will be to old to have? Wait for someone else like you did…" He felt her hand strike his face again, and licked the blood from the corner of his lip.

"Bastard! You said none of that mattered."

" It does. I can't get it out of my mind that he is not mine."

"I know. I know you haven't forgiven me for your son. Don't you think I see it on your face every time you look at him?" Her eyes filled with tears as she raged at him.

"We never…" He looked at her, seeing her pain at his admission he stopped.

"Don't you think I see in the mirror everyday that I am no longer young. I am no longer what you want?" Her eyes filled with tears as she raged at him. "Do you think I am so stupid that I don't know how I must look to you? If that is it just say it, just tell me you don't want me anymore, tell me you don't love me, but don't leave it like this."

"My gods Hannah. You have not slept a full night in months, you have lost so much weight I worry for you?" He reached and ran the pad of his thumb over her lips. "I wouldn't care if you looked like a hag. I will love you no matter how old you are, and hope to see you when you are one hundred and see wrinkles around your eyes, and hear you snore as you sleep next to me."

"One hundred?" She smiled and took his hand to hold to her cheek. "Gods Severus, just don't push me away. Just leave it like this, thinking that some day I will see you."

He raised her chin to look into her face. "Hannah, you want more children and it can not be with me. If you want a family, a home, you can not wait."

"No Severus, don't," she said trying to breathe. "I have waited for you over half my life."

"Will you do something for me?" He asked turning her head up to him. "With no questions, not needing an explanation?"

He watched as she struggled with his request, knowing that what he asked would be hard for her. Then seeing her bite her lip and nod he turned and picked up one of the flasks he had just filled.

"Then drink this, and wait for me." He lifted the vial to her mouth and poured the shimmering liquid into her mouth.

"What.." She clamped her mouth shut and looked up at him.

"Hard?" He smirked at her.

"Yes." She spat out her answer knowing he was laughing at her. "I can't ask what I just drank?"

"No." He crossed his arms and looked at her.

"You want me to wait for you?"

She waited for his answer, tapped her foot, and finally saw him smirk. "Now you need to fix my son."

"Our son," he whispered as he pulled her to him and kissed her for what may be the last time. "Take care of him, and make him remember me."


	31. Chapter 31

**Rated M**

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 31**

* * *

Poppy watched as Severus poured the blood-replenishing potion into a bowl and then poured the blood sample she had taken from the boy into the portion and stirred them together. He added the bone marrow and looked to Poppy.

"We need to put this directly into his veins. The stomach acids will destroy the marrow before it has a chance to work."

"I keep syringes for the Muggle students that need to take insulin until we can cure them." She looked at the mixture in the bowl. "If it is not too thick to fit through the needle."

"How long before we know?" Hannah paced at the foot of the bed waiting for Poppy to return.

"Oh my dear," Albus said. "It is magic. We will know at once."

"Headmaster." Severus greeted the old man with a scowl.

"Millie is packing your belongings my dear." Albus stroked his beard and looked down on the still form on the bed.

"Poppy thought it best to keep him asleep." Severus explained the boy's state to the Headmaster. "If for some reason this is to fail she did not want him seeing his mother's reaction."

"A wise decision," Albus said. "However, perhaps it would have been nice for him to see her joy."

Hannah looked at Albus oddly. "Packing my things? You already knew?"

"Yes, our Potions Master and I have spoke of this and the necessary safety." He held out the charmed amulet she had worn before. "I believe this is yours?"

"Yes," she said, slipping it over her head. "What of Tobias?"

"The magic that is being injected should track him. I will add a drop of his new healthy blood to our receiver." Albus smiled at Severus. "Is that not true?"

Severus looked up at Albus as he pulled back the plunger of the syringe, pulling potion up into it. "That is enough Albus."

"Magic?" Hannah looked at Severus and then back to Albus. "He said there was no magic for this."

"It is the same magic I feel coming from you my dear. Surly our Potions Master shared his secrete with you."

"Hannah, hold your son's arm for me." He glared at Albus and stepped around him to near the bed.

Poppy used her wand to sterilize the inside of Tobias arms and showed Hannah how to hold the arm straight. "He should not move, but if he does we don't want to hurt him."

Hannah kneeled next to the bed with both of her hands on Tobias' arm and looked up to Severus as he slid the needle into the small arm, found a vein and pushed the potion into the boy's blood stream.

"Poppy, change this thing." He looked down scowling, not knowing how to add the next tube of potion for injection.

Poppy brought over what he asked for, pushed him to the side as she snapped out the empty vial, and added a full one, injecting that as well. Four vials were pushed into his arm before Poppy stood back and Hannah could breathe again.

"Now you wait." Severus folded his arms and watched Hannah stroke Tobias' hair.

"How long before we know?" Hannah did not take her eyes off her son. She did not notice Severus walk away or Albus stop Poppy from running after him. She just stared at Tobias until she saw his eyes flutter and open as he yawned and reached up for her.

"Oh Tobias'" She got up from her knees and sat on the bed, pulling him onto her lap and laughing as tears came down her face. "My big three years old."

She heard Albus' chuckle and Poppy's laugher, and looking to see Severus and found him gone. She turned to look behind her, and stood while Tobias wrapped his legs around her waist and laid his head on her shoulder.

"Albus?" She walked out from the curtained area still searching for him.

"Our Potions Master has asked me to return you home." Albus smiled warmly. "Millie has put your thing by the main gates. She will return with you to help you unpack and get the house ready."

"It is done so quickly?" She hugged Tobias to her and closed her eyes. "I have prayed for this so long, now it is done so quickly?"

She felt her knees begin to waver as Poppy took her elbow and led her back to the curtained area and to the chair. "You best sit there while I get you something to steady those nerves."

"No, I am fine. I just can't believe it."

"Mum?" Tobias lifted his head and yawned. "I am hungry Mum. Fessor got cereal?"

"I bet if you ask Millie she will bring anything you want," she laughed and hugged him again.

"No, Millie does milk toast. " He laid his head down on her shoulder. "I want Fessor."

"Well, he is working. You know he works everyday." She pulled back to see his face, and push his hair out of his eyes. "How about we go home today?"

"My dragon comes too?"

"Yes, your dragon, all your new books and your new comforter too."

"Oh my," Poppy put her hand on the chest and came back around the curtain. "I am afraid I forgot to have Millie pack his blanket."

"That's ok. We can just run down and grab it after he eats." She ruffled his hair. "Right Boy-O?"

"Fessor too?" He looked at her smiling.

"No, he has to work." She looked at Poppy and Albus. "He said he will come to see us when he is done."

"Tobias," Albus stroked his beard. "Why don't you go with Poppy and say goodbye to your good friend while your mother and I talk."

"Haggid?" He struggled to get down.

"Wait." Hannah was scared to set him down.

"I will have his breakfast sent to Hagrid's hut, I am sure he will welcome the company." Albus snapped his fingers and explained to Millie what to do.

"He is quite healthy," Poppy smiled. "He will be tired tonight, and want naps for the next few days, but other than that he is fit as a razor back."

Hannah stood and watched as Millie took Tobias away not wanting to let him go, and not wanting to frighten him by clinging.

"I can take his memories you know." Albus stroked his beard again as if in deep thought.

"No, he needs to remember Severus." She lifted her chin firmly and turned to him, remembering the first time she had met him.

"I made a mistake a long time ago." He knitted his brow together in thought. "I assumed that you were not good for him. I made the assumption that he could not live in both worlds at the same time and survive."

"He lived in my world before he lived in yours old man." She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "If he had not come here he would have been fine."

"I have breakfast waiting in my office, and a hot pot of tea." He took her arm. "Be kind to an old man and join him for a morning meal. I know if I let you go with out making you see Minerva she will not forgive me."

"That would be lovely." She took his arm and walked with him toward the circular stairs. "I wanted to see Minerva before I left."

"Then I am glad the kitchen mistakenly sent three plates." He laughed softly as he watched her from the corner of his eye. "He told you he would visit?"

"No."

"He said he would bring you here?"

"No."

"I see."

"No you don't." She laughed at him. "Do you ever just come out and ask something or do you just hint?"

"Oh child," Minerva said, looking down from the top of the stairs. "He likes to think he knows everything that goes on around here. Just an old busy body if you ask me."

"And that is why I do not ask you," he pouted.

"Now sit here." Minerva patted the chair next to her as she leaned forward and picked up the teapot from the desk, pouring a cup and handing it to Hannah.

"First things first and then I will leave you two." Albus opened the top drawer of his desk and handed a large envelope to Hannah.

"You know that Severus came to us with very little." Albus looked at Minerva. "Since he has lived here he has earned a salary he has had little use for. He has also amassed a large account from the potions that he has made."

"Listen, I am not here for this." Hannah set the envelope on the desk, stood up and pushed the envelope back to Albus.

"If you were I would make sure you did not get it." Minerva sniffed and picked up the envelope, handing it back to Hannah. "Severus was quite clear as to this."

"Our Potions Master wants to make sure you are taken care of." Albus peered over his glasses at her. "It seems he is still quite taken with you."

"He wants this." Minerva said gently. "You do not understand our world, or what it is about to face. He needs to have his mind cleared and put away his worry about you."

Hannah looked from Minerva to Albus to the envelope. Then sitting back down she spilled the contents onto her lap. She shifted through the papers seeing he had turned over the house at Spinners End to her in the event of his death. She picked up the next slip and saw the seal from the Bank of Scotland that held a trust for the education of Tobias, and one that would supply a monthly income as long as she lived.

"No." She stood up letting the paper slid to the floor. "He said to wait for him. He said he would come back."

"I am sure he will try my dear." Albus leaned back and looked at her narrowing his eyes. "This is not a game we play, or one of your Muggle ideas of enchanted castles and magical beings."

"I never thought that it was," she hissed at him and turned to the door.

"Hannah!" Minerva hurried to the door and put her hands on the young woman's shoulders. "It means so much to him. If he comes back …"

"NO!" She pulled back from Minerva. "Not if, when. Don't talk about this as if he were already…"

She put her hands to her mouth and felt as if a hand was squeezing her heart. "I just got my son back, don't take Severus away."

"Hannah, I knew his mother, I have known him all his life." Minerva led her back to the chair and using her wand replaced the papers in a neat stack on the desk. "Take what he offers. It will give him peace."

"No, Minerva I can't take it. It would be like accepting what may happen." She put the envelope back on the desk. "No."

"Then just know that it is here," Minerva said, patting her arm.

"Now, Minerva has graciously agreed to give you a little history of our world and what we are facing." Albus stood and walked to the floo. "If we do not meet again be assured that I shall do what I can to keep him safe. Our future depends on it."

Minerva poured some more tea, and began a long story that started with a young girl marrying a Muggle. She held nothing back, telling Hannah about his treatment at home with a mother emotionally unable to help him and a father that did not care. Hannah nodded, knowing most of the story from first hand experience.

Hannah shared tales of Spinners End and the plight of the other children they had known. She told his childhood stories of broken windscreens and candy stolen from the corner store. She could not bring herself to tell Minerva of her horrors, but shared some memories of the smells that Severus was famous for and the death of his mother's canary.

"Strange," Minerva said. "I never really thought of him as a Muggle. Of course, he would be at home there. I always think of him as one of ours."

"He was right fine." Hannah laughed at the look on Minerva's face. "The other boys did not think much of him, he was always had his nose in some book, or corrected them if they gave the wrong answer in school. But the girls, my goodness the girls."

She reached for the last piece of toast and bit of a piece as she smiled. "They would roll up their waistbands to hike up their skirts and walk back and forth in front of his house."

"Oh my," Minerva laid her hand on the chest. "How unbecoming."

"Yeah, well tell that to Severus. He looked alright." She smiled, and then became serious. "I used to watch them and wanted to scratch their eyes out. Then that last time he came home for summer vacation…"

"Yes, what happened then? One minute he is home and the next he was staying up at the Malfoy Manor." Minerva shook her finger at Hannah. "Mark my words, if what ever sent him to the Malfoy had not happened he would not here now. Something happened that he has never spoken of."

Hannah looked at Minerva, then turned back, and picked up her teacup, only to put it back as her hand shook.

"Oh my dear," Minerva said looking at her oddly.

"He used to walk up to the far end, up near where the rich kids lived." She looked down in her lap as she felt the tears start again. "I used to get jealous, and before he came back the last time I heard someone died up there. One for his friends, some Lily I think they said."

Minerva told her of how Severus had spent the summer at the Malfoys, returning to school and making wrong decisions. She told her of Lily, and the dark Lord and of Severus' madness from the part he played and of his confession to Albus. She told her of the oaths, how he had fought the last eight years to regain his standing in this world, and his work at St Mungo's. She told her of the demons that he had found at the bottom of a bottle and the years it took him to find himself.

"He is not a nice man Hannah. He is cold and abrasive and sometimes cruel." Minerva poured a hot cup of tea from a fresh pot that Millie had brought. "And I worry what revisiting all this will do to him."

"He is honest, and truthful, and would give his life to protect yours," Hannah said. "That summer, that last summer he was home. You know before he went to the Malfoys. He… he saved me. I never knew what it cost him to do that."

"Oh my dear." Minerva reached over to take her hand.

"He is different now. I don't know how to say it, but he is just different somehow."

"I hope so, if the madness comes back I fear for him." Minerva patted her arm.

"It is called hope child." Albus appeared in the floo. "For the first time in his life our Potions Master has felt hope."

"You crazy fool." Minerva snorted. "Here it comes Hannah, his love conquers all speech."

"He does have hope, why else would he have created a potion just for his witch." Albus smiled and walked to his desk. "I have added you son to the receiver that Alastair carries. You can rest easy that he will be protected."

"What potion?" Hannah frowned; she knew she was not going to like this.

"Did you know that the life expectancy of our people far exceeds that of a simple Muggle?" He asked as he picked up a small handful of treats from his desk and walked to Fawkes.

"What potion old man?" She stood, putting her hands on her hips.

"Did you know that witches in our world do not, now, how should I put this." He turned stroking his beard and looked at the ceiling as if the answer were written there. "Ah, yes, they do not hear their internal clock ticking until much later in life than a Muggle."

Hannah stood still, lowering her hands from her hips. "What potion? What is this portion for?"

"Your life expectancy of course." He smiled at her over his spectacles. "It appears our Potion Master plans to have a family when this is all over and desires to match your life time to his."


	32. Chapter 32

****

Rated M

* * *

**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 32**

* * *

Hannah sat at the kitchen table flipping the pages of the newspaper looking for sale notices for used cars. Glancing at the clock she got up to go to the bottom of the stairs and yelled up to Tobias.

"You better hurry up young man. I don't want you late again because you are too lazy to get out of bed."

"Ah, Mum," Tobias said. "I am not late."

"Yeah, not yet. Remember the car is in the shop again."

"Ken's Mum said she would collect me."

"You have to eat yet, now get down here."

"I don't want breakfast, I hate breakfast."

"At least have some juice and toast. You know it is important."

She went back to the kitchen pulling her jumper tight against her. It was colder than usual for this time of year and she refused to turn on the heat. She could ill afford a higher bill this month. Tobias had outgrown his shoes again, and she had already let the cuff down on his school uniform hoping to make them last until the end of term. She sat down to her paper again only putting it down when she heard Tobias slide out the chair opposite her.

She nodded to the jug of orange juice and scowled until he poured himself a glass. "Your test is today."

"Yeah, I hate math. I wish I didn't even have to take it."

"Well, I am afraid that thirteen is not old enough to quit school. Anyway, when Severus comes back he can help you with your homework."

"Yeah, **if **you mean." He rolled his eyes at the ceiling.

Hannah stood and grabbed the dirty dishes off the table and carried them to the sink. She stood staring at the wall in front of her and closed her eyes not knowing what to say to him.

"I am sorry Mum. I don't know, I don't even remember him."

"Of course you do." She turned and looked at him suddenly aware that he had no memory of that time. He had been too young. "The dragon, remember getting your dragon?"

"No Mum, I know the stories, but I can't remember him."

He picked up a piece of toast and started to eat it, looking at the cereal in the bowl at his elbow. Finally giving in, as his stomach poked him, he pulled the bowl in front of him and reached for the goat's milk his mother still insisted on buying.

"Ken's dad left." He sat hunched over the bowl, looking up through his lashes. "Just like he did."

"He didn't leave because he wanted to," she snapped at him.

"Sorry." He put his head back down and shovelled the cereal into his mouth.

"Chunk, he would be here if he could."

"Mum?" He put his spoon down but kept his eyes to the bowl. "My dad left to. Do you think he might come back?"

Hannah knew he would ask her this eventually. She planned a whole speech of what to say. But now, faced with the question she was unable to answer. She looked at the clock and wiped her hand across her eyes.

"Well, best get to school." She ruffled his hair as she walked by him on her way to the front door. She cursed her self for doing this, for not answering his questions and for having her own doubts.

She stood by the door and opened it for him when he finally managed to gather his jumper and book bag together and head outside. Leaning toward him for the obligatory kiss, she was a little startled when he refused her, pulling back and then ducking under her arm and running down the steps.

"That's the way they are." Connie laughed up at her from the pavement. "My John is the same way."

"How are you Connie?" Hannah smiled at her neighbour. "Haven't seen you around for a while."

"I was at my Mum's, she isn't doing well you know." Connie shrugged her shoulders. "Got quiet a start last night when I got home. It must have been past midnight and I thought I saw a light down in the corner place."

"The old Snape house?" Hannah felt her heart begin to beat faster.

"Yeah, but it's been empty of a while now. Anyway I told Tony and he went over there but didn't find anything."

"Thanks Connie," Hannah could not take her eyes off the house. "So, Tony is staying over again?"

"I know what I said. But what that man can do to me." She fanned her face with her hand and smiled. "I don't know how you do it in that house all by your self."

"Yeah Connie, listen, I have to go now. " She stepped back into the house and closed the door.

She ran to the window and pulled back the curtain to see the house better, then dropping to her knees and resting her head on the sill she sat and waited for a movement, a light or an owl. She watched for most of the day, until it was time for Tobias to come home, and then hurried out to the kitchen to get something on the table for him.

She decided Connie was wrong about seeing a light. He would have come to her and not hidden in the house so long empty. She could still hear his voice and his promise, she could close her eyes and feel his arms and smell his robes that reminded her of the spice shop in the old part of town. She put her hand over her mouth to stop her sob from escaping from years of practice in hiding her grief from Tobias.

The knock on the door brought her mind back to the present and she immediately looked to the clock. Rolling her eyes thinking Tobias had again forgot his key she opened the door expecting to see him and froze and then felt her knees turn to water as Minerva reached out to catch her.

"Mum!" Tobias ran up the stairs in time to see Minerva gently lower the sobbing woman to the floor.

"What did you do to my Mum?" He knelt down and hugged his mother, glaring at the stranger who was kneeling in front of them.

"Tobias, perhaps you will leave us for a few minutes," Minerva sternly suggested.

"No," he said looking at his Mum. Seeing the tears on her face, he put his arm around her shoulder and tried to sit up taller than he was.

"Tobias, please," she spoke to her son but looked a Minerva. "Run up stairs and change. Put on your play clothes."

Tobias stood up, wiped his nose with the back of his hand, and then quickly ran up the stairs. Stopping at the top, he watched the strange woman until his mother looked up at him and ordered him to his room.

"Now dear," Minerva helped Hannah to stand and walked with her to the sofa.

"This is from Severus." Minerva pressed the envelope into Hannah's hands. "I am working to get his account at Gingotts transferred to your name as well."

"How?" Hannah could not finish could not hear what Minerva said, could hear only the rush of her blood and her heartbeat. "He told me to wait. He said… he promised… please, no."

"Dear, I will come back and we will talk when I have more time. I am afraid we have lost many, and there is much to do." Minerva stood and looked down at her sadly. "I only came to give you the news, and to carry out his last wishes."

"Service, will he, I mean…" Hannah looked up at Minerva. "I don't even know if you have services there. I want to see him. I want to say goodbye."

"Hannah, you have to understand. It was a war." Minerva looked uncomfortable. She sat down next to Hannah and tried to explain how he had died. Over a month had passed as they looked for the body, and hoped that one of the captured Death Eaters could tell them where he laid.

"We think that before the end the Death Eaters took his body back. We don't know why, but we have been unable to locate his remains."

"What?" Hannah looked at Minerva confused.

"Harry saw him die, make no mistake in that. However, when we went back to retrieve his body he was gone."

"Gone." Hannah stood up and grabbed Minerva. "What do you mean gone?"

Minerva answered something Hannah could no longer hear. She looked at the door and back at Minerva, hugged the witch to her and pushing her back began to run. She yanked the door open and ran barefoot across the road and down the pavement. He would be there. She knew he was there. He had come back she cursed herself for sitting at the window all day and waiting.

Hannah pulled on the front door to find it locked. She cursed and leaned over the step rail to look into the window. Looking into the window through cupped hands, she was still unable to see any movement. She ran to the side and did the same to the kitchen window, cursing the fact that in all these years she had never thought to clean this damned house.

She ran to the back, jumping up, trying to see over the fence and pulling on the gate she heard the jingle of the chain that held it closed from the inside. Cursing, she looked around and saw a trash bin. Looking at it and back at the fence she went over and dragged it closer, muttering under her breath and wishing for the only time she had enough magic to open a door, just this once. Climbing on the bin, and praying that it did not tip she peered over the fence seeing only darkness.

"Shite."

She threw her left leg over the fence, pulled her self up on her arms and was swinging her other leg over when she lost her balance and fell to the ground flat on her back. She felt her breath burst out of her lungs in a rush and could only lie looking straight up with her mouth wide open trying to catch air.

"If you had knocked I would have opened it," Severus smirked down at her.

"Arse," she managed to hiss out before the pain ran though her.

He squatted down feeling his lip twitch. "I see time has not been kind to your tongue. Still that foul mouthed Spinners End kid?"

"Minerva said you were dead." She struggled to sit up, only to have him push her back.

"Wait," he scowled and took out his wand, checking her for injuries. "You are fine, just winded."

She sat up, rotating her head, and then her shoulders as she struggled to her feet. She stood looking at him forgetting how to breathe feeling unwanted tears behind her eyes.

"I was unsure if you…" He stopped and looked at her. "It has been a long time."

"You have been here one whole month and not bothered to as much as walk across the road." She hit his chest with her fists.

He caught her by the wrists and pulled her to him. "I was unsure."

"Unsure if I waited?" She pulled her wrists free. "Or unsure you still want to be here."

"Both."

"Of course I waited for you. What? You think I like it here?"

"Hannah, there is more to it then just what we want."

"And you Severus?" she said, feeling her chest tighten. "What do you want?"

"What I have wanted since I was seventeen and stood where I stand now. You watched as the spring eggs hatched and helped me name my first white owl."

"I remember." She smiled looking around the small yard. "You used to have only those small brown ones."

"There will be people who do not approve of us." He pushed the hair from her eyes and tucked it behind her ear.

"There have always been people who disapprove of me. You know, the foul mouthed tramp that brought home a bastard."

He gently placed his finger on her lips and shook his head. "They will dislike you because you are a Muggle and because I am a Death Eater, and you chose me."

"You are not, you only…"

"It does not matter. It is what they will think. Make no mistake that there are crimes I committed, crimes that you may not forgive me for."

"What crimes?"

"Albus is dead."

"Oh my god." She lowered her eyes to the ground and thought of the last time she had seen him.

"Hannah, he died by my hand."

She slowly raised her eyes until they met with his. "Why, my God Severus. What did he make you do? Him and his damnable oaths."

He grabbed her and crushed his lips to hers, holding her and resting his head on hers. He had been afraid to tell her of what he had done, he did not know if he could stand the look in her eyes or the feel of her rejection. But she had not hesitated, nor flinched, but knew him to be innocent.

"Did you wait?" He closed his eyes and held her tighter. "Do I still have a chance?"

"A chance?" She struggled to pull away enough to look at his face. "No, not a chance. I would call it a sure thing."

"Alohomora", they both turned to see the gate fly open and a very surprised Minerva.

"Severus," she said, reaching out to brace her hand on the gate. "How… What…"

Severus went over to her and helped her stand. "I must say I have not seen you lost for words before."

"Severus Tobias Snape," she scowled and shook her finger at him. "If I were not so old I would turn you over my knee."

He folded his arms across his chest and sneered down at her. "Indeed?"

"Oh young man I thought you dead." She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him quickly on his cheek. "Now find an old woman a chair I am about to fall down."

Severus smirked and waved his wand at a broken flowerpot, transfiguring an overstuffed chair and tenderly led Minerva to it and helped her sit down.

"Bloody hell." Tobias said in awe as he watched from the gate. "Mum did you see that?"

"Did you sell tickets?" Severus smirked at Hannah.

"Tobias." Hannah walked to him and put her arm around his shoulder.

"Are you Severus? Mum?"

"I am sorry Severus, he was so young." She worried her lip and watched as the two looked at each other.

"You grew," Severus said the first thing that came to his mind. "Tell me boy, does all this surprise you?"

"What do you mean?" Tobias stepped back closer to his mother.

"You know what I mean." Severus frowned and stepped closer, causing Tobias to move behind Hannah.

"Don't hide behind a woman boy." He followed Tobias, walking in a wide circle. "Now tell me how you manage to hide it."

"Severus, you are scaring him." Hannah turned with them, Tobias trying to keep behind her and Severus walking in a circle.

"Severus," Minerva said. "Leave the lad be."

"Answer me. How do you hide it?" Severus kept moving in a circle.

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"If I make you any angrier than you are, you will show me. You will not be able to stop it."

"I don't know…"

"Severus," Minerva stood, holding on to the back of the chair.

"Tell me boy."

"Severus, stop." Hannah tried to step in front of Tobias. "He is not angry at you. He is just upset over all this."

"I boil water." Tobias said quickly then saw Severus stop.

Severus transfigured a metal pot, and then filled it with water. Tobias watched him carefully but Severus was sure the boy was listening for the incantations more than watching in amazement.

"Show me," Severus said stepping back, holding up his arm in front of Hannah to stop her from going to the boy.

Tobias licked his lips and raised his hand over the bucket, creating a fist, and then throwing his magic into the water, which rose to an angry boil and hissed over the brim. .

"Good." Severus raised an eyebrow.

"Tobias, how did you do that?" Hannah gabbed him and spun him around to face her.

"I believe it is a side effect of his cure." Severus still stood looking at the boy. "Tell me boy, what do you remember?"

"Really Severus," Minerva said. "He was only three."

"Tobias?" Hannah said his name as a question.

"I remember," he said and looked down at the ground. "I remember Mum crying a lot, and a man with a long beard and trying to stay awake until you came home."

Severus walked over to him and lifted up his chin. "And if I told you I am home now and I plan on staying what would you say?"

"I think I would tell you not to make my Mum cry anymore," Tobias said looking up into Severus' face.

"You will get a letter. A letter inviting you to a school where you can learn wonderful things." Severus looked at Minerva. "You can say no, or you can go. The choice will be yours."

"Severus?" Hannah put her arm around her son. "If he decides not to, what will happen?"

"I will show him only how to control his anger, and live here. He will never be powerful but I can feel a fair amount of magic in him."

"And if he decides to go?"

"Then I will clear my name with the Ministry and we will live there."

"I don't think clearing your name will be difficult," Minerva smiled. "You would be surprised at the people who would testify for you."

"Minerva, why don't you take Tobias back to Hogwarts with you and show him around?" Severus watched Tobias for a reaction and then stepped back. "Keep him for a few days. Get him used to things."

"I don't think it is a good time. There is still the damage, and the…"

"Think of something." He walked over to Hannah and pulled her to his side. "Or stand there and watch, I no longer care."

His arms went around her as he leaned down and kissed her, deepening it as he heard the sound of apparation. She leaned into him and parted her lips. He tasted her and pulled back taking her hand and leading her out of the yard and back across the road. He lengthened his stride until she was almost running to keep up.

"Severus, what ever is the hurry."

"You."

"Severus!" She giggled as he hurried behind him. "I swear, Minerva said you were dead now here you are not even injured."

He laughed at her and turned quickly causing her to fall into him. "Another side affect my dear."

"Side affect?"

"The potion I made for Tobias. I make one for you and put one aside in case I ever needed it."

"Yes, Albus told me of the potion you decided I needed." She looked up at him and narrowed her eyes.

He turned and grabbed her hand again, pulling her up the steps and into the house.

"I plan on seeing if it works." He lifted her up and carried her upstairs.


	33. Chapter 33

Rated M

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**New Beginning: The Same Refrain**

**Chapter 33**

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Severus woke in the morning on his side, holding her to his chest, his face buried in her hair and the smell of them still heavy in the air. Her head rested on his left arm, his right around her waist and his erection already hurting as he lowered his head to her neck to kiss the spot that curved into her shoulder. He ran his hand softly down along her side and naked hip, and lifting her top leg over his thigh slipped into her quickly and completely.

"Severus!" She took in a deep breath and for a moment struggled against him to get away, only to push back, wanting him deeper.

"Gods woman, how I have imagined this." He pushed his hips toward her, feeling her push back in time with his thrusts. She came quickly when he reached around her hip and found the bundle of nerves that he knew would send her over the edge. He held his own release until he felt hers begin.

"Stop." She moaned and called as she clamped around him, and he quickened his thrusts. "It's too much, too much Severus."

"No," he whispered into her ear when he had recovered enough to talk. "Never too much."

"My gods Severus," she said, turning to face him. "It has been so long. I thought I would go crazy waiting for you."

He sat on the side of the bed and looked around at the small room. "I wanted to provide for you. I wanted you away from here."

"From Spinners End? It's not as bad now." She sat up with him pulling the sheet with her, wrapping it around her body. "It is quite fashionable now for people to buy old houses and restore them. Most of the houses here are now lived in again."

"Let them have it." He frowned at her. "We will find something better, something away from the city."

"You will live here? In my world?"

"Eventually." He looked at her and raised his eyebrow. "I did tell Tobias that he would make the choice."

"You want to stay here?"

"I can make potions and sell them from here as well as from anywhere. It is not unusual for a wizard or witch to live in the Muggle world."

"Like your Mum?"

He turned to her, his eyes unreadable. "No, not like her."

"How then?"

He stood and reached out his hand to her with a smirk. "Come, I will show you the difference I expect."

He led her to the shower and pushed her in before following her. "I expect to hear you moan and call me in pleasure, not in pain."

He lowered his head to her neck and kissed behind her ear, feeling her tremble, and heard her moan. "I expect you to stay with me because you want to, not because you have to."

He pushed her against the cool tiles and pulled her chin up to his face, resting his erection against her. "I expect you to take that trust in you name only. I expect you never to stay with me because you do not have the money to leave."

"I would never…,"

"You would. I am sure my own mother did not think she would ever be trapped."

"Severus, I am not your mother."

"No, but you have a history of staying with men who are cruel to you."

"Don't you dare throw that in my face!" She felt tears behind her eyes, and tried to push him away.

"My god's woman, I mean no more than to convince you that I want you. Not just your sex. I want you in my life." He held her tightly against the tiles as the water washed over them.

"I waited for you."

"I know." He wanted to take her but needed her promise. "This is important to me Hannah. I do not know why, but I need to know you are safe. Safe from me."

"Fine." She snapped at him. "But don't get mad later and say I only wanted your money."

"I would never…"

"Severus when you are mad you say cruel, hateful things."

"I need this to keep from going mad. Please Hannah, without this I can have no peace."

He lowered his mouth to her breasts, softly kissing each, then placed her leg around his hip and pushed into her.

"So tell me woman, will you accept?"

She closed her eyes and pushed into him. "This is unfair."

He chuckled leaning into her neck and kissing that spot behind her ear he knew she loved.

"Oh gods yes." She reached for his hair pulling his head back to her mouth. "Just finish, please, Severus."

"That was a yes you will accept the Trust?" He pulled back enough to make her open her eyes and try to pull him closer.

"Fine you bastard." She sighed loudly as he pushed back into her.

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After breakfast he helped her clear the table without magic then stood leaning against the cupboard in the kitchen watching her wash and stack the dishes.

"The potion I made for Tobias was stronger than it should have been. I never expected this, I am sorry Hannah."

"I don't understand it." She wiped her hands on a towel looking at him.

"The Philosophers stone can make one immortal if used correctly. Voldemort tried to use it and almost succeeded." He lifted her chin and looked at her. "It is destroyed now. I have one vial of solution left."

"Immortal?" She stepped back becoming uneasy.

"I only ran the potion over it, infusing some of the magic. I thought to infuse enough to Tobias's bone marrow to allow it to live until it could start reproducing. I didn't know that it would attach to the new marrow as well."

"So, the magic will not go away?"

"It may, however it should have left him by now." He shrugged his shoulders and walked out to the other room, sitting on the sofa and lifting his arm to indicate she should join him.

"And me?"

"I just wanted to keep you as you were, a few years added is all. I thought if the war lasted longer then it had, and you wanted children I would give you that chance."

"I do you know." She laid her head down on his shoulder. "I still think of him you know."

"As do I." He kissed the top of her head.

"What of the rest of the potion?"

"Albus was injured. It extended his life by only a few months." He looked down to see her reaction. "When he could fight it no more he asked me to take his life, and I did."

"Gods Severus." She moved closer to him and buried her head in his shoulder. "I can not imagine that."

"It is a long story, one I am sure Minerva will be more than happy to tell you some day."

He watched her to make sure she could accept this information then leaned his head back to continue.

"At the end I thought I may survive the final battle with a little help. Therefore, I merely carried a flask with me. A simple infused blood replenisher."

"You said you had one left?"

"Yes, the last thing I must do before I am free of the past."

"What is that?"

"I will show you. Get dressed, something…"

"I know no make up, no bright colours, no…"

"No, I was going to say something comfortable. It may take a while."

She stood up and ran upstairs and hurriedly put on her jeans and a dark green pullover. She quickly brushed out her hair and sat at her vanity biting her lip as she looked at the make up. She knew he hated it when she wore makeup and decided that a little cover under her eyes would be enough. After all, she smiled, it was his fault she did not get enough sleep the night before.

He took her hand and led her outside to the back yard. Pulling her into him for apparation, he looked down at her and frowned.

"I may have to send you back alone for a few days."

"No!" She pulled back from him and lifted her hand to strike his face only to have him catch her arm.

"I am wanted Hannah. The Ministry is looking for all Death Eaters."

"Then stay here."

"No. This is something I must do. Do you understand? It is the last thing that holds me to the past and still visits my dreams. "He looked at her evenly. "I do this or I leave for good."

"This is more important than me? Another thing that you put before us?"

"No, without this there is no us. I have to bury the past Hannah. I have to be done with it."

"And than?"

"And then it is done and I can breathe."

"And then?" She stood tapping her foot with her hands on her hips.

"And then we give Tobias that brother he has been wanting."

She stilled and looked at him, feeling a smile reaching her mouth as she stepped up to him and waited for the apparation that landed them in St. Mungo's.

"Professor?" Neville sat waiting in the lobby as the short missive he had received had told him.

"Mr Longbottom." Severus nodded and turned to Hannah. "This is Miss Haywood. Hannah, Mr Longbottom."

"Mr Longbottom." Hannah stepped forward and held out her hand to the young wizard.

"Umm, Neville." He shook her hand. "Please just call me Neville."

"And you may call…"

"He may call you Miss Haywood." Severus looked at her with a frown. "Now, Mr Longbottom, I am sure that my time here is limited and I suggest we start at once."

"Sure, I had them moved to a private room, like I was told." Neville carried his mothers shawl in his hands that he twisted in his hands. "Grams says not to let you near them."

"I understand completely." Severus stood watching as Neville's face showed his thoughts clearly.

"Why should the potion work now when it did not work before?" Neville bit his lip and looked directly at Severus. "Grams said last time all you did was stop the pain. I mean, that was a lot and she talks about how good you were to do that. But, could this bring the pain back?"

"Do you think I am that cruel Mr Longbottom?" He sneered at the young man.

"Neville." Hannah stepped forward and placed her hand on his arm. "He would not do that, you know he wouldn't."

"Did you just meet him?" Neville asked her innocently.

Severus let out a bark of laughter and Hannah's lip curled up as she fought a smile.

"No Neville," she said, shooting Severus a scowl. "I grew up with your Professor."

"Wow, gee Miss Haywood, I am sorry."

"Now, Mr Longbottom," Severus said looking down his nose, feeling his lip twitch. "The Aurors will be here shortly."

"This way Professor." Neville turned on his heel and squared his shoulders having made his decision.

The Longbottoms had been moved to a room on the same floor as the reception. They were in a windowless room that only held one chair and two cots. Both of Neville's parents sat on the cots staring into space, his mother drawing pictures in the air with her finger.

"Ward the door Mr Longbottom." Severus quickly pulled out the vial he held in his pocket and walked to the senior Mr Longbottom first.

Neville pulled out his wand and turned to the door throwing up wards as the sounds of running footsteps came down the hallway.

"I hope you can cast wards better than brew potions Mr Longbottom." Severus said as he poured a small amount of the potion down his father's throat.

"Don't worry Sir." Neville grinned back over his shoulder.

"You must not stop Mr Longbottom." Severus lifted up Franks eyelid and using his wand shown a beam of light towards the comatose man. "No matter what you hear, no matter what happens here, you must keep throwing up wards."

"Severus?" Hannah was growing nervous.

"Stand away from the door and keep quiet." Severus was casting diagnostic spells over Frank Longbottom and scowling.

The pounding on the door grew louder as Neville strengthened the wards, cast new ones and overlaying them with hexes that would physically push back the Aurors from the other side of the door. Severus glanced at him and felt his lip twitch. Here was the clumsy student he had seen stumble and fail in class for seven years successfully overriding the attempts of what sounded to be three wizards.

"It would seem Mr Longbottom that you have finally learned to stand up and fight back."

"Yeah." Neville grinned back at the Professor. "I guess killing Nagini gave me that."

"We will have to speak of your timing Mr Longbottom." Severus raised his eyebrow at the young wizard. "It would seem that even in that you were late once again."

"Nev…, " Frank Longbottom looked at the back of his son and tried to rasp out his name.

Severus turned at the sound coming from Frank's mouth and quickly poured more potion into his mouth.

"Mr Longbottom, you need to remain calm." He again peered into his eyes. "You will not remember certain things, and will have limited knowledge of the here and now."

"Dad?" Neville lowered his wand and turned to the sound to his fathers continued mutterings.

"Wards!" Severus turned to shout at him as his own wand pointed at the door and set up a new ward. "Damn, I told you…"

"I know." Neville turned his back and once again threw up wards as quickly as they were brought down on the other side.

"You?" Frank whispered looking into Severus's eyes. "I remember you. You came once before, I remember that."

"Yes, that was a long time ago I am afraid."

"There is some thing more." Frank covered his face with his hands trying to remember the wizard who stood in front of him.

"Unfortunately there is much more you will remember." Severus intoned coldly.

He walked over to the other cot turning Alice's face to his and tipping up her head , pouring the first dose of the potion down her throat.

"You bastard." Frank raged, tried to stand only to land on the floor. "You helped kill them."

Hannah left her spot by the wall to help Frank Longbottom back to his bed only to be pushed roughly away. She looked to Severus, only seeing his back as he ministered to Alice. He was tense, his shoulders hunched over and his very stance told her not to approach him. She squatted down next to Frank Longbottom and tried to calm him with out getting close enough to be injured.

"Wards Mr Longbottom." He intoned as if Frank's words had not reached him. "Wards, only a few more moments."

Neville did not turn, did not flinch as shocks began to hurl back at him from the door. He staggered back only to lift his arm and try again to block what was now becoming a losing battle.

"Enough, Mr Longbottom." Severus said as he poured the last of the potion down Alice's throat. "It is done."

Severus turned to Frank and hurried to assist Hannah in lifting him and placing him back on the cot as Neville was once again pushed back by the spells levelled on the door. Frank looked up at Severus and spit in his face, leaving spittle that ran down his cheek.

"Fucking Death Eater." He snarled and pulled away looking around for his wand and only then realizing he was in a hospital gown and sitting on a cot.

The door crashed open and the Aurors were quickly on Severus, yanking his arms behind his back and magically wrapping rope around his wrists.

"Mr Longbottom," Severus said looking at Neville who still sat on the floor. "I will leave you to return Miss Haywood to her home."

Neville stood up and walked over to Hannah, putting his arm around her shoulder he could only watch as his old Professor was led away. He looked around the shambles of the room and then heard his fathers clear voice for the first time in his life.

"Neville?" His father's voice was weak and raspy from years of no use.

"Dad?" He released Hannah and turned to his father, and then hearing movement from his mother's cot, he hurried over and knelt in front of her. "Mum?"

"Ah, my baby." She smiled and reached out, cupping his face in her hands. "I could hear you, for all these years I could hear you."

"Mum? Are you really…" He could not finish, he could only lay his head in her lap and cry as she stroked his hair and let her own tears fall on his cheeks. Hannah helped Frank over to his wife and stepped in the hallway quietly as they shared their tears with their son.

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Severus came up the walk his house in Hogsmeade stepping around a tricycle and over two pairs of skates. Hannah stood on the porch wiping her hands on her apron grinning at him.

"Would it be too much to ask them to put away their toys?" He sneered at her.

"No, it shouldn't be. Why don't you do that?" She smiled seeing his look of disgust.

"And why should I be the one?"

"Because you are the one it seems to bother."

"It is not a bother." He lifted his chin. "I am concerned if a guest were to fall."

"Yeah, right." She rolled her eyes. "And you don't want to be the one to punish them."

She shook her head and went back into the house, peeking into the sitting room to see the children sitting around the Muggle board game she had picked up on her last shopping trip with Connie.

"Best pick up, Dad is home. Elaine why don't you run tell Tobias he is here?"

"What do you think Dad will say?" Elaine looked up from the game and bit her lip.

"We will find out soon enough. Brian, put the game up, and Frank, come with me."

"Ah Mum," Frank started to whine.

"It is your turn to set the table and you will do it now."

"It's not fair. They can use magic and I can't."

"Are you arguing with your mother young man?" Severus stepped into the room and scowled at his youngest.

"No Sir." Frank ran to the kitchen to set the table knowing that his fathers idea of punishment was a two hour lecture and a three foot essay on obedience.

"Severus, Tobias needs to talk to you."

"And, since you are the one to tell me it is something that I am going to object to." He folded his arms and looked down at her.

"He wants your approval."

"When has he not had my approval?"

"When he was sorted into Gryffindor."

"Once."

"When he did not take advanced Potions."

"Fine, maybe twice."

"When he did not get all out standing's on his N.E.W.T.S."

"Maybe three times, but that is it." He stepped closer to her and glared down into her face.

"When he decided to work at the Ministry."

"That is quite enough." He growled.

"When he tells you he is getting married to Arthur's niece."

"Arthur who?" He felt cold begin to creep up his back.

"How many do you know?" She worried her lip and stepped closer.

"One."

"That's him." She said brightly and stood on the toes to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Why?" He chocked out the word and grabbed her arms. "Is she…"

"Severus! Don't even put that thought out there."

"Thanks Mum." Tobias stood with his arms folded and feet planted apart.

"I meant nothing by it." Severus put up his chin and looked at Tobias coldly. "I am only trying to learn her character."

"Her name is Marilyn. She works for the Prophet in their administration office."

"I did not ask for her credentials, unless you are buying a cow it does not matter."

"Dad, listen… she is not…"

"Do you think I care if she is pregnant?" He glared at Tobias then turned to look at Hannah. "Is she a Weasley? Tell him Hannah, that is all I meant to ask."

"You just did dear." She patted his arm and turned to Tobias.

"She is a Prewett."

"What is she like?" He narrowed his eyes and looked at Tobias. "Why do you want her other than to take her to bed?"

"What do you mean by that?" Tobias was becoming angry.

"I asked you a simple question. If you can not answer it you have no business marrying her."

"Severus, please." Hannah put her hand on his arm. "He is embarrassed, look how red he is."

"No, Hannah." He looked down at her and smirked. "He will be more embarrassed if his bed grows cold in a year and he comes back here begging to stay."

"She is…," he said stumbling for words. "She… I don't know how to say it. Not really."

"Tobias it is fine," Hannah said softly.

"No Mum, he is right you know. I guess I never thought of it." He looked up at his stepfather. "Would you understand if I just said she makes me want to be better than I am? I want to take care of her. She doesn't need it, she makes more than I do, but I still want to take care of her. I feel better when I am with her."

"When she walks in a room, how do you feel?"

"Like I can't breathe."

"Its called love boy."

"Then I love her."

"Have you told her?"

"Umm, no."

"Fine, I give my approval when you tell her." Severus turned for the kitchen. "Just don't bring home any red headed grandchildren before you do."

"Mum, how long did it take him to, you know."

"Say he loved me? Oh I guess about twenty years."

"I don't think I want to wait that long." He swallowed and looked down at her.

"That was his point dear." She went up on her toes and kissed his cheek. "That was his point. Now if you really want to see him flustered go tell her and bring her for dessert."

END

I planned to stick to cannon ending with Minerva at the door, but it just would not let me. Hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reviewing.


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